1undone

Yesterday before picking my son up from school I went quickly to get a bottle of vodka. I don't normally drink liquor. I wanted to drink and thought it would last longer - the bottle (instead of wine).

Before getting my son I too a couple swigs in the car - to get to a buz faster. BTW, I have never done this before; Drank in the car let alone with my son. When I got home I continued to drink. I never felt the buz.

Later apparently I thought it would be a good idea to stretch on the kitchen counter. While I was doing so I blacked out, in a standing position, and hit the ceramic tile full force on the back of my whole body, of course this includes my head. I came out of my black out when I felt my head hit the floor.

I scared the **** out of my husband. He got ice for my head and looked it over. For whatever reason I was not seriously hurt but obviously in a ton of pain and still am.

I have no idea where the vodka bottle is this morning. Absolutely no recollection of the night until the fall and this morning I feel like I was in a horrible car accident.

Why am I telling you all this? Because within years I have gone from a wine abuser to this. Whatever this is, addiction, abuse, habit, choice, etc. it's going to kill me. I now know this with all my heart. No theories or labels needed.

So now that I know for sure that I could very well and most likely die a horrid death from this stuff, Im getting off the " elevator." In other words I know this is my bottom. There are no choices as to if...

I'm done. With all my heart this is the end of my alcohol career. I wii not spend any more of my very precious time on this earth consuming this crap. I'm done.

Thanks for reading

doggonecarl

I hope for your sake, for your son's, and for your husband's, that this is the epiphany you need to recover. And I hope when the memory of this fades, as it always does for us alcoholics, that you have a recovery plan in place to sustain your current desire to be sober.

Prayers out to you.

fini

1undone,

nothing like getting off that fence, knowing you're done.

hm...maybe have youyrself checked out for possible concussion, though....

1undone

Memories do fade but knowing for sure will die from this won't. Working on the plan. Thank you for being here.

Opivotal

I switched from vodka to wine, wine to vodka, then back again. I progressed to drinking any alcohol available.

I could've killed myself many times when in a blackout. I understand where you're coming from 1undone.

Whatever your plan, we support you and will be here for support.

Fandy

cracking your head on the ceramic tile can be very serious. You may have a concussion and not know it. headaches are not the only symptom. especially if you are vomiting, this may not be booze related or it may be)

Whether or not you choose to tell your doctor about the booze, please call them and get seen, if he/she feels it necessary they will refer you to a neurologist, possibly you need an MRI.

it's really best to get it checked out, if you do tell your doctor, they will keep your confidence, and also help you to detox safely.

1undone

My doctors know all about my drinking history. I'm not nauseated nor do I have a head ache. I'm lucky. I've been given a chance to live. How I have none of those symptoms give the amount I drank and that direct fall is a mystery. I am in pain all over the rear of my body. The only thing I can think of is maybe I fell on my but first and then smacked my head on the tile! My tail bone hurts a little too.

I've been hospitalized for drinking. I have a long history that has progressed beyond anything I could have ever imagined. There is no choice anymore. I can't drink. It will kill me without a doubt. And I believe soon with my track record. I don't have another drunk in me.

realizingtruth

Last year, I spent a Sunday afternoon drinking and took a nap. Figured since I "slept it off," (nope), I continued well into the evening after. When I got home from the bar, I was reaching down to let my dog out of his crate, fell, hit my head on the fireplace. and busted my forehead open. I could have EASILY suffered horrible damage, thank God I only have a scar. I blamed my platform shoes.

Worst part? That didn't stop me. I still drank after. Hell, I drank the next day. Good luck, 1undone. Let's this be the beginning of your new journey and STAY SAFE!

Jsober

I'm glad you realize it is very serious. I'm not trying to be a downer I just want to give my experience around this. It is easy to say I quit forever right after a crisis, injury, DUI, job loss, etc. Once I was free from the crisis that other voice would slowly pop back into my head, telling me I'm ok and a drink would be nice. Just be aware of this and be diligent in your recovery. Will power is a start but more is needed in my experience. Alcohol is a tricky foe.

Itchy

That is what made me start, work on, and finally become recovered. I finally realized I was committing slow suicide, and decided I wasn't suicidal. That was three years ago when I was drinking 30-40 units of alcohol a day, and for the previous two years, had to drink my wife's scotch in my morning coffee to stop the shakes. Sometimes it took two tries because I shook too much or puked the first one up. I also know for a fact I would be dead now, had I not stopped right when I did. I have some minor memory issues having to do with chronology, not remembering how many days ago something happened, or if it was yesterday or the day before. Everything else fine.

I think once we are no longer in "De Nile" without a paddle, and that fact sinks into our alcohol soaked brains as real, we can make it permanently. Take care from yourself!

robgt350

wow looks like you saw the light in drinking, i saw mine also. i had a similar situation like your which scared the hell out of me. i blacked out often, and i had a oh jesus situation. but i work with neuro trauma patients all the time. i would see your doctor about this. if you cannot afford one (which alot of people cannot), please google signs and symptoms of neuro trauma and watch for them.

Dee74

I really hope you can make this your turning point 1undone...thats scary stuff.

D

Hooped

I injured my leg quite seriously during a blackout and woke up in my bed in the morning the sheets soaking wet with blood.
The wound became infected and I had to go to the hospital for 10 days straight for intravenous antibiotic treatment daily.
Yet I kept drinking for another 5 months after that.
It's a hideous disease.

1undone

Thank you ALL for responding. I'm scared about the future and my AV. But I have to stay in today. I can't worry about the future. All I can do is plan and FINIALLY get honest with those closest to me. This is key. I've never been honest. Taking away the smoke screen of lies and not isolating will be a big part of my plan.

I'm not sure how I will approach each one I care about but my husband is the first. Finally I feel like I can tell him everything. And I can tell on myself. Oh and coming here for support an experience.


Again, thanks all.

silentrun

Glad you are getting your second chance. It seems like this disease picks up speed at some point. At least it did for me. I think accepting that its over is key.

Deckard

Thanks for this great post. It really brought me back to the night my own life changed dramatically for the better.

You are on the right track now and there are many good people on this site who are eager to help you, because we've been right there too.