jmnyc

Ok the first question - I have largely been sober for over two months now. Only one slip in the past week (which will be part of my second question.) But everyone is so suspicious that I'm still drinking! My mom will even smell my water bottle which is actually water. When I act silly or get loud (I've always been like that, a natural actress, I don't need drinking to get a little out there) people accuse me of drinking. If I even say I have a COLD my boyfriend asks me if I've been drinking. Hello, we can barely afford groceries right now (apt was damaged by Sandy so we needed lots of new appliances, work done, etc.). When does this stop?!

I feel great, I've lost weight, I look healthy, and I'm rigid about taking my medications (Zoloft in the am and Librium before bed) and have been working out. I can go to weddings and whatnot without craving, just be DD. Good way to save $$ too! Although at first I would drink water, and everyone thought I was pregnant, so I switched to club soda, cran, and a lime to avoid the questions.

Which brings me to my second question. I slipped last night with old friends helping out getting ready for a wedding this weekend (3 cocktails that were MUCH stronger than I thought they'd be b/c they were made by a detox juice company but then mixed with vodka), and it feels like the bloating is back immediately! Any ideas on how to detoxify/debloat with food and nutrients? I already take folic acid and vitamin B and drink lots of water, eat well. But any ideas would be helpful. I plan NOT to drink at the marathon wedding (events tonight through Sunday - ugh!). Shouldn't be hard, though, bc half of the wedding party is pregnant so...no one will really question me just drinking water, rumors will just start again. Haha.

dotboston

It can be annoying when people question your sobriety. But to fair, as you pointed out, you've had some recent slips, so they aren't unfounded.

It means that people around you care for your well being.

Great job on slowing down. Is your goal abstinence? Or harm reduction?

Two months is still very early on in the process, hang in there!

doggonecarl

Considering you relapsed, I say when your earn their trust back...by your actions.

Be safe at the wedding.

artsoul

One of my daughters asked me a couple months ago if I'd been drinking (I haven't had a drink in 3 1/2 years). I'm sure it was because I was acting ditzy or goofy, but it just showed that as much as I'd like to think I was really good at hiding my drinking, it did affect my kids.

The more sober time you have, the more everyone will relax and not worry so much. What I love about sobriety is that I CAN act totally stupid without having to feel guilty about it!

Kathleen41

1. It stopped for me after about 4-6 months. I remember my husband being like "so you really haven't been drinking?" when I was sober about two months, and I never slipped!! It's just such a drastic change, and I eroded everyone's trust to the extent that it took a while for them to believe it was true. I have been careful to never promise I would never drink again, because I take it one day at a time.

2. Water with fresh lemon diffusion will help detoxify and is a natural diuretic. Take room temperature, purified water, and put a few slices of lemon. Leave it sit out for at least 30 minutes or longer, (but not overnight it gets too bitter) then drink lots of it.

Congrats on your sobriety and have fun at the "marathon wedding!"

Boleo

It looks to me like your 2nd question answered your 1st question.

FeenixxRising

I've told everyone who knows my problem that I will always be honest about my drinking (they aren't judgmental, but very concerned). And the times I've slipped I have been honest. If any situation arises where they may think I've been drinking, I inform them that I wasn't. So far everyone has been ok with it.

In my experience being even slightly intoxicated is hard to hide from anyone who is experienced with alcohol. You can smell it, and you can see it in the eyes.

But to the OP. I suggest being honest about any slips. And if you're accused of drinking and you haven't been drinking, simply tell them the truth. If they don't believe you, walk up close to their face and exhale deeply And if that doesn't work, I guess you could buy a breathalyzer and take a test in front of them.

longbeachone

I'm so different when sober, so much nicer (I was a mean drunk) that I didn't get asked much after I really stopped for good. However back in the days when I was constantly "quitting" (not really) my husband often would ask me (and he was right). I've gotten it once or twice since I stopped, and it just made me furious! There is no defense for it..."No, I'm not drinking, I'm just being a jerk, okay?".

fini

jmnyc,

the de-bloating and detoxing from your return to drinking last night will likely just happen by themselves in a day or two.
what might be good to focus on/plan about is how to avoid the return to drinking in the first place.
that's where the energy and attention might be of more use to you.
all the best with that.

Music

First off, IMO you haven't been sober for two months if you drank last night. Secondly, how do you expect the questions and suspicions to go away when you continue the same behavior? I found out that alcohol related problems seem to go away when I stop drinking alcohol. Why don't you give that some thought?

jmnyc

Thanks for the replies. For the record, it was one night after two months, and I was honest about it. There have been no other slips AT ALL. And my program has been working very well, and I have good support, they just sometimes get overly concerned when I really haven't - at all! - been drinking. Anyway...back to the grind.

Music

What in your thinking process told you after two months it was ok to have a drink? People whose program is working, don't drink....AT ALL!

tate9685

Jmnyc....I dont know your history but if you feel you have a problem with drinking, your main concern about having a slip should be how to get back on track and how to stay sober, not worrying about bloating. It doesn't sound like you are really ready to quit or have admitted to yourself that you are an alcoholic...(?) That's o.k. It took me a long time and many failed attempts at drinking to reach the point where I now have 52 days and feel great. Put all other concerns aside...what do you want for your life?

realizingtruth

I think it's unfair to suggest that a slip implies jmnyc isn't sober. it's a slip and it isn't right to discount the previous work because of that, in my opinion. stay strong, jmnyc -- I'm rooting for you.

Music

Most of life isn't "fair" my friend but the truth be known, most of us would be on the minus side of the chart if God was keeping score. I think it's more than equally "unfair" to not say something when a person is obviously BSing themselves into thinking it's ok to drink after making some sort of a tacit comittment to not drink and then wonder why people are suspicious and asking questions.

realizingtruth

I consider a slip and a relapse two separate things.

longbeachone

Hey, relapse is a part of recovery for many people. Plus I didn't see anywhere in the original post that JMNYC is even trying to completely stop drinking...maybe she is cutting down or moderating. She sounds sweet and funny, and like any young girl, is freaked out about a sudden weight gain and asked for some advise. Maybe it's not a great idea to jump on her with both feet and criticize her for her commitment to sobriety when we don't know exactly what her commitment is. My means of holding onto my sobriety is different from everyone else's, it works for me, and projecting my way on someone else is not helpful to me or them. In AA they say "Don't take someone else's inventory".

Dee74

The thing I think we have to remember is what seems like an eternity for us is a mere 8 weeks for our family and friends.

We may consider we're changing our lives - what our friends and family might see is that we had a little break and drank again. Same old same old?

A real and lasting change in relationships comes with a real and lasting change in behaviour.

I don't believe there are any short cuts.
D

fini

And my program has been working very well,

jmnyc,
not to be facetious, but genuine question for you: how do you see a program that's working well resulting in drinking?
what does it look like if it's NOT working well?

doggonecarl

I'd like to know your definition of each then.