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Old 08-20-2013, 02:33 AM
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Been here before.

I've been an alcoholic since 1997. I've tried many things to try and quit and always get so far and stumble back to my old ways. Recently it has hit almost 2 litres of vodka a day. This is my 4th day since quitting again. I only found this site after googling itching alcholism. I never itched like this before. Currently I am strong and determined, I'm also horrendously depressed and anxious. I was on medication recently for this and decided to quit myself, which in some aspects is worse than coming off alcohol. I was on paroxetine and mirtazapine. I refuse to try AA again, it just wasn't for me. I also refuse to try antebuse or campracite again. I would really like to do this on my own two feet. I do have some friends who understand, one's parent recently died of alcoholism, but even though they try and help and are there for me, they do not really understand. I've done bad things drinking, prison, pissing on the floor, arguing with people I don't know and this couldn't be more out of character for me when I am sober. It seems I get so far, my confidence goes up, I get back on my bike then I lapse again. I'd like to point out I am not one of the ones who drinks everyday. After so many days my body cannot take it anymore physically. This is because I do not eat at all. I know the anxiety and depression will dissipate soon also. This time I'm more scared than ever as I've been getting bad chest and stomach pains. I want to go and see the Dr, but the support she will refer me to where I live is very limited in our town.
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Old 08-20-2013, 07:38 AM
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Welcome to SR Funkztadelic
You have taken a step in the right direction.
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Old 08-20-2013, 07:46 AM
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Getting sober has been a hard road and the trip will never be over. I am feeling so much better about myself and life in general that I look forward to the rest of the trip. I too did not want to go the AA route but I have found that that may not be for everyone. I do know that you need to find something to lift yourself up and that was finding out that a higher power in my life has helped me tremendously. Stay true to yourself and focus on the great feelings you receive every morning you wake up without a hangover.
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Old 08-20-2013, 07:54 AM
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welcome
sounds like you have a lot on your plate
as you know already best to
take it one day at a time for now

it all starts off right for us by
not taking a drink today

tomorrow will work itself out

Mountainman
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Old 08-20-2013, 08:06 AM
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Welcome Funkztadelic, you will find lots of support here. If i were you i would go to the doctor and be completely honest about your drinking. They will be able to provide you with any medical assistance you might need. Detoxing by yourself can be very dangerous. I would also get a plan together for your recovery and support in place so you don't keep relapsing. Wishing you well.
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Old 08-20-2013, 08:33 AM
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alot of refusals there.
i couldnt get sober until i got an open mind and didnt do it on my own two feet.
my own two feet got me where i was and they could walk to the liquor store.

have an open mind and listen to someone else that is sober.
youre way isnt working
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Old 08-20-2013, 09:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Funkztadelic View Post
I've been an alcoholic since 1997. I've tried many things to try and quit and always get so far and stumble back to my old ways. Recently it has hit almost 2 litres of vodka a day. This is my 4th day since quitting again. I only found this site after googling itching alcholism. I never itched like this before. Currently I am strong and determined, I'm also horrendously depressed and anxious. I was on medication recently for this and decided to quit myself, which in some aspects is worse than coming off alcohol. I was on paroxetine and mirtazapine. I refuse to try AA again, it just wasn't for me. I also refuse to try antebuse or campracite again. I would really like to do this on my own two feet. I do have some friends who understand, one's parent recently died of alcoholism, but even though they try and help and are there for me, they do not really understand. I've done bad things drinking, prison, pissing on the floor, arguing with people I don't know and this couldn't be more out of character for me when I am sober. It seems I get so far, my confidence goes up, I get back on my bike then I lapse again. I'd like to point out I am not one of the ones who drinks everyday. After so many days my body cannot take it anymore physically. This is because I do not eat at all. I know the anxiety and depression will dissipate soon also. This time I'm more scared than ever as I've been getting bad chest and stomach pains. I want to go and see the Dr, but the support she will refer me to where I live is very limited in our town.
I have felt like you describe and drank large amounts of vodka. My drinking character resembles nothing like my sober character also.

I understand you refuse AA.

Many people here have found sobriety in other ways.

It cannot hurt to go and see the doctor just to get a health checkup, even if doctor cannot refer you elsewhere...the point would be to see the doctor for your current state of health.

That is most important.

The recovery path will follow, and you will find it.

Stay with us.

