Drunkmidget

It was great ... first time ever ... got a bunch of pamphlets ... they gave me a few books ... and made me feel very very welcome ... looking forward to tomorrow ...

Kathleen41

Sounds like a great group!! So happy you got the courage to go to a meeting. Keep going back!!

awuh1

Most sober drunks are fairly nice people. My advice is to go to lots of meetings and lots of different meetings. Keep us posted.

GracieLou

We are not a glum lot!

Good for you. I am glad it was a good meeting, Keep coming back.

MrGhost

Congratulations! I just went through that myself recently. Thing was with my case, is that I decided to have one of those final nights of drinking one Saturday night, and I was going to attend some meetings and therapy the following week, but I got in trouble instead with that last night of drinking, but in return it forced me to go to AA right away without a choice, I'd have to say out of the whole experience that it was only one of the few things I liked.

sugarbear1

Awesome.

whiskeyman

Very Proud of you.
Keep going it all gets better from here

heath480

Good news.

Drunkmidget

Went to my second meeting tonight ... had to drive 48 miles to find one that worked around my schedule ... yes I live in the sticks ... limited supply. It was pretty interesting ... was a lecture meeting ... didn't know about the no cross talk ... Someone gave me a copy of the big book. Drove several people from my town who did not have rides ... not sure ... if I'll do it again.

A little skeptical ... about one the fellas who came with me ... very nice fellow called me after I called the hotline and offered to go with me. I feel horrible ... but we showed up at the meeting late ... and he said not to worry ... it's cool b/c they never start on time ...

I am a very structured person in my learning process ... and I don't want to hurt this guys feelings ... but I ask him a question ... and all he will say is " just keep going you'll get it " ... I can be overly polite at times ... especially torwards an organization who is trying to help me ... and I don't want to offend anyone at these meetings ... " I still don't know what cross talk is ...

Honestly kind of lost ... can i request a more stuctured conservative person to guide me ... this fella is a little on the layed back hipster side for me ...

Or should I just go on my own?

Thanks in advance for the advice ...

Zebra1275

Glad your first meeting was a good experience. As you are discovering, different meetings draw different crowds. Keep experimenting with different meetings, you will likely find a core group that you like. AA meetings plus this website have helped me.

Drunkmidget

I say upfront ... thank you for this response ...

What you are saying is ... there are no groups out there with a regimented itinerary I could follow ... people I can relate too ... or just this vague notion ... of hey give us rides ... and it's ok to be late?

Sorry ... thinkin I will seek meetings on my own.

awuh1

You will meet all sorts of people in AA, just like in everyday life.

Crosstalk is defined just a bit differently by different individuals and groups. Basically it’s specifically discussing what someone else has said. The basic idea is for each of us to share our experience strength and hope. If you talk about someone else's experience, opinions etc. the meeting can get a bit … well, lets just say complicated. With time you’ll get a better idea of it.

Consider calling someone if anyone has given you their number. You’ll find people you are comfortable with in time.

Thanks for the update. Nice to hear about your experience. Keep um coming 

BarbieKen

Hi,
Yes, meetings can and do start on time. At the least the meetings I attend. I go to 5 meetings a week( 3 different locations) and they all start on time. People wander in after it's started, that's on them.
Cross talk, to my knowledge, is talking while another member is speaking. Can anyone else elaborate on cross talking? I looked in my AA Dictionary and I didn't find a definition.
I would just be open to talking to more people at your meeting. If I ask questions (which I do) to fellows, I'm looking for an answer, guidance, an "I don't know" would be way better than the reply you received. Please don't give up, remember it's absolutely fine to raise your hand during the meeting and ask a question, clarify an answer etc. Bobbi

Drunkmidget

Off to my 3rd meeting tonight ... looking forward to this one alot ...

GracieLou

I found this and this is what I agree with when it comes to what I have learned to be "Cross-Talk"

An oldtimer reflects on the changing perceptions of crosstalk over the decades

Back then, crosstalk meant two people talking back and forth

When I came into AA 29 years ago, crosstalk was wisely not allowed at meetings. However, it meant something different then than it does today. Back then, crosstalk meant two people talking back and forth, instead of each person getting a turn to speak uninterrupted. No one could even interject a comment during someone else's share. "No crosstalk" also meant not criticizing what another person said, not telling someone what to do about their problems, and not analyzing anyone else's psyche or situation. All good things to avoid."

This is how I understand it. So, if you hear someone speak up and say "Bob, alcoholic" and he starts to share that means you stay quiet while he is talking. No interrupting. If you agree, nod your head or in some cases laugh, but no comments. When the next person talks, same thing. No interruptions. The person can say they relate to what Bob said or maybe had the same experience but they never flat out ask Bob a question or tell him how to solve his issue. They can tell how they solved THEIR issue.

This goes if a member is sharing at a discussion meeting, commenting after a lead, commenting in a BB meeting. Basically anytime a member has spoke up to share. One at a time.

Now before or after the meeting you can ask questions all you want. That is the time for them. Not during the meeting unless you are asked to bring a topic then you can say something like "My topic is honesty and I would like to hear how others deal with this". Then others can jump in, taking turns, and comment what they do, not tell you what to do, what they do or have done.

It is basic AA etiquette.


I hope you enjoy your meeting, keep coming back.

sugarbear1

I've seen the most interesting sponsor/sponsee relationships occur....

I had to NOT listen to my gut in early sobriety, I was a mess!

Couldn't hurt to try it....does he know how to guide someone through those 12 steps? Has he had a spiritual awakening as a result of working through those steps and applying them to his life?

Does he do what he says? Does he walk the talk? Is he relaxed, joyful and sober, especially when life hits hard?

BadCompany

Yeah, you're not stuck with or assigned this guy or anything. He just put his name on a list volunteering to help out a new guy he'd never met before. You were that guy.

It is best to look at sobriety as a process to be engaged in rather than a task to be accomplished.

A more formal guide in AA is a sponsor. You get to decide who this person is.

FWIW, do this AA thing for a while and you will be a bit more laid back yourself.