Susan2984

Hello all. I figured it would help me to join one of these forums to become more honest with myself. I am definitely alcohol dependent although I can't say that I have slid into full blown "alcoholism." I have "justified" my desire/need to drink for too long and need to be honest with myself. Starting about 3 years ago, when my husband was working nights (as well as many days) and I was at home with a toddler and infant alone most of the time (was a stay at home mom at the time as well) I started drinking wine in the evenings as a sort of escape/company/reward for making it through the day. I am almost 29 now and was about 26 then. I definitely hadn't drank much in years before that. Socially on occasion but was never a big drinker. Over the past 3 years I would say that I have had at least a couple glasses of wine about 4-5 nights a week. Sometimes on the weekends I would finish a bottle and start on another. Many times however it's only 2 glasses to "calm my nerves" after a long day and get to sleep, but there are nights where the better part of two bottles have been drained and I feel "foggy" the next day though those days are more and more rare. That being said, I want to be able to enjoy wine or a drink without feeling like I'm drinking out of habit. I know I have at least a slight problem in that it has become habit to pour a glass of wine when I get the kids in bed to relax. I don't feel the need to drink more and more after that first glass or two, and when I do drink more it's just for "fun" kind of which is wrong in itself. Anyway, anyone relate?

Susan2984

And the reason I am really starting to "Check" myself is that in the past couple months, I would say that I have at least a glass or two of wine almost every single night of the week. At the same time, those 'binge' nights of a bottle or more have almost disappeared. So it's like I don't often feel the desire to drink a "lot" but I have developed a habit of having 1-2 glasses of wine in the evening nightly for my nerves, to sleep etc. It's a habit that I need to break. I did not have any wine last night and it wasn't hard. I just told myself I wouldn't and I didn't. I did however go to bed early, about 9 pm. That's the other thing, my husband works early in the morning and often goes to bed by 8 or 9 pm with the children, while I stay up later, until 11 or 12. That kind of is a "trigger" time. It's habit to sit down with a glass of wine and a movie or a book. It's relaxing. I have googled a lot and many people say that a glass of wine in the evening is NBD but realizing that it's a habit that has lasted 3 years and that in the past I definitely drank more in one sitting than I do now makes me re-evaluate............

Croissant

Welcome Susan.

I'm sure as you work your way around the site, you will find posts and stories similar to yours. Each of us is different, but we all really know deep down if drinking is becoming an issue or a crutch.

I can definitely relate to filling alone time with just me and some wine. I also washed I'd stopped long before I did, way back when it didn't seem like a problem, but it was still concerning me, as it is you.

I once read some good advice here (well, there's lots!), but if you aren't sure and really, really want to see if its an issue, try going 90 days without it. There are lots of articles online, checklists, or you could discuss with your Doctor (honestly) your drinking habits.

Either way, only you can decide if and when something needs to be done.

Best wishes and look forward to hearing more from you!

Susan2984

Thanks It's definitely at least a crutch and I wish I would have realized it was becoming a crutch long ago. I mean it's been a "habit" for almost 3 years. I have no health problems though I have never been honest about the fact that I am a "regular" drinker instead of "social" drinker at this point. I have never blacked out, I don't do things I regret, I rarely feel drunk except on the past nights I would drink a lot more which is rare anymore. I just hate that it's become "normal" for me to have a couple glasses of wine at night, and I figure if I don't own the behavior now, in another 3 years, I won't be "Able to" own it so quickly. Like I said I didn't have any last night, and would like to go the next 30 days without any at all to see how it goes and how I feel. I'm sure I can, but I'm sure there will be at least a couple days where I will want to more than I should, even if just out of boredom, which I think is my problem. I don't like that really, to avoid it, it's easier to go to bed at 9 pm. I want to sit up and watch a movie without sipping a glass of wine. That's my 'challenge' tonight since last night I was fine without and went to bed early though. Sad that that's my 'challenge' but a day at a time to break the habit I suppose!

karate

I would advise googleing hams network and doing some reading .

I was in a bad habit with my drinking at one time , the ideas there helped me decide what to do .

There are also charts there to help you see if you will have any withdrawals -if any .

When I first quit ,I would have a quart of Gatorade for the ride home ,to help the habit so to speak .

Yes I would advise stopping 30 days to break the cycle .

Susan2984

Thanks for the tip about HAMS network. Definitely things that will help there. I actually have two unopened bottles of wine in my fridge right now. I would like to be able to not drink without throwing them away. Testing myself so to speak. I have, lately, always made sure there is wine in the house. I guess ultimately I want to get to a point where there is not always wine in the house, and if there is, I don't have to drink it right away.

jaynie04

Hi Susan and welcome. There is a lot of information on SR, and there are many many people who have been where you are. I think awareness of anything is healthy and taking a look at the part alcohol plays in your life is being aware.


