Angry. So so SO angry.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Angry. So so SO angry.
Evidentially anger is not an emotion I deal well with. I'm so frustrated with a situation at work that I feel totally locked into that I can barely see straight. The particulars are probably not necessary to share, but suffice it to say I'm backed into a corner, with someone who knows damn well they have me over a barrel, and they are financially raping me and practically laughing in my face about it.
I always handled anger with drink. Or better yet, didn't handle it. I have tried all my arsenal of tricks, meditation, breathing, pacing, feeling it, diversion and I'm dizzy and disassociated from being infuriated.
I actually am scared I might stroke out because I feel so completely out of control.
How do you handle anger in sobriety ?
I always handled anger with drink. Or better yet, didn't handle it. I have tried all my arsenal of tricks, meditation, breathing, pacing, feeling it, diversion and I'm dizzy and disassociated from being infuriated.
I actually am scared I might stroke out because I feel so completely out of control.
How do you handle anger in sobriety ?
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
When I was drinking I was angry all the time. That is probably my favorite thing about sobriety is having that anger gone. I actually got so mad at some boss I was afraid I would stroke out too. He so wasn't worth that. I never could talk myself down so I really don't have any advise except you could try running or shaking your fist at the sky and screaming "bastards."
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Feeling out of control, at least when it involves other people, is not good for my mental health. So if I were in this situation, I'd try to think of any way to get myself out of it. And if it's temporary, well then maybe focus and concentrate on the fact it's only temporary and won't always be this way... but I would find this pretty difficult to deal with. Feeling like others are taking advantage, and leaving me feeling helpless brings out the rage in me as well... talk to a therapist perhaps?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 891
Sounds like you have tried the techniques. Id suggest keep trying them. Practices of anger and resentment management take time to resolve.
I know some people who have taken stress leave thinking things would be different on return. Others have taken grievances their HR department or union to resolve, me I switched jobs 6 times in 5 years sometimes voluntary sometimes not. I've noticed that all three of these strategies to resolve workplace disputes did not really work. I eventually realized I was the problem. At least my habitual way of thinking and reacting to people, problems and events was using anger in a self destructive manner and resentment was poisoning my life and feeding my addiction.
How so I deal with it? Still not 100% but progressing. Working the AA steps and having principles which are non-negotiable. Realizing that much of the premise and source of my anger is fear based and illusionary. I also have a situation at work where I'd be inclined to "snatch it" and go elsewhere rather than having courage and facing my problems one day at a time. My mind is exploring this concept and I'm still there and not fantasizing about venting my frustration on some a-hole that definitely needs an "education old school".
Talk to someone is all I can suggest. Someone remote from your work. I speak to a counsellor once in a while. A sensible and pragmatic friend may give good advice. A psych can give you some good anger management and acceptance strategies that may help. AA may not be your thing but the 12 steps is the foundation of my recovery and could have something to offer you.
Best
I know some people who have taken stress leave thinking things would be different on return. Others have taken grievances their HR department or union to resolve, me I switched jobs 6 times in 5 years sometimes voluntary sometimes not. I've noticed that all three of these strategies to resolve workplace disputes did not really work. I eventually realized I was the problem. At least my habitual way of thinking and reacting to people, problems and events was using anger in a self destructive manner and resentment was poisoning my life and feeding my addiction.
How so I deal with it? Still not 100% but progressing. Working the AA steps and having principles which are non-negotiable. Realizing that much of the premise and source of my anger is fear based and illusionary. I also have a situation at work where I'd be inclined to "snatch it" and go elsewhere rather than having courage and facing my problems one day at a time. My mind is exploring this concept and I'm still there and not fantasizing about venting my frustration on some a-hole that definitely needs an "education old school".
Talk to someone is all I can suggest. Someone remote from your work. I speak to a counsellor once in a while. A sensible and pragmatic friend may give good advice. A psych can give you some good anger management and acceptance strategies that may help. AA may not be your thing but the 12 steps is the foundation of my recovery and could have something to offer you.
