MattM316

I'm now 12 days sober (the longest i've gone in at least 11 years) and apart from mood changes and some anxiety, i'm doing ok.
Although I think i've put on about a stone in weight over the past week because I haven't stopped eating!

I've basically stayed in doors at home whilst i've been signed off work so I haven't really had to face any kind of 'test' yet.
I pulled out of a family party on the weekend because I didn't want to be around alcohol and have that awkward first "Matt, why don't you want a beer??" conversation.
Also I pulled out of going to watch my football team, Arsenal, twice because I didn't want to be in a pub around people drinking so soon after quitting.

On the 2nd November I face my first test, as i'll be going to see Arsenal in London. I've got to start going again seeing as I paid £1000 for the season ticket!
The issue is, that the coach I get arrives there 3 hours before the game kicks off, so before the only things you can do is sit in the pub, drink and read the programme.
You can't sit in McDonalds or the betting shop for 3 hours.

So what I plan to do, is do my normal routine, minus the alcohol. At the moment i'm very confident about it, but I know when i'm in there my mind is going to be screaming "a couple of pints won't hurt".

How soon has anyone else out there been in pubs/bars etc after quitting and how did you deal with it?

EndGameNYC

Hi Matt.

Good for you for staying away from potential problem situations. Most don't.

I don't think of situations such as the one you've described as "tests." For me, they are opportunities. Opportunities to strengthen our sobriety and create a sober reference, something we don't ordinarily have in early sobriety.

I long ago stopped placing myself in danger. Now, I look at attending drinking occasions camouflaged as social events as a means of continuing to enjoy other aspects of the events that don't involve drinking.

I don't want to be that person who wakes up the next morning and wants to plunge an ice pick through his skull because of what he did the night before.

Dee74

I don't get the whole testing thing Matt.

Either you're sure you're secure in your recovery, or you're not.
If you're not - maybe it's too soon for a football match?

D

MattM316

Well a test, challenge, call it what you want.

Is anyone secure in recovery?? They might pretend they are, but I don't think anyone really is. Nobody would be on here for a start if they were.
It's not an easy thing is it, so surely saying being around alcohol will be a test is the right way of putting it.

Dee74

I think you misunderstood my post.

I know you're gonna do what you want. I 'm just trying to share my experience.

I 'tested' myself every time...and I found that my desire for alcohol (or my desire to fit in, or my resentment at not being able to cut loose) was still greater than my desire for sobriety.

I needed time away from my life, which as a drinker centered around booze.

I needed time to work out what I really wanted.

I needed time to develop what I call my 'recovery muscles'.

I needed time to grow a little and mature and see that there was more to life than getting wasted, and see there were more important things to think about than being one of the lads

It took a few months, but I promise you I've never again felt unsure or insecure about my sobriety, in any setting.

This is the rest of your life Matt - I understand the desire to just get on with it, but I also have experienced first hand how that can play right into our addiction.

I know you relapsed fairly recently in a social setting.

There will be other football games, y'know?

But...y'now, if you're determined, and you're gonna go - at least have a decent plan - think about all the likely scenarios and how to handle them - and have a escape plan.

If it's a situation where's there no escape, like a coach trip...man, I really urge you to reconsider.

D

Twinings

I think dee74 is right about the desire, which is pulling you strongest, and you can only be honest with yourself about that.
Everyone is different but I was around alcohol quite soon after sobriety, my desire not too drink out weighed my desire to drink and it was still hard.
Now I take it day by day, I've been to a pub through choice and enjoyed an orange juice, and other days I would of crumbled.

Could you not spend 3hrs in central london rather than sitting around?
Sitting around is a bad idea in my opinion.

bi11fish

I keep thinking about what happens when I go to slippery places--I slip (something lousy I planned)--All I see is another SLIP--I misspent 25 yrs testing myself and now I'm here. Good luck with your plan!!!!!

DarkDays

All about mindset , I feel cool now being sober round the masses drinking their drug. Early days where strange but not really difficult . The build up / drink thoughts where a 100 times worse than the actual event, when I got there I was surprised how at ease I felt without alcohell .

Now things so much better for me , going out tonight, meeting friends in pub with band for a few hours then a nice curry. I posted the other day that I actually enjoy going out more now that I am sober, like the way I feel and like who I am . Everyone's different , I made my plan nearly 2 years ago that I am done with drinking forever ,nothing's going to change. Good days bad days , just get on with it.