One of the great things about this forum is that I see a lot of parallels to the thought processes of other people whom have problems with alcohol. The concept of moderation is one that is talked about a lot....

I got sober recently. I'm 48, happily married for 16 years with a healthy daughter. I never drove drunk, never had problems with the law, on the outside everything looked fine. But I knew that the amount of time I spent drinking, and more importantly thinking about drinking was not normal.

My husband is a social drinker. He has a stressful job and comes home from work and goes for a run or goes to play squash. In all the time I have been with him I have never seen him "use" alcohol. He enjoys it, but it is a side dish not an entree.

As the years have marched on for me the amount of drinking and focus on drinking increased. Alcohol became a reward at the end of the day. A glass of wine became a bottle, became more.

I don't compare amounts I compare my perceptions of alcohol to other people. I made the choice to get sober because I could see where I was headed and I didn't want to live like I was living anymore. I was tired of being hungover and not fully present. I was tired of that ever growing train of thought in my head..if I do XYZ then I can drink.

I believe that if I had continued to drink only bad things were going to come of it.

I think you are wise to carefully consider this aspect of your life, healthy choices stand up to scrutiny. And if you decide that you don't like what you see, I think SR is a great place to find some answers. Welcome!

GratefulDad

Wishing you the best

Renarde

This was me - and I stuck with 2 glasses a night, but the glasses kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger and I was starting earlier. I'd like to be able to drink wine in moderation too, but I don't think I can anymore.

artsoul

Welcome Susan and congrats for being honest with yourself about your drinking!

You essentially told my story..... Toddlers at home, I started drinking a couple glasses of wine/beer in the evening to relax/sleep and turn my mind off. I'd occasionally sneak in an "extra" glass here or there and over time my desire to drink (and just looking forward to it) grew. I knew deep down that it wasn't normal to drink most nights of the week but I found it hard to stop. (I also didn't think I had withdrawal symptoms, but in hindsight, I can see that a lot of my depression and anxiety was due to alcohol.)

This is a great place for information and support......Glad you're here!

karate

FWIW , my doctor said never do something 2 days in a row and you wont become addicted .?

Becky13

This is my story too, and why I'm at SR. I started just like you about seven years ago. My husband is a workaholic and often out of town.

I honestly never had more than 3 (or rarely 4) big glasses of wine a night, but it was EVERY night. I could not remember a night that I didn't drink.

I realized it was a problem when it consumed my thoughts during the day ... do I have enough at home? Should I stop at the store? What if my husband wants a glass and I don't have enough? All day I'd be waiting for the first glass, and I would chug it. Then I'd start to calm down at about glass two, and top off the night with another.

I didn't schedule anything after 5 pm, wouldn't take calls, wouldn't go outside. I just drank mt wine. Played with the kids inside. If a kid had a school function, I was chomping at the bit to get home and drink. I couldn't understand how other people just casually went to kids' practices and games in the evening.

If I had to go somewhere where there wasn't alcohol served, I'd resent every minute of being there--especially at my inlaws. I was short tempered with everybody, especially the kids.

I'd also always drink before going to a restaurant. I never went to a restaurant that didn't serve alcohol.

Gradually I'd want to start drinking earlier in the day. It'd be hard to wait until after I had to get my kids off the bus (didn't want other moms at the bus stop to know) before having my first glass.

I made a change on August 14. I've only had wine on four or five days since then, and only two of the 6 oz single bottles. I feel much better. I can sleep. I'm happy and not irritable around my kids. I can go places with them after 5 pm. We go for bike rides and walks.

I'm also not reading them bedtime stories and worried that they always smell wine on my breath. I just feel more natural and whole and lively.

I've been reading here at SR and it has helped me soo much. I realized how much alcohol was consuming my life and running the show. I realized it was robbing me of my time with my kids. I also realized that it was only a matter of time until it all got worse, and I'm not going to let that happen.

Well, this has been my first post. Thank you SR. this post hit a nerve I guess. Reminded me of myself.

robgt350

Susan

wow i mad several connections in your story. i was like you, my wife and i work opposite scheduals i work night shifts and she worked day shifts. but i was alone like you and getting kids to bed after dinner and i have a few beers to "calm my nerves" then it turned into more and more and i caught my self drinking to the point of blacking out.
i wish saw the light early like you did. i saw i could to loose so much at the price of a bottle every night. finally i had enough is enough and i made a final push to stop drinking. but i made that big step and i have been sober for over 9 months now. my life is so different in a positive way and i only encourage you to stay sober. if you need help or want to talk to, feel free to PM my or go to the chat room and there are alot of wonderful people there.

oak

Welcome Susan! (Welcome Becky and GratefulDad too!)

