LadyBlue0527

I'm so thankful for this place. Today is day 60 which has me pumped, I posted some real positive things today in regards to how I've been able to combat the AV and get as far as I have.

But, truth be told that fracking voice is lurking in the shadows yelling "Really? You think you have me beat and licked? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

Today was just a crappy day at work. Overwhelming and feeling really unorganized. Being that I am OCD (not really, actually self diagnosed but you have to know me to understand) I hate leaving here on a Friday feeling like I didn't accomplish everything that I wanted to this week. This means that for some amount of time I'll be working from home this weekend trying to get things organized before Monday so I have a fresh start.

What do I want to do right now? I want to call one of my Friday Happy Hour drinking buddies and ask if she's up for a few adult beverages. I want to go and pour the beers down and bit&* about the work week and how badly it sucked.

Thankfully, I have you all here so I can come and shout that from the rafters so that I can get past it and realize that the outcome of doing just that won't be pretty. On top of that I will negate the ability to attend my Sunday night meeting and pick up my next chip. Not to mention that I'll feel like crap tomorrow and get really pi**ed at myself. I'll give in and become the person that I learned to hate.

It's so odd too that I went through this just past my 30 day mark too.

I CAN DO THIS, I CAN DO THIS. I WILL RIDE THE URGE AND OVERCOME!

Isaiah

I hear what sounds like your Sober Voice coming through. I'd hold conversation with that one.

I agree that you're right. You *could* go out drinking, but sounds like there would be some regret afterward, would cut into your ability to prepare for next week, plus it'd mean starting over again in your days of sobriety.

Do you have any other hobbies, activities, etc. that help you relax?

Impurrfect

LadyBlue - I had read, here, several people saying that "anniversaries" could be when cravings/AV/whatever get worse..30 days, 60, etc. I was glad to know that before I hit 30 days, so I was prepared.

Maybe knowing it happens to a LOT of us will make you feel a bit better? I thought "I must not be doing as well as I thought in recovery" only to find out it's just a little bump in the road. Can't remember when anniversaries/milestones stopped being an issue, but it did.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Happyfeet

Hey Ladblue..I am sitting her after work battling with my AV surfing SR with 59 days and I saw your post.

You are not alone! I am determined to keep myself busy to beat the beast. I really want my 60 chip tomorrow and I am not going to let.

We can overcome this together and slay the beast!

Woohoo

Hubby and I are having some issues..so my AV is really strong right now. I am trying to hang in there. And keep myself busy with distractions. I slept good last night..prayed and ask God to help me through this. SR has helped me so much and all of your sharing and great post..let me know it is a battle..but it can be won!

Sudz No More

Hang in there everyone! It does get easier the farther you get. I remember those crazy two month cravings but it is in a distant past for me now a few weeks longer than 6 months. I passed 200 days today and I haven't had any major cravings in at least a month.

You can do it, you'll be glad you did.

LadyBlue0527

Thank you all so much for the responses, they helped to cement me in getting past the craving. Doing ok now because happy hour time has passed and am about to watch Newsroom which I have DVRd.

Thanks also for the info on anniversaries being a time when cravings get worse. I wasn't aware of this at all. It never ceases to amaze me how even though we all have our own stories that this problem is alike in so many ways. It helps to know and expect it so that when I get to the 90 day mark that I'll be aware and plan something different than the current plan that I already have.

It helps to know too that I am not alone in this.

I'm thankful that all of you are here. You're the reason that I didn't drink tonight.

silentrun

I hear ya Ladyblue. The AV is having a go at me tonight also. I don't know if I am coming up on my 6 months or just did 2 consecutive 90 days (3 drinks at first 90 day mark). We got this. No drinking for us girls tonight.

zjw

yeah 60 days is a big deal no sense in throwing it all away now. wake up tommorrow start fresh working on 61 days. I got rather over confident at 30 days felt I had achieved something and figured I could handle a beer no big deal and I deserved it too. Luckily my wife stepped in and said you've made it 30 days your gonna throw it all away over 1 bad day? she got sad i put the beer back and now its been 2 years.

So hang in there! And good job it gets better.

forabetterlife

Lady Blue, I think I mentioned in another one of your posts earlier today that I relapsed on Day 60 last fall. But it sounds like you are more connected to your sobriety at that point than I was. I had drifted away from SR, and just kind of figured that I would go on being sober without any more work. Not being an AA person, I KNOW that I need the connection here and well as working on myself.

Sorry you had a bad day, of all days! But it was another test for you, and it just made you even stronger and more committed. Yay for you!

zjw

yeah keep in mind you'll have bad days and use that as an excuse to drink. You'll have good days and use that as an excuse to drink. You'll have holidays, birthdays special occasions you'll have whatever you can think of really and try and use it as excuses to drink. Once you beat all of those or almost all of them you realize you dont really have any good reasons to go drink and you wonder wtf you did it for to begin with. then you get to a point where well now and then you think gee member the time when Oh thank god i dont do that anymore!

artsoul

Glad you're feeling better, Lady. Coming here and reading always helped me, too. I definitely felt funky in the days right before those milestones.

You mentioned feeling overwhelmed, which was my #1 trigger...... I still catch myself feeling that way from time to time. My experience has been that, in addition to coming here, staying in the moment and gratitude work well to keep me in balance. Oh, and good night's sleep.....

Hope you find a little time to enjoy yourself this weekend!