Best
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I drank to get rid of emotions, too, so when I got sober, I had to learn to accept my feelings. It wasn't easy at first, but over time, I started feeling good about getting through some hard times while sober.
It can be tough to let go of anger because it puts us in a physical state of fight or flight. I usually try to give myself a little time to settle down (a good night's sleep can do wonders!) before I start thinking about how to handle the situation.
Whatever you do, don't drink over it..... you'll only be punishing yourself.....
It can be tough to let go of anger because it puts us in a physical state of fight or flight. I usually try to give myself a little time to settle down (a good night's sleep can do wonders!) before I start thinking about how to handle the situation.
Whatever you do, don't drink over it..... you'll only be punishing yourself.....
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Fortunately I'm already past my witching hour, so I will remain sober for tonight.
And thank you all for taking your time to help me strategize through this.
He knows I'm upset and actually called to speak to me about it. But I responded with an email that I was not in the position to discuss this at the moment as I was angry and hurt and needed to get myself under control. That probably fueled his demonic fire, but at the very least, I was true to myself and my convictions for just one moment.
And thank you all for taking your time to help me strategize through this.
He knows I'm upset and actually called to speak to me about it. But I responded with an email that I was not in the position to discuss this at the moment as I was angry and hurt and needed to get myself under control. That probably fueled his demonic fire, but at the very least, I was true to myself and my convictions for just one moment.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
It may be a bit of a cliche, but I find that spending some time reflecting on the "serenity prayer" really does help me in situations that anger or frustrate me.
Can you change the matter you are dealing with? For me, that would be a place to work from...
Can you change the matter you are dealing with? For me, that would be a place to work from...
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
It's great that you were able to delay meeting with your tormentor. That demonstrates at least a modicum of self control.
We often feel angry or enraged when we fear we're losing something valuable, or that we won't get what we want. We'd rather feel angry than afraid. Your rage solidifies your connection with this person, but leaves out the better parts of who you are, something he seems to also be doing very well.
The art of turning a massive conflict into a worthwhile challenge is not easily learned. At the very least, you have an opportunity here to take care of yourself without killing you and your tormentor in the process. Change places with this walking toxin, and imagine what kind of response would be disarming for someone in his position.
We often feel angry or enraged when we fear we're losing something valuable, or that we won't get what we want. We'd rather feel angry than afraid. Your rage solidifies your connection with this person, but leaves out the better parts of who you are, something he seems to also be doing very well.
The art of turning a massive conflict into a worthwhile challenge is not easily learned. At the very least, you have an opportunity here to take care of yourself without killing you and your tormentor in the process. Change places with this walking toxin, and imagine what kind of response would be disarming for someone in his position.
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
I'm not saying this is easy, but for the Christian the scripture is pretty clear.....
Mathew 5:44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
Jesus then teaches this in the most powerful way on the cross, seeing the best in even those who crucified Him.....
Luke 24:34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
As Christians we are called to remember that Christ died for sinners. We know we rely on God's mercy, and so are called to show that same mercy to others.
Luke 6:36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
A very moving book is Corrie Ten Boon's The Hiding Place. Corrie and her family were sent to a Nazi concentration camp as punishment for hiding Jews from the Germans. She was the only survivor. But throughout they were praying for their guards. It is a most remarkable story. At the end a guard did recognize the evil he had done and sought forgiveness. Corrie describes what happened....
“It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, a former S.S.man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there – the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie's pain-blanched face.
He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. “How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein.” He said. “To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!” His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.
Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him. I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing,not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I prayed, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.
As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.”
[From The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom]
Mathew 5:44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
Jesus then teaches this in the most powerful way on the cross, seeing the best in even those who crucified Him.....
Luke 24:34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
As Christians we are called to remember that Christ died for sinners. We know we rely on God's mercy, and so are called to show that same mercy to others.
Luke 6:36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
A very moving book is Corrie Ten Boon's The Hiding Place. Corrie and her family were sent to a Nazi concentration camp as punishment for hiding Jews from the Germans. She was the only survivor. But throughout they were praying for their guards. It is a most remarkable story. At the end a guard did recognize the evil he had done and sought forgiveness. Corrie describes what happened....