Be encouraged today.
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Old 08-20-2013, 09:24 AM
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I had chest, stomach, and organ pain before I quit drinking. Me in my drinking state would not totally, 100% believe that it was from the alcohol. I thought it may have been cancer. Funny, as I write this, I guess I was a bit of a hypochondriac while drinking, due to all the odd pains and sensations my body received from the booze. Thankfully, today I do not have to deal with that anymore. I am 58 days clean, and my thoughts have improved, my mind is clearer, my body feels better, I have lost a significant amount of weight, and I genuinely like sobriety.
My advice: just take it slow. Consider going to a SMART meeting in your area, or if there is an SOS meeting nearby, maybe check that out. If neither of those will work for you, stick around Sober Recovery. It helps, having a community to share your pains and triumphs with.
Things will get better, provided you don't put anything harmful in your body.
I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 08-20-2013, 09:44 AM
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Itching could be the result of alcohol intolerance or alcoholic pruritis, both are the result of drinking far too much. Your body is losing the ability to process alcohol. These are indications that you must stop drinking...you are playing with fire.

When I was able to quit, it was because I had finally made the connection that alcohol made me feel terrible. It was like an equation that I had finally solved. Now when I see or think of any kind of alcohol, the mental, and even physical response is negative. I think and feel nauseous, jittery, anxious, horrible. I no longer think or feel pleasure, or have any kind of pleasurable response. As gross as it sounds, think right now of drinking a big gulp of sour milk...not pleasant, right? That is similar to how I feel when I think about taking a drink. There is actually a psychological name for this (I don't remember what it is), but I believe that by making a constant effort every time you want a drink, to think of all of the bad things alcohol makes you feel and do. I believe if you work at it, you can train your mind to stop craving a drink by learning this technique.
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Old 08-21-2013, 02:53 AM
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I came here because I didn't want to do this alone anymore. I have been to the Dr's on and off, more on than off for the past 16-17 years. I'm feeling not as depressed today, but still very angry with myself for letting myself down again. Alcohol and everything about it makes me feel terrible. I convinced myself time and time again that I could just have 1 or 2 and at times I did, but after I always wanted more, sometimes I wouldn't though and after a time thought I had won. I have learned I cannot just have one two to be sociable. The itching is subsiding and nothing is as bad as it was a few days ago. When I was coming off I couldn't even bring myself to do the things I love, like my gardening or even my favourite hobby which is gaming. I can now and did a little yesterday. I gotta stop with the lies that I don't feel like a drink sometimes and just tell my friends when I do and go around there. I'll also be coming here a lot for others peoples stories for inspiration, and hopefully one day I can give other people the inspiration they need. Thank you all. Means a lot and I appreciate it.
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Old 08-21-2013, 02:56 AM
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We don't have SMART or SOS here as I live in the UK. We have CAN, (Council on Addiction.) I have been there on and off for over ten years. It's like I said, I get so far then fall back and lapse, not relapse completely. The funding for alcohol addiction at CAN is almost non-existent though and is more geared to heroin addicts. I'm currently cleaning the house and removing all the empty vodka bottles. I've been here before and this time I wasn't checking to see if there was any drips left in the bottle. This is a first for me.
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Old 08-21-2013, 09:41 AM
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You never have to take another drink.

You don't have to do this alone.

I'm proud of you.

Have a happy day, and if you can, get out of the house and enjoy some nature, beauty, and fresh air.
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Old 08-21-2013, 11:40 AM
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Welcome Funkz - It's so good you found us. You never have to feel alone with this. There's always someone around, 24/7. Reaching out was the best thing I ever did. I hope you'll feel the same. We're all rooting for you.
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Old 08-21-2013, 12:55 PM
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Glad to hear you want to get off the roller coaster.

This post is NOT advocating for or against AA.

However, I personally have found the statement "I refuse" in any way to be incompatible with recovery.
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Old 08-21-2013, 09:12 PM
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Welcome Funkztadelic and congratulations on your 4 days sober!
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Old 09-02-2013, 11:56 AM
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Just a quick update. It's been over two weeks now. I've just been keeping myself busy. Riding my MTB on local trails and gaming a fair bit, gardening also. I feel a lot happier now. One minute at a time. Things are a lot easier now. Thanks for all the support everyone. I really appreciate it.
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Old 09-02-2013, 12:02 PM
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Welcome mate, congrats on 2 weeks that's awesome ;-)
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Old 09-02-2013, 01:49 PM
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Good job Funk!
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