I hope you find what you are looking for here. You might also like Women for Sobriety (different website).

I could relate to a lot of what you wrote.

Susan2984

Thanks for all the great feedback and support, it's nice to know that I'm not alone, like REALLY know there are others who identify with my issues. I have never wanted to drink earlier in the day however I can sympathize with preferring to sit home on a Friday night and down a bottle of wine rather than go out and do something. I will admit that maybe a year ago when those nights were more frequent I said "no" to a few outings because I realized I couldn't just sit and drink at home like I wanted to. Ugh. I am trying to break that isolating mindset.

zjw

i started out only drinking on weekends. Bingeing of course. I graduated to daily drinking but only after 5pm when work was done. Of course I did have a job where i worked 3-11 and sometimes would crack a few around 8pm while on the clock it was just for fun. I just like having a good time liked haven some drinks etc.. I quit once for 30 days to prove i didnt have a problem and it was no big deal. One night at a resturant I rewarded myself with a nice draft beer. I said I'll just have 1 and back to the no drinking. It was my reward for not drinking for 30 days. I had this licked I wasnt an alcoholic nope not me. I ordered another drink that night and got a 6 pack on the way home drank every day from then on of course the occasional night off for some odd reason or to prove i didnt have a problem etc.. then back on the bottle again. That was about 12 years ago. I was an alcoholic then but didnt realize it I already had many years of good drinking under my belt. 10 more years go by and i'm a daily drinker still 30 pack of beer every other day at the very least along with wine or whatever else. Then i broke my 5pm rule started drinking one at lunch to take the edge off. Or at 3pm i'd start cracking them open. Sometimes I'd wake up and promptly drink one just to calm my nerves then not have another till after 5pm. By this point i was hooked and hooked bad. Quiting was the hardest thing I ever did my entire life that 30 day off i took early on was EASY as PIE in comparison to the hell i went through just 10 years later to quit!. I should never have picked up after that 30 day off but I didnt know any better.

Thank God now i've been sober over 2 years and I dont wanna go back to it! It really snuck up on me to some degree. Before i new it I had a very bad problem.

Nuudawn

Congrats on making the decision to take a good honest look at your drinking habit/crutch. Good on you! I wish I had the insight I feel I have now to have looked at what I was doing and how I was depending on alcohol for well...almost everything..in the end. In my 20's I was about a once a week binger (and often to blackout). By my 30's (after a break up) wine became my new best friend..each and everyday (unless hungover). I just had no idea what I was doing. You sound like a smart cookie...much smarter than I was at your age.

Good luck on your decision to knock it off awhile. I don't know if you are open to suggestions but I would suggest a good period of abstinence in order to face things head on..without your crutch. I am of the opinion that taking alcohol completely out of the equation for a while is the best route to build your emotional muscle and resilience.

Susan2984

Thanks I am shooting for 30 days without any. Been 3 so far. First two nights weren't bad at all but last night my kids were really difficult with bedtime and I wanted to have just a glass of wine to calm my nerves and I didn't. I still have wine in the house. I kinda wanted to try to go without even though the option was still technically "There" but I think going into the weekend I will dump it out tonight. I don't have to be a "hero" so to speak. I think the worst part is just the "habit" of it. What a terrible habit really. If it's an every night habit anyway.

zjw

When I quit I new i'd get panicy if there was no beer in the house ya know just in case. As a result I had about 18 or so beers in the fridge. 8 months later they where all still accounted for and i let someone else have them. knowing it was there if i needed it helped me going that long and not needing it I realized I did not need it. 2 years later I dumped the 5 gallon bucket of homemade wine i had too also having never touched it.

It was bitter sweet watching it go down the drain. Good riddance tho. I'm glad those days are behind me.

longbeachone

Hi Susan, Its great that you are looking responsibly at your drinking. Only you will know if drinking is, or begins to be, a problem. Try not to make comparisons or use benchmarks to measure your drinking. Many of us, me included, were closet drinkers, never had DUI' s or blackouts. I was still unquestionably an alcoholic. And that's not in any way to say you are.
Once again, it's something you must determine.

Stopping for a month is a great idea. if your drinking is habitual, then you can break the habit by stopping. My only concern for you is that alcoholism is a progressive and insidious disease. It sneaks up on you. Always be vigilant, and try not to drink to cover emotions. That's what I did, and my drinking increased as I started being less and less able to deal with them, eventually unable to deal with anything, drinking over all my feelings, good and bad.