“It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, a former S.S.man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there – the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie's pain-blanched face.
He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. “How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein.” He said. “To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!” His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.
Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him. I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing,not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I prayed, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.
As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.”
[From The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom]
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Getting to where I want to be
Posts: 502
For me, anger is a secondary emotion. I've found all the anger I've had is rooted in fear. If I analyze the anger I have, I find a fear of losing something I have or a fear of not getting something I want. Subconsciously, I deal with that fear by becoming angry at the person or thing that is causing that loss (or blocking my getting what I want).
I deal with it by recognizing and identifying the fear. I look for my part in the conflict to see if perhaps I'm doing something wrong. I try to rationally (this can be tough!) analyze the other person's (thing's) actions and motivations. By this time the anger is usually very much diminished and I've reached a state of actively looking for a rational answer to the conflict.
Remember: Your anger, whether justified or not, is not hurting or affecting the other person at all. It is hurting you both physically and mentally and really serves no useful purpose other than getting your attention that something's wrong.
I deal with it by recognizing and identifying the fear. I look for my part in the conflict to see if perhaps I'm doing something wrong. I try to rationally (this can be tough!) analyze the other person's (thing's) actions and motivations. By this time the anger is usually very much diminished and I've reached a state of actively looking for a rational answer to the conflict.
Remember: Your anger, whether justified or not, is not hurting or affecting the other person at all. It is hurting you both physically and mentally and really serves no useful purpose other than getting your attention that something's wrong.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 587
maybe its time for a new job. For me in the past situations like this always turned out for the best in the long term. Usually when I feel angry at someone it is something I need to look at differently or it is a sign that I should change direction and do something else....... And yes looking for a new job causes a lot of anxiety, but hey maybe there is a job for you around the corner that makes you happy and gives more income and you would never see it without being pushed into the corner? Who knows, just something to think about
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by alphaomega 
Evidentially anger is not an emotion I deal well with. I'm so frustrated with a situation at work that I feel totally locked into that I can barely see straight. The particulars are probably not necessary to share, but suffice it to say I'm backed into a corner, with someone who knows damn well they have me over a barrel, and they are financially raping me and practically laughing in my face about it.
I always handled anger with drink. Or better yet, didn't handle it. I have tried all my arsenal of tricks, meditation, breathing, pacing, feeling it, diversion and I'm dizzy and disassociated from being infuriated.
I actually am scared I might stroke out because I feel so completely out of control.
How do you handle anger in sobriety ?
I always handled anger with drink. Or better yet, didn't handle it. I have tried all my arsenal of tricks, meditation, breathing, pacing, feeling it, diversion and I'm dizzy and disassociated from being infuriated.
I actually am scared I might stroke out because I feel so completely out of control.
How do you handle anger in sobriety ?
I learned a lot about what it means to get "Stuck" in your emotions. I mean you feel it, then you obsess about it, and the negative energy of it grows and grows inside you.
Other people might plant the seed in you, but ultimately you're the one who's watering the plant and fertilizing it.
I think the first step is to restore reason, and to do that you have to exhaust the angry emotions.
For me the answer was exercise.
I bought a cheap heavy bag and hung it up, and then hit the weight room. In the winters I would strap my gear sled over my shoulder load it with firewood and run in the deep snow Rocky IV style.
When you physically exhaust the body, it's pretty much impossible to get angry. I mean seriously... Work yourself to the point of physical exhaustion... And just TRY to get angry.
With anger exhausted, you can now apply reason to your situation and with clarity, you'll be able to see answers to your situation that the anger and frustration previously clouded.
That and transforming yourself into a Brick Outhouse, helps with the self confidence.
That's at least what worked for me.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Deck - ah yes. That beautiful prayer. I almost forgot it. I did spend some time reflecting. It was cathartic. Thank you.