Doug39

5 minutes.

Today I am 89 days sober and due to the fact that my wife is still a heavy drinker I was never away from alcohol during the last 89 days.

As long as you don't want to drink, you won't.

MattM316

Well I just walked to the shops and back and in the recent past 99% of the time i'd have bought a bottle of vodka and brought it back home.
The urge didn't even cross my mind.
I only thought about the alcohol because I was thinking "wow how weird is this, I don't even WANT to buy alcohol". The thought of drinking now actually makes me cringe and feel a bit sick, and I don't crave it at all.

That has to be a good sign surely, although I know there is a hell of a long way to go.

Kathleen41

If you hang out in the barber shop long enough, you're gonna get a haircut!!

Three hours is a long time to hang out in a bar and not drink. Let us know how it goes.

MattM316

Yeah I will do.
It'll be day 20 when I go, so i'm determined not to mess it up just for the sake of a few pints.

freshstart57

Nobody? That is a lot of people, Matt. The moderators can speak for themselves, but I suspect they, and many others of us here on SR, are indeed secure in their sobriety. I am too. We are here on SR to offer our experience and guidance so that others can escape the hell of addiction that had us so miserable in the past.

Killing time in a bar, especially in early sobriety, is not recommended for anyone who doesn't want to drink but is afraid they might succumb to their AV. You would not have made this post for a start if you were.

doggonecarl

I am befuddled. You are going to LONDON, ENGLAND. One of the greatest cities in the world. And all you can think to do is sit is a pub for three hours?

Stay home.

MattM316

I'm going there to watch Arsenal, the coach just gets there three hours early. I go to every home game, so i'm basically there every other week.
It's on Holloway Road so there really isn't anything to do, it's not like you can just pop into the O2 Arena for a wander round.

hayley86

I didn't put myself in any situations that would test my sobriety in early recovery. I avoided any places or people that i associated with alcohol for the first couple of months to give myself the best possible chance at staying sober. That worked for me. After a couple of months i felt secure enough in my recovery to be able to be around people who were having a couple of drinks. I still avoided places like pubs etc because that scene was no longer part of my life. Every time i got through a social event i felt more confident in my recovery. Now i can go anywhere and the thought of drinking does not cross my mind. However, i am never complacent. If i felt uncomfortable i would either not go or i would leave early. If you are determined to go then have a back up plan. It's always a choice to drink or not drink. You can get through it and stay sober if you really want to. Best wishes.

LadyBlue0527

Matt, determination is a relative word in sobriety. It strengthens and weakens based on situations. If you feel confident that you can sit in a bar for three hours and not succumb to the pressure, perhaps you can. I'm 5 months in and have turned down an initially accepted invite twice now to my old haunt with one of my best drinking buddies. Even in that situation my favorite dance band would have been there so I would have had activity to take my mind off of the bar. However, to go and sit in a bar for three hours where there's nothing else to do but drink? That's just self torture if you ask me. Can you honestly say that for the three hours your mind won't be playing games with you?
"Just one" is the favorite game. Indeed, "just one". That's all it takes.

If you feel you can do this kudos to you but there are a lot of warning bells and whistles going off.

At the very least can you travel differently so that you aren't there for a full three hours with nothing to do? Even if I were 100% unequivocally secure with sobriety I see no plus side to hanging out in a bar for three hours. Heck, I'm not sure I would want to do something that feels good for that long!


If you can go but limit your time there that would probably be best. Good luck!

MattM316

It's the only way I can get there and back fairly cheaply really, it's on the supporters club coach.
I suppose I could eat very slowly in McDonalds, have a bet and then read the programme page to page, that should kill a fair bit of time.
I don't mind actually going to the stadium an hour early so it might not be too bad.
Fingers crossed!

LadyBlue0527

See, it can be done! The less time you put yourself in a position to drink the better. You CAN do it!

Banquo

Matt, the thing here is only you know if you'll be ok. You can't lock yourself away forever. I would advise you to go. Consider it a pat on the back for doing so well so far.

A lot of people will disagree with me here but since I stopped I've had my 40th birthday party, been on holiday to Spain and had a wedding. All revolved around alcohol. And I didn't drink once. Want to know why? It's no secret, I just didn't want to take that first drink. Good luck although I hope Arsenal lose