foolsgold66

Nov 2011 join date, you should have done plenty of reading by now...

You made a number of mistakes here. Sounds like the first was attending. The second was if attending, not having a plan for coping. Your improvised plan of 'not swallowing' is rather funny, sounds like a sitcom. You set yourself up to fail.

It's your decision. Which option feels like a loophole and which feels like the high road?

DoubleBarrel

I have said this before but perhaps you could benefit from the concept.

I consider people who insist that I drink with them EXACTLY the same as if they were waving a loaded gun in my face.

I don't give a **** what they think, and I certainly am not going to be embarrassed about saying NO.

I don't need to make up a fancy story or a white lie either. It's a one syllable word. NO.

And if they really want to push the issue, I'm gonna leave, or punch someone in the mouth.

They are risking your LIFE. act accordingly.

fini

OH!
if i ever took any alcohol again...oh WOW would it matter!
i'd have to question everything i've done to get me here WITHOUT drinking again.
if it didn't really matter...then no reason NOT to again in the future.

pinkdog

Hi Joybot, continue on. Consider it a close call. Don't let peer pressure ruin your sobriety. Next time say NO. Best wishes.

fini

well, this might be one example: if i were to believe that a return to drinking didn't really matter, then a future relapse might well be beginning.

foolsgold66

I'll come at this one backwards for ya Raider. I had quite a long period of sobriety before. One of many ways I accomplished that was by having the correct 'mind picture' of what would ultimately happen if I drank again. To do this I needed to keep faults such as (example) self-pity at bay. When I allowed those traits to begin occupying me in any way without properly coping with them or just flat squashing them, for any length of time, and they started to reclaim my identity, I was relapsed whether I took a drink in 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 weeks. I had allowed myself to once again become the irresponsible person that could accept a drunk way of life.

RobbyRobot

When we quit alcohol we change in ways that are otherwise impossible if we keep drinking. Embracing these changes creates a new kind of living - or - we can resist the changes enough so as to not accomplish anything really worthwhile and so quitting really doesn't make enough of a difference to stay sober.

Relapses begin when we realise within ourselves that quitting makes little sense to us - and we do this all without drinking that first relapse drink. Relapsing isn't really about alcohol - its really more about how not drinking doesn't become or isn't otherwise worthwhile enough to stay quit - and so addiction ambivalence simply gets us back to drinking. Having said that - having difficulty quitting is all about addiction to alcohol.

-Relapsing is more about experiencing sobriety as lousy and not getting past this rotten appreciation
-Difficulty quitting again and staying in relapse is about experiencing addiction with alcohol

Some of us choose to have a lot of program/fellowship support when quitting and some others choose to have none - and of course some of us are somewhere in between. What is common with all of us who successfully quit is that not drinking is very different then is continuing to drink - and so not drinking becomes itself a real accomplishment.

This hopefully has all been reduced by me to simplistic statements like you requested. It also means relapses can be readily prevented by fully and completely living a happy life of sobriety after the initial quitting of drinking alcohol. How any of us choose to live a happy life is a personal choice after quitting and really doesn't have anything to do with why so and so relapses - what causes relapsing is always the same - when sober living blows relapsing goes onto the menu as an attractive option to end the misery if even only for a short drunken time.

Speaking from my own experiences of course

bigsombrero

If you are out hanging out in drinking groups, and hanging at a table with people doing "rounds of shots" - you are in the wrong place, buddy. You can't be in social situations like that - maybe never again, but especially early in sobriety. That is something you have to give up when you undertake sobriety. Hanging out at bars with drinking buddies...you'll never, ever win this battle. It's tough enough on its own.

I can empathize. My very first meal after I got out of a treatment center was at a bar. I got out of treatment, flew back home, and stopped at a bar for lunch. Sat right at the bar, too. That was a terrible decision on my part - and I'm lucky I got through those early days and weeks without drinking. Why did I do that???

Because I'm an alcoholic.

Please, stay away from bars, house parties, drinking situations - all of it. It has to go. Period.

BlueSkies1

I'm from the other side--F&F

My view:
Gays are out of the closet. They're getting more accepted everyday. Alcoholics could come out of the closet too.
Peer pressure, simple.
"No, thanks. I don't drink. I'm alcoholic."
It'll shut them up.
No reason to be ashamed.

Raider

I love deek

Mountainmanbob

if it was me

I would just do the simple thing and start my sobriety over

and then

stay away from slippery places (this for sure was one)

Mountainman

foolsgold66

I've had this thought. But I think that's a never proposition. There are now many actual laws against discrimination based on (best term)? sexual preference... I think those were inevitable...

Alcoholic. Not so much. I don't drink works fine. Alcoholic may well get you not hired for a job, with no leg to stand on... First, it isn't a disease according to the DSM, despite many reports to the contrary. Read what the DSM says about alcohol abuse and dependency and you may see why its unlikely at this time that you'll get any legal defense to the contrary in the jobs area...