Endgame
We often feel angry or enraged when we fear we're losing something valuable, or that we won't get what we want. We'd rather feel angry than afraid. Your rage solidifies your connection with this person, but leaves out the better parts of who you are, something he seems to also be doing very well.
This is entirely true. I am afraid. Terrified in fact. This man is the IT guy for my small business and he hold the key, quite literally, to whether or not my computer system functions. I have been under his control for the better part of 20 years because I don't have the time or interest to get a new system and software. He's been systematically raping me financially for decades. And it's my fear of the unknown that allows it to continue.
John44 - wow did your post hit home. Fear of losing something - my livelihood. I have often thought he dials in and places viruses so that I will have to call him and get a new pc, etc. The last pc install, connected to my network, cost 2500.00. Just the instal portion !!! And he knows full well if I don't pay him, I'm f-ed. So my only option is to replace all my software and most hardware which will force me to take out a loan. It's so messed up.
Strange isn't it ? I can apply all of these beautiful suggestions so easily to others problems and give advice to oh, say, surrender, feel it, move on, let go, let God, be thankful for the teacher and the lesson, etc. But when I have to move through the torment and confusion in my own experience, I feel like a drama queen.
Bottom line is no one is going to do it for me. I have to face this once and for all. Put on my big girl panties and move throughout this exceptionally frightening and stagnant situation.
But I'm scared.
So much for the broad with the angel avatar.
Endgame
We often feel angry or enraged when we fear we're losing something valuable, or that we won't get what we want. We'd rather feel angry than afraid. Your rage solidifies your connection with this person, but leaves out the better parts of who you are, something he seems to also be doing very well.
This is entirely true. I am afraid. Terrified in fact. This man is the IT guy for my small business and he hold the key, quite literally, to whether or not my computer system functions. I have been under his control for the better part of 20 years because I don't have the time or interest to get a new system and software. He's been systematically raping me financially for decades. And it's my fear of the unknown that allows it to continue.
John44 - wow did your post hit home. Fear of losing something - my livelihood. I have often thought he dials in and places viruses so that I will have to call him and get a new pc, etc. The last pc install, connected to my network, cost 2500.00. Just the instal portion !!! And he knows full well if I don't pay him, I'm f-ed. So my only option is to replace all my software and most hardware which will force me to take out a loan. It's so messed up.
Strange isn't it ? I can apply all of these beautiful suggestions so easily to others problems and give advice to oh, say, surrender, feel it, move on, let go, let God, be thankful for the teacher and the lesson, etc. But when I have to move through the torment and confusion in my own experience, I feel like a drama queen.
Bottom line is no one is going to do it for me. I have to face this once and for all. Put on my big girl panties and move throughout this exceptionally frightening and stagnant situation.
But I'm scared.
So much for the broad with the angel avatar.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by alphaomega
How do you handle anger in sobriety ?
Sometimes I also try to look at a situation as if it were happening to a friend. I think about how I would advise the friend to solve the problem. The reason we are usually able to advise a friend and come up with possible solutions is because we have just enough emotional distance from the problem. It's not happening to us, so we can calmly think about solutions. So...I try to create that emotional distance, separate from the feeling, so that I can either find a way to solve the problem or just let it pass, whichever is warranted.
I guess that's sort of what Bjorn is saying too. Exhausting the anger can also create that distance from it you need.
Also, being human, sometimes how I deal with anger is...I let it get the best of me. Then I end of creating a secondary problem in addition to the primary problem I had. A little smack talking and table flipping can feel great at the moment, but I strongly advise against this strategy.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Getting to where I want to be
Posts: 502
Originally Posted by Bjorn
From September 16th 2003 to September 13th 2007 I couldn't cry. I'm not the kind of guy who thinks crying is a sign of weakness, I completely recognize that it's an important part of a healthy human psyche. A lot of bad things happened in my life and a part of me just shut down. As a result all of my negative emotions just transferred into anger.
I learned a lot about what it means to get "Stuck" in your emotions. I mean you feel it, then you obsess about it, and the negative energy of it grows and grows inside you.
