Boleo

In 12 step terminology - that is known as "Delusions of grandeur".

In AVRT terminology that is known as "The Addictive Voice".

In Psychological terminology that is known as megalomania.

DayTrader

I've tried making money my HP before and it seemed to work pretty well for a while. Had a relatively solid 18year run and even at my peak, not Ferrari buying mind you, I was never as "free" as I am today and today I've got about the same amount of money I had when I was fresh out of college and had yet to start my "good money" job - not much.

Outside circumstances, the events in my life, no longer ARE my life. When I'm really "on" I couldn't care less about the external circumstances. My life IS whereas events, money, successes and failures, etc all come and go. All the while, I'm OK.....in fact.......I'm great.

TDInstall

Hey, nobody is criticising the idea of trying to achieve something. No harm in that. Rather, your tone seems over intense, and hyperbolic, hence me asking if you were OK. Withdrawals are really harsh - I am ten months in myself and still struggle.

Good luck with whatever it is you are aiming for.

PhaseTwo

Carbonized if the pursuit of personal success is keeping you sober that's great, but don't let it be your only reason to stay sober. I sincerely hope you can achieve the success you want but hypothetically if you don't get the Ferrari or whatever else your seeking, then you're just going to drink again? Im willing to bet if you do you're going to regret that decision.

MrDavid

It really depends on what you consider normal. For me, it means knowing your limits, or as others would say ‘knowing when to quit’. That’s something I could never do. So from that standpoint I would have to say, yes; I'd never be able to drink like a ‘normal’ human being, again. I’m wired differently, I guess -not to say that’s wrong or anything. I just don’t know how to stop, that's all. So why go even there. Besides; it’s more fun being sober. How about you?

polaris

I still attempt it, and I still fail. I remember when my mom always use to nag me about drinking (my dad was a recovered alcoholic and nearly died several times from it) and how much it pissed me off. I remember some of the Big Book AA quotes and it irritated me how Black and White they seemed to portray things with no shades of grey...it all seemed so melodramatic and excessive.

Little did I know...Ive ended up portraying those things, and have been for quite some time. I manage to be a "functional" alcoholic still, but really what is that? Anyhow I keep wanting to cling to the ideology that perhaps I can somehow manage it despite the constant evidence otherwise. If we really want to be honest with ourselves, we know the answer. We just want to believe we may possibly have a better (in our eyes) solution. The more I try, the more I realize how misguided I am...but Im still trying to wander this path in some sort of sane way somehow. Its ridiculous.

gaffo

I'm starting to believe that if you contemplate the concept of "normal" drinking then you are probably an alcoholic. I was never able to figure it out.

Happier

I have proven to myself that I will never be able to be a "Normal Drinker"...but who cares?!! Drinking, be it normal or abnormal, really is way over-rated anyway. Any thoughts to the contrary come from my slightly deranged brain that doesn't think too clearly when it comes to matter of addiction. All I have to do though is remember my history and the harm I have done to my loved ones and that usually gets my thoughts back on a healthier track. Bottom line is that life is too much of a gift, too precious, too full of possibilities and opportunities to be squandered on me trying to figure out how to "drink normally".
Thanks for asking the question though as it is good for me to remember such things. NO, i will never drink normally again and I am grateful.

LadyBlue0527

In the beginning, to conceive the word "never" was so overpowering. My brain has lived with the concept of no alcohol = no fun for too many years.

I am currently in reprogramming and it's working. The further I remove myself from alcohol the more clearly I see how unnecessary it was. I no longer lament over how I'll never be able to drink normally. I embrace that every day I get to make decisions about what I now CAN do because of sobriety.

Pink clouds floating by? Sure, and I hope they never leave.

Why worry about something that you can't change? It's such a waste of time.

Carbonized

If everyone had your atitude no one would accomplish anything worth a damn. Well, the loser mentality is rather common so it should be expected to be frequently encountered. Reminds me of hearing a drill sergeant years ago telling his recruits what was expected of them "I'm an easy man to please" he told them "All i expect is perfection". I could imagine trying something like South African Special Forces - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. It's virtually impossible but it has been done many times before.

As to someone else's question, yes the only reason i'm sober is for the struggle for personal success. Given a choice between being sober and poor and a self inflicted large caliber gunshot wound to the head, i'll take the bullet thank you.

Been feeling better these last few days. Much more energy than the usual and my mind has been very clear. Finally able to walk at the usual pace for distance and not feel exhausted. Still have to deal with physical pain but even that is part of the lesson ie if i was someone of worth i wouldn't be in this situation so there's nothing to be done but endure it. Am thinking of catching out on a freight train and relocating to a city where it would be easier to get work even though housing and transportation would be a problem.

Boleo

Everyone has expectations (except Zen Masters);

Some of us have realistic expectations.

Some of us have pipe dreams.

Carbonized

How exactly the hell would you know the difference between between being realistic and not? To me it seems that you sold yourself as cheap as possible.

Seven years ago i met a guy who was recently divorced and his wife took him right down to the last penny. He was down but not out as he was happy to be free and wanted to try something new that we both had an interest in. Well, he went on but i didn't because i lacked any sort of confidence in myself. That guy now makes about a $100,000 a year.

When i was visiting back home a year and a half ago, i noticed a nice Saab parked around the corner. Curiosity got to me after a while and i asked who it belonged to. Turns out the owner was someone i've known since we were kids who is considered by many to be a not too bright dullard. What he did is what i'm going to do, except i'm going for it with way more intensity than he does.

Now see if your chow mein BS can get you that kind of money. I have no time or place in my life for anyone who doubts my abilities to cut throats and rip out guts with the best of them.

I want and i will have.

And no i don't need any AA crap either. Went to a meeting a few days ago and almost vomited from disgust.

Boleo

The things you put ahead of your recovery are the first things you will lose when you relapse.

Dee74

anyone heard from the original poster, tutivillus89?

D

shil2587

I am a normie brought here by a relationship with an A. One thing that really strikes me is the concept that drinking normally is desirable. I honestly don't see the difference between taking any mind altering drug, except for medical reasons, and drinking. Yet people of all sorts who would never consider taking a drug in the traditional sense, will drink. It's only because it's so embedded in our culture that it's legal. i stopped drinking entirely when I saw what it was doing to people around me. I have never missed it. Life is too good to spend any of it blurry. If I can't enjoy myself with the people i am with then i get new friends. I honestly cannot see what is so attractive about normal drinking.

dayover

An AA friend once said:

"If I were able to drink normally, I would drink every day"

Warhawk

I drank normally...
No wait...
I normally drank....all the time.

Carbonized

Relapse from what? 1- I like money better than alcohol, so the more i make the less i would want to drink. 2-Unlike most here, i quit without programs doctors, meetings, or other assorted wastes of time. I just tapered and that's it. 3-12 step is infamous for failure. Why bother with fantasy when reality is a much better for existence.

By the way, the exhaustion is now gone and so it's time for the next step. Physically speaking, i know i can clock in and work like a champ. Want 12 hour shifts? I can do it. 16 hours? It'll be a stretch but it can be done. Personally, my best is 32 1/2 half hours. There's only two kinds of workers out there, those that can get it done and the lazy. Just have to deal with some lingering injuries and i'm good to go.

Dee74

I removed some posts. If we can't be civil to each other, I'll shut things down.

D

PhaseTwo

as long as you are aware that no matter how much money you make you wont ever be able to control you're drinking again. becoming successful does not cure alcoholism and boleo does have a point in that if you drink again the disease could come back worse than before and cause you to lose all you've gained. remember it is progressive.