Gottalife

In my belief, drinking against our will, (what could be more unintentional) is the classic characteristic if the alcoholic. At certain times we have no effective defense against the first drink. If we put up any fight at all, and the OP did put up a fight, it is pretty easily lost on some flimsy pretext (I held it in my mouth to be cool) meaning it was more important to be cool than avoid the consequences of a drink.

Many of my benders started with an unintended first drink. So the problem is to find a defence that works. Hiding from friends, (with friends like that, who needs enemies) might work for a time but sooner or later a similar situation will arise, it's just a fact of life.

In the short term, avoiding those sorts of places would seem wise, but something more might be required for the long term if you want to be free.

Grungehead

I understand that Gottalife, I think my post is proof of that. I was responding to this poster who was saying that it wasn't a relapse because although the OP took the shot of liquor he didn't intend to swallow it.

I had 7 years of sobriety two different times only to find myself in situations where I had no effective mental defense against that first drink. The first time it took me a year to get sober again and the second time it took 8 years and being on death's door to make it back. Because of what I went through that might be why I don't mince words. I don't want anyone to have to go through what I did. If I can share through my experience how bad an extended relapse can be (and point it out if they seem to be in denial), maybe it will spare them the pain and misery I went through. It would be delusional to think that taking a shot of liquor wouldn't constitute a relapse whether it was meant to be swallowed or not. Anyone who would tell the OP otherwise would be doing more harm than good.

MythOfSisyphus

This. That and you need a better plan for dealing with social situations. There are a few white lies you can use, like the old "I'm on a scrip of antibiotics and can't drink at all". That can stave off questions in the short terms. You can also just "plead the fifth" and invoke your rights not to talk about it.

This early in sobriety I can understand why you're not wanting to make a big deal about quitting with your friends. They may take it as a personal challenge and try to get you to drink. Or they might tell you that you're not an alcoholic and don't need to worry. Of course they don't think you are-they probably drink like you. The cognitive dissonance is hurting their heads.

Eventually you're probably either come clean about quitting, split with those friends or go back to drinking. Obviously that last one is the worst solution but I worry that's where you'll be headed if you don't make some kind of stand to them.

bi11fish

Change your sober date and move on. Keep in mind that if we go to slippery places we will most likely slip.

Boleo

If I had friends like that... I would put them on my enemy's list.

Arbor

Positive response. Seems as if most enjoy counting the days as they go by. Brush it off and continue on with sober mindset.

RobbyRobot

For me, you didn't get dragged in, you were already in on so many levels before you hanged out with your friends that night. We can make simple enough choices absolutely protecting us from being so-called dragged wherever and whenever...

Sobriety is not about everything is cool as long as I don't swallow. Sans-alcohol existence is what it is - and if that alcohol is in your mouth its difficult to argue that your still living a live free from alcohol I'm thinking. Your question does reflect how relatively unimportant a life without alcohol scenarios is to you - because its not really about the alcohol anymore after we quit - its really about how we get on with our lives free of alcohol that matters - and for you it looks like real freedom has a lot of conditional justifications which for me means - yeah, you need a new sober date going forward with a new understanding of what it means to not drink.

Alcoholic thinking at its worst is when we look for loopholes to get yet another chance at having a drink - its our own responsibility to do the right thing at all times even when others expect us to drink just like we used too when hanging out - and if we can't be responsible to staying quit then we need to realize its time to move on and not just keep doing same old same old.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Take it easy with yourself, and move on past all that party noise. Keep going forward.

MattyBoy

Unfortunately situations like this arise in our sobriety that we don't even intend to put ourselves in in the first place. There is a constant struggle between wanting to keep an active social life and the fear that one day, a social occasion will put too much temptation in our path to drink. For me, taking just one shot would seriously screw my head up and I'd probably end up starting at day 1 all over again, but that's just me. Besides, the most important thing is is that the one shot didn't turn in to turn and then a full one week/month/year long relapse. As long as you've dusted yourself off and continued on your sober path I don't think you have much to worry about.. Please do try and think of ways this could be avoided in the future though... For me I told my friends, all of whom had seen me drinking in the past, that I had developed epilepsy and so couldn't have a single drink for fear it would trigger a seizure. Did they buy it? Maybe, maybe not, but the point is they no longer hassled me to have a drink.

Hope you're doing okay and keep up in the right track, don't let one shot get you down!

Music

Unintended??? How did it get into your mouth? Me, I'd start over and make myself a promise that from now on, I'd tell people I don't drink any more. I've had enough!

Bilr44

I'm at the age where none of my friends go to bars anymore and if they asked to go to one it would be weird. Once you are married with kids, I don't get the whole bar scene. I was an at home only drinker, which to me is a bigger problem. We are all in different stages of our lives. I get that for younger people in recovery, temptations from friends makes it much more difficult. Me, I am my own worst enemy when it comes to drinking.

cardoon

Yes.