Other people might plant the seed in you, but ultimately you're the one who's watering the plant and fertilizing it.
I think the first step is to restore reason, and to do that you have to exhaust the angry emotions.
For me the answer was exercise.
I bought a cheap heavy bag and hung it up, and then hit the weight room. In the winters I would strap my gear sled over my shoulder load it with firewood and run in the deep snow Rocky IV style.
When you physically exhaust the body, it's pretty much impossible to get angry. I mean seriously... Work yourself to the point of physical exhaustion... And just TRY to get angry.
With anger exhausted, you can now apply reason to your situation and with clarity, you'll be able to see answers to your situation that the anger and frustration previously clouded.
That and transforming yourself into a Brick Outhouse, helps with the self confidence.
That's at least what worked for me.
I learned a lot about what it means to get "Stuck" in your emotions. I mean you feel it, then you obsess about it, and the negative energy of it grows and grows inside you.
Other people might plant the seed in you, but ultimately you're the one who's watering the plant and fertilizing it.
I think the first step is to restore reason, and to do that you have to exhaust the angry emotions.
For me the answer was exercise.
I bought a cheap heavy bag and hung it up, and then hit the weight room. In the winters I would strap my gear sled over my shoulder load it with firewood and run in the deep snow Rocky IV style.
When you physically exhaust the body, it's pretty much impossible to get angry. I mean seriously... Work yourself to the point of physical exhaustion... And just TRY to get angry.
With anger exhausted, you can now apply reason to your situation and with clarity, you'll be able to see answers to your situation that the anger and frustration previously clouded.
That and transforming yourself into a Brick Outhouse, helps with the self confidence.
That's at least what worked for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
LPNI
Sometimes, as alcoholics, we sit and stew and think and dwell.
Get OUT of your own head.
Chop wood, run, lift weights, swim, punch the **** out of a punching bag.
Sometimes it helps to get all that aggression out physically, and then, you can deal and cope mentally much better.
Sometimes, as alcoholics, we sit and stew and think and dwell.
Get OUT of your own head.
Chop wood, run, lift weights, swim, punch the **** out of a punching bag.
Sometimes it helps to get all that aggression out physically, and then, you can deal and cope mentally much better.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by alphaomega
Deck - ah yes. That beautiful prayer. I almost forgot it. I did spend some time reflecting. It was cathartic. Thank you.
Endgame
We often feel angry or enraged when we fear we're losing something valuable, or that we won't get what we want. We'd rather feel angry than afraid. Your rage solidifies your connection with this person, but leaves out the better parts of who you are, something he seems to also be doing very well.
This is entirely true. I am afraid. Terrified in fact. This man is the IT guy for my small business and he hold the key, quite literally, to whether or not my computer system functions. I have been under his control for the better part of 20 years because I don't have the time or interest to get a new system and software. He's been systematically raping me financially for decades. And it's my fear of the unknown that allows it to continue.
John44 - wow did your post hit home. Fear of losing something - my livelihood. I have often thought he dials in and places viruses so that I will have to call him and get a new pc, etc. The last pc install, connected to my network, cost 2500.00. Just the instal portion !!! And he knows full well if I don't pay him, I'm f-ed. So my only option is to replace all my software and most hardware which will force me to take out a loan. It's so messed up.
Strange isn't it ? I can apply all of these beautiful suggestions so easily to others problems and give advice to oh, say, surrender, feel it, move on, let go, let God, be thankful for the teacher and the lesson, etc. But when I have to move through the torment and confusion in my own experience, I feel like a drama queen.
Bottom line is no one is going to do it for me. I have to face this once and for all. Put on my big girl panties and move throughout this exceptionally frightening and stagnant situation.
But I'm scared.
So much for the broad with the angel avatar.
Endgame
We often feel angry or enraged when we fear we're losing something valuable, or that we won't get what we want. We'd rather feel angry than afraid. Your rage solidifies your connection with this person, but leaves out the better parts of who you are, something he seems to also be doing very well.
