Jeni26

Thank you for taking the time to reply Music.

I'm not saying there might not come a point when it is necessary to make that decision, just that it is not yet. Not even close.

His actions are starting to concern me because I'm not sure what is 'normal'. I certainly never was, and so I'm not sure if what he is doing is just a part of growing up, or a sign of something more serious. I guess that's what I was asking advice about.

Rules and boundaries at home are something that have had to be changed since we got sober. I was lax in some ways and too over-protective in others. But, he's a good kid. Yeah, maybe I'm defensive but I really don't think I'm in denial.

The thought of chucking him out...well that isn't even on my radar at the moment Music. He will move on when he's ready to. No problem.

RobbyRobot

This kind of base mentality refreshes my memories of how I was so wrongly raised. My dad became for me a great example of how NOT to be a father.

I know being a parent is more about being responsible and walking the right talk than it is about ensuring my rights are observed by entrenching my boundaries.

I suppose becoming an alcoholic has something to do with the how we journey from childhood into adulthood. Yeah, I'm sure about it, speaking from personal experience.

Jeni26

Can you explain what you mean Robby?

soberhawk

I think it is natural that you worry.

I have two sons at similar age a year between – I am in fact rather worried about the older one – for several reasons.

I try to discuss this with them also to have a sense of their view and thoughts about this. You need to look at the whole picture to see whether there is a reason for worry, try to get a sense of whether he has a realistic and sensible view on him self. Whether he is satisfied with his life, it is not easy to be young,

I can not read any reason for drama or panic from your posts. The fact is that you have had very unfortunate experience with alcohol and it is natural that you are worried.

RobbyRobot

Looking back is always 20/20 if we can muster the courage to be honest enough with ourselves to not be spooked and haunted by remorse, regret, whatever. I started drinking at 12 for a lot of reasons that obviously made enough sense to me at the time. Feeling good about being drunk was not the thing that kept me drinking - feeling anything about being somebody else than what I was raised to be was what kept me reaching for that alcohol. My dad beat and kicked into me his right to be my parent as however he chose to make it so - all without regard to me and my feelings. My dad had no difficulty making sure I knew all about who he was - to this day my dad still doesn't know jack about me - even so he'll never forget the day I looked into him and saw the miserable man behind the curtain - and all at once he couldn't be my keeper anymore. No heart, no brain, I'm much to shy - all the better for me to now know how I was raised by my parents blows big time. My daughter's life and her relationship with me as her father is a great example of how I turned things around and called time out on my dad and his ideas of being his own man.

My backstory is not the usual one, and although generalizing can come easy to some, it really doesn't work well for me. Being raised the way I was gave me good reason to make use of alcohol the way I chose. I learned to alcoholically drink and forever quit all in twelve lousy years. Age 12 to age 24. What a ride. It goes without saying that for me, the journey from childhood into adulthood is the whole alcoholic journey. I dunno if that gives any answer towards your inquiry, Jeni. I hope in a larger sense you can imagine that you being there for your children was always, and is always, the best a parent can do with what they have to offer their children. Those parents who conditionally manipulate away those "being there" responsibilities and leverage them for having their children obey them at all costs are the same parents in kind I was raised by and now I'm free from, thank God.

Take it easy, Jeni. I know from your shares on SR you had some "difficulties" of your own with your parents too. Rest easy, knowing those past experiences now help you be the better parent for YOUR children. Awesome.

Jeni26

Thank you Robby. Yes, my own experiences of childhood were problematic to say the least. I never wanted my children to experience the sort of fear or violence I did, and they haven't.

They are great kids...respectful and loving towards me and their Dad, and to the world as a whole. I failed them when i was drinking by not being emotionally 'present', but my plans for raising them with love and kindness never wavered throughout my drinking years. i just wasn't a great role model.

I perhaps gave the wrong impression that my son's drinking is causing more problems than it actually is. There is no drama or family crisis. He has come home drunk on a few occasions. No scenes. It's been late and everyone has been asleep but me. I just worry this might be the start of something more, that's all.

Thank you everyone for your replies. X