Leadfoot

Does it really matter? I vote we just move on.

Kathleen41

You stole my answer!!

MrDavid

It's a hiccup, yes, but it does count as a relapse. I would move on.

Hammer

Amen.

Hey -- upfront -- I am from the Alanon side of the wall.

But check out your own Chapter 5, How It Works . . .

===============

RARELY HAVE we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

===============

See that Rigorous Honest part. It is not a joke, and is there for a reason.

Can tell you what happened when "my little addict" did a relapse and could not be honest about it -- with Cooking Vanilla. The stuff is 66 proof. Did a bottle, later barfed it up. Sponsor told her to re-set her date. She refused. Too much pride.

At the time it made no sense to me. Just get the new date and move on. She yelled at me, "Are you questioning my sobriety?" At the time, I had no idea what that meant so I backed down, and let things ride. Answer now would have been "Oh Hell, Yes!"

She started barfing and did not stop until she hit re-hab for an Eating Disorder. So underweight, if she weighed 1 pound less they would have sent her to the Intensive Care in the hospital rather than rehab. She made it through rehab and has some weight back, but is still a mess and still lying about her chip date. Now she has a lying addiction. Such a mess it may crash our family. God does not tolerate this type crap.

You do not need this type of crap in your life, and neither do we. Go to the meeting, tell them what happened. You may cry, they may pat you on the back, clap for you being honest, and you get the freebie desire chip. bfd.

Rigorous Honesty. It Works. NOTHING Else Does.

Raider

I've seen and read that a relapse begins well before taking that first drink. I do not understand this. Can someone explain this like I'm a 4 year old?

Boleo

This is going to be tough for me because my natural inclination is to use quotes and I don't want to make it look like there is only one program of recovery. So here is the generic version of what it means to suffer from "Stinkin Thinkin" long before the relapse actually occurs.

Those of us who depend on a daily program to keep thoughts of drinking out of our head (not every one does), need to do something every day to recognize just how sick or healthy we currently are. If we fail to do the work that lets us see the truth about ourselves, sooner or later we will start to believe our own BS. If it goes on long enough, we will become convinced that we were never really sick in the first place.

Next thing we know, we think we know better than everybody else what is and is not good for us. We become convinced that we are not as bad as "those people". A few drinks starts to look good again.

DayTrader

Good explanation ^^

I'll take a shot too

Drinking is/was a problem for me but, as an alcoholic with alcoholism THE problem was not my drinking. I don't know if that makes sense to you but feel free to pm me if you'd like. My alcoholic drinking was a problem but not the main problem - that main was alcoholism.

AlcoholISM, as I use the word, is WAY beyond just "I drink a LOT." One of the ways I see my alcoholism manifest is by me being manipulative, afraid, vengeful, mistrusting, unforgiving, "needing" to fit in, concerned with what I think you think, believing I can control what you think, and soooo many more. When these things are in action, my life is wayyyy out of control. Historically, drinking is right around the corner.

Now, the amazing thing is WHEN I'm doing all those things above, I usually don't believe I'm doing them. I think I'm just fine........then BAM, I'm drinking. So, if you think you're just fine and then suddenly you're drinking, it would APPEAR that drinking muuuust be the problem cuz there I was, doing fine, and suddenly I was drinking and then things got really bad.

So, for me..... when I'm not forgiving, being judgmental, feeling like I need to control things, etc etc, etc it's obvious I'm off base / off the beam. Rather than being a spiritually centered being I've turned into a materialistic, judgmental, power-barron. And for me, when I'm not the spiritual being for long enough, I get drunk, get high, or maybe don't drink/get high but just live in a perpetually more frustrating hellish existence.

Recovery is, to me, about living as that spiritually grounded being. A recovered spiritual being wouldn't do those bad things nor would they need to drink. Relapse is, to me starts with me "relapsing" into those old negative behaviors. Do those "bad things" long enough and odds are I'll end up drinking.

So, if you see me drinking, rest assured I've been "relapsing" into a lot of destructive "old behaviors" of mine for a while.....the natural progression of which is me drinking now.

deeker

yes- if it were me and if my date was so important to me I wouldn't have been there for one and I wouldn't let anyone force me into anything.

Pipping

All my friends are heavy drinkers and all our socialising revolves around alcohol. I am a lot older than you and after years of bingeing my physical and mental health has definitely suffered. Please do something about this now, I wish I had your insight at your age. I really think you need to remove yourself from all drinking related activities. I know it is hard but you are setting yourself up for failure going to bars with friends who pressure you to drink.