Appendix B: DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic Criteria for Alcohol Abuse and Dependence - The Surgeon General's Call to Action To Prevent and Reduce Underage Drinking - NCBI Bookshelf

GracieLou

To thine own self be true

Raider

You guys nailed it on relapse. I understand why I drank after 8 days sober. Thanks a bunch.

Leadfoot

We discuss the alcoholic mind and the thoughts that go through the mind of an alcoholic. In recovery and beyond our goal is to relieve our minds of the obsession both conscious and subconscious. Drinking is a symptom of a mind that's not working right as opposed to being the problem. We know that where the mind goes, the body will follow. If your mind goes to recovery and freedom from alcohol so will your body. If your body ends up consuming alcohol it's most likely that your mind was already headed that way.

thisisme

Your sobriety clock is your own. Reset it if you feel it's the right thing to do but never beat yourself up.
Pardon my frankness but you need new "friends".

"I wonder if they are going through their own battles as well and that some of them were using an excuse to drink again. I don't know and I didn't ask. If I didn't bring it up, I don't expect them to either."

I can tell you that in my experience the only people that care about you NOT drinking are alcoholics.

mpr

You didn't break your sobriety just carry on like it did not happen but next time avoid these situations, if that means explaining yourself to your friends - they will understand, or don't go when alcohol is involved.

instant

Avoiding feeling "pressure" in early recovery was hard for me. The best thing for me was to stay away, until i was more solid in my recovery. Over time i had to learn to feel comfortable saying no. It comes easy now- i am a non drinker in the same way i am a non smoker- its no big deal- some people are vegetarian, or eat gluten free.

A complete lifestyle change was needed for me. I thought of it as embracing a new way of living with no going back.

LadyBlue0527

Joybot, I see that you haven't posted since this thread. I sincerely hope that due to the fact that people didn't tell you that it wasn't a slip or a relapse that you didn't say "well the hell with it then" and continue on.

I think you would be very hard pressed to find any person on this board who says that one day, they made up their minds to quit drinking and that was it. Done, finis, never again and did it on the first try, yay! That's not how it works. Sobriety takes practice. This is my 4th long term attempt with a bunch of shorter attempts in between. This is a very hard thing to do.

You'll find a great amount of support here but what you'll also find that people will (in a caring manner) try to support you by helping you to be honest with yourself. No one is doing it to be mean to you. You need to understand that in order for us to help or you're going to use the replies as a resentment and an excuse.

In being totally honest with you I see far too many excuses in your OP. You conjured the perfect storm in your explanation to try to make it not your fault so it shouldn't be held against you. You were looking for affirmation that based on what you said that this really couldn't be considered as a slip. The scenario itself doesn't matter. It puts me back in mind of some of the reasons I came home with when I knew I reeked of alcohol. The point is that you ingested alcohol.

The only person who can make the decision about the situation is you. That decision is if you are willing to let what happened ruin what you've accomplished or are you going to pick yourself up, see it for what it really was, and get back on the horse? If you want to excuse the situation that's your prerogative. However, if you find yourself in a situation again where it wasn't your intention to drink but somehow someone else made it happen it's time to really think about that.

If you decline a drink and someone says to you "What's the matter?" that's pretty much proof positive that you need to get away from the situation. You had questioned if they all have a problem. I'll reiterate that it's also been my experience that the only people who care if I drink or don't drink in social settings are also other alcoholics.

I wish you the best and hope that this event didn't remove focus as to why you know you need to quit.

LadyBlue0527

Hi Raider, the planning starts long before the drink is picked up. Whether we want to believe it or not the decision is already being made. It's tough to take those blinders off too. Honesty with one's self is the hardest.

An example is I've seen many threads on this board that start out with someone questioning whether they should go to an event that might be trouble. I've done it myself. That's the pre planning phase. If you even have to question if you should attend an event that's a big red flag. Your mind already knows what's going to be there and what the possibilities are. You might as well make the subject line "Alcohol will be abound, I know what I'm planning, help me".

This is not to say that everyone who asks the question has already made up their mind, just that it's the beginning of the brain playing with fire. It's only full honesty with one's self that will determine the outcome.

Twice now I've made the decision to not go see an old drinking buddy at my old favorite haunt. I've come up with the excuses "I'll call and see if they can stock Beck's, which is 100% non alcoholic, ahead of time." I've professed that I am only going because my favorite band is playing. I've stated plainly that I am happy in my sobriety and feel 100% confident that I can do this and still abstain. Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie. I honestly know that as an alcoholic I can't be sure of anything. From moment to moment at that bar I would have to consistently say to myself no, no, no, no, no. Sounds like a grand time to me! So through extreme honesty I don't go. I will not chance the relapse because I know that my mind is already plotting.

Not so easy to do, but that's somewhat of an explanation of relapse beginning long before the drink is taken.