This is entirely true. I am afraid. Terrified in fact. This man is the IT guy for my small business and he hold the key, quite literally, to whether or not my computer system functions. I have been under his control for the better part of 20 years because I don't have the time or interest to get a new system and software. He's been systematically raping me financially for decades. And it's my fear of the unknown that allows it to continue.
John44 - wow did your post hit home. Fear of losing something - my livelihood. I have often thought he dials in and places viruses so that I will have to call him and get a new pc, etc. The last pc install, connected to my network, cost 2500.00. Just the instal portion !!! And he knows full well if I don't pay him, I'm f-ed. So my only option is to replace all my software and most hardware which will force me to take out a loan. It's so messed up.
Strange isn't it ? I can apply all of these beautiful suggestions so easily to others problems and give advice to oh, say, surrender, feel it, move on, let go, let God, be thankful for the teacher and the lesson, etc. But when I have to move through the torment and confusion in my own experience, I feel like a drama queen.
Bottom line is no one is going to do it for me. I have to face this once and for all. Put on my big girl panties and move throughout this exceptionally frightening and stagnant situation.
But I'm scared.
So much for the broad with the angel avatar.
You can't swing a dead cat without hitting someone with IT qualifications these days.
IT and Graphic Designer are just about the two most easily replaceable positions in the corporate world today.
I would find someone, interview on the down low... Be straight up that you are dissatisfied with your current IT person and that ALL your security will need to be changed. Call a Lawyer (You should start with one of those free legal services just to get the procedural advice) and you'll be able to find the legal routes you need to take to insure that he doesn't leave without giving the new guy the passwords.
Do it all on the QT... And then surprise him when you, the new guy and whatever legal entity walk into his office at 9am on a monday.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Bjorn - the software was custom. 20 years ago. He wrote it. I do own it but its Unix based. Yes, I said UNIX. I would love nothing more than to tell him to pound sand, after years of being under his control (he knew am employee of mine was starting up his own competitor business and helped him set up his computer system all while quietly going about charging me lawyer rates). This guy is the scum of the earth. Bows to the almighty dollar. Has zero ethics and charges me by the hour (virus updates for 4 computers cost me, wait for it 2000.00. I don't know how to get out from under him, without him. As I'm sure conversion will be nothing short of a full on nightmare.
The thought of having to spend insane hours makes me shudder.
But the thought of doing this any further is no longer an option.
The wheels have been put n motion.
The question is how I will handle it...
The thought of having to spend insane hours makes me shudder.
But the thought of doing this any further is no longer an option.
The wheels have been put n motion.
The question is how I will handle it...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 414
Originally Posted by Bjorn
Speaking as someone who's been in advertising and business consulting for 14+ years, if you own the company and you own the software and hardware, it's your show, it's your call.
You can't swing a dead cat without hitting someone with IT qualifications these days.
IT and Graphic Designer are just about the two most easily replaceable positions in the corporate world today.
I would find someone, interview on the down low... Be straight up that you are dissatisfied with your current IT person and that ALL your security will need to be changed. Call a Lawyer (You should start with one of those free legal services just to get the procedural advice) and you'll be able to find the legal routes you need to take to insure that he doesn't leave without giving the new guy the passwords.
Do it all on the QT... And then surprise him when you, the new guy and whatever legal entity walk into his office at 9am on a monday.
You can't swing a dead cat without hitting someone with IT qualifications these days.
IT and Graphic Designer are just about the two most easily replaceable positions in the corporate world today.
I would find someone, interview on the down low... Be straight up that you are dissatisfied with your current IT person and that ALL your security will need to be changed. Call a Lawyer (You should start with one of those free legal services just to get the procedural advice) and you'll be able to find the legal routes you need to take to insure that he doesn't leave without giving the new guy the passwords.
Do it all on the QT... And then surprise him when you, the new guy and whatever legal entity walk into his office at 9am on a monday.
Stop making excuses about why you can't, and fire this joker.
The above posters that mentioned the Serenity Prayer... Yeah, this is one of those things you will need courage to change.
Git 'er done!
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