on day two after about 14 years
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Austin
Posts: 4
on day two after about 14 years
Its been a long road with the drink. In fact, I found a career out of it which provides me a healthy income and some prestige socially. Yet, I hit rock bottom the other night. Usually, I wake up and study, then off to work for a grueling 10 hour day. Yet, right around closing my body is telling me its time for that bottle of wine. No matter what, over the last six or so years that has been my routine.
I have no DUI's but I also know that I will not visit friends downtown on a Sunday afternoon because I know that I will not be able to drive home later that night. So I stay home and collect wine bottles. Sometimes on a day off its two bottles that have been consumed! The trash has not been taken out, no grocery shopping or workout, just drinking wine, ordering pizza, and studying.
My co-workers and those I teach in the industry think I am a genius. A rising star in the field that devotes his life to reaching the highest plateau in his field. Yet, I am anxious and alone. To top that off, I feel run-down and completely unhealthy. I thought of myself as a good-looking guy in my youth, never without a date or some relationship forming, but I have not dated anyone for about two years now.
My financial situation has suffered as well. I make a good living but I am always late on the rent or I do not have money for a new car or better apartment. Yet, I will have time for a $80 bottle of wine. Why not, its research and I deserve it, or so I think.
So here I am. Alone. I called into to work today ( I have never done that in the 4.5 years of working there), I have a manager asking me why I missed a meeting with a wine rep the other day, and I am slacking on my studies. This is all due to a binge of drinking I did on Monday night. Two bottles of wine, mixed in with some beer and shots, and ending around 5am downtown to sleep on a girls couch.
Getting home I felt like death and did not move from my bed all day and night. The same goes for today and the withdrawal symptoms have not ceased. I don't believe its medical attention worthy, but it is hell. So I know I have to cut down ( ALOT!!) if not stop completely. Yet, In my field stopping would not make sense. So I know that professional drinking/spitting is the only way for me to handle this.
I have heard of people weaning off the demons. Please let me know of any success or failure from attempting to do this. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.
In a dark room, with hard choices, and confused
I have no DUI's but I also know that I will not visit friends downtown on a Sunday afternoon because I know that I will not be able to drive home later that night. So I stay home and collect wine bottles. Sometimes on a day off its two bottles that have been consumed! The trash has not been taken out, no grocery shopping or workout, just drinking wine, ordering pizza, and studying.
My co-workers and those I teach in the industry think I am a genius. A rising star in the field that devotes his life to reaching the highest plateau in his field. Yet, I am anxious and alone. To top that off, I feel run-down and completely unhealthy. I thought of myself as a good-looking guy in my youth, never without a date or some relationship forming, but I have not dated anyone for about two years now.
My financial situation has suffered as well. I make a good living but I am always late on the rent or I do not have money for a new car or better apartment. Yet, I will have time for a $80 bottle of wine. Why not, its research and I deserve it, or so I think.
So here I am. Alone. I called into to work today ( I have never done that in the 4.5 years of working there), I have a manager asking me why I missed a meeting with a wine rep the other day, and I am slacking on my studies. This is all due to a binge of drinking I did on Monday night. Two bottles of wine, mixed in with some beer and shots, and ending around 5am downtown to sleep on a girls couch.
Getting home I felt like death and did not move from my bed all day and night. The same goes for today and the withdrawal symptoms have not ceased. I don't believe its medical attention worthy, but it is hell. So I know I have to cut down ( ALOT!!) if not stop completely. Yet, In my field stopping would not make sense. So I know that professional drinking/spitting is the only way for me to handle this.
I have heard of people weaning off the demons. Please let me know of any success or failure from attempting to do this. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.
In a dark room, with hard choices, and confused
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: SoCal
Posts: 222
I keep trying to "ween"/use normally and I mostly fail. I have a job where where being tardy or not showing up (or coming in drunk for that matter) can get you in serious trouble. You cant just call in sick, and THAT somewhat keeps me on my toes...to some small extent.
Waking up with an atrocious hangover and realizing that its a workday and that you must somehow get yourself there and function throughout the day, is an AWFUL feeling and its absolutely exhausting. Its no way to live really.
Waking up with an atrocious hangover and realizing that its a workday and that you must somehow get yourself there and function throughout the day, is an AWFUL feeling and its absolutely exhausting. Its no way to live really.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Winebusiness80 
So here I am. Alone. I called into to work today ( I have never done that in the 4.5 years of working there), I have a manager asking me why I missed a meeting with a wine rep the other day, and I am slacking on my studies. This is all due to a binge of drinking I did on Monday night. Two bottles of wine, mixed in with some beer and shots, and ending around 5am downtown to sleep on a girls couch.
Getting home I felt like death and did not move from my bed all day and night. The same goes for today and the withdrawal symptoms have not ceased. I don't believe its medical attention worthy, but it is hell. So I know I have to cut down ( ALOT!!) if not stop completely. Yet, In my field stopping would not make sense. So I know that professional drinking/spitting is the only way for me to handle this.
I have heard of people weaning off the demons. Please let me know of any success or failure from attempting to do this. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.
In a dark room, with hard choices, and confused
Getting home I felt like death and did not move from my bed all day and night. The same goes for today and the withdrawal symptoms have not ceased. I don't believe its medical attention worthy, but it is hell. So I know I have to cut down ( ALOT!!) if not stop completely. Yet, In my field stopping would not make sense. So I know that professional drinking/spitting is the only way for me to handle this.
I have heard of people weaning off the demons. Please let me know of any success or failure from attempting to do this. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.
In a dark room, with hard choices, and confused
Hello and welcome. I'm pretty new too. From what you eluded to above I suspect that you(much like myself) still have a choice to have our jobs....but it is catching up with you (your boss noticing *issues*) and someday you may find you no longer have a job so why risk a life of sobriety for a life of alcoholism that may steal away all you love anyways?
What do you mean by "yet in my field stopping would not make sense" ? Are you required to drink to DO your job or is it just the norm that you would drink being in the industry?
Just curious
Welcome and all the best in making your decisions.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Winebusiness - welcome 
I'm assuming we're not in the same business but I used to be a professional musician - drinking was not only encouraged, it was often expected.
For years, I clung to the hope I would 'sort myself out'...but I kept drinking....getting worse and worse
I lost my career.
looking back I wish now I'd have been prepared to take my problem seriously far sooner.
I think dealing with it earlier - even if it would have meant leaving my career under my own steam, by my own choice - would have been preferable to my very public humiliating crash and burn.
D
I'm assuming we're not in the same business but I used to be a professional musician - drinking was not only encouraged, it was often expected.
For years, I clung to the hope I would 'sort myself out'...but I kept drinking....getting worse and worse
I lost my career.
looking back I wish now I'd have been prepared to take my problem seriously far sooner.
I think dealing with it earlier - even if it would have meant leaving my career under my own steam, by my own choice - would have been preferable to my very public humiliating crash and burn.
D
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
The thing is, it rarely ever gets better, and almost always gets worse. And then you wake up one day wondering why you're broke, homeless and unemployable.
If you can moderate or confine your drinking to wine tastings, then you're a better man than I.
If you can moderate or confine your drinking to wine tastings, then you're a better man than I.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Austin
Posts: 4
Im not afraid of getting fired. I had to take a couple of days off work to get my mind wrapped around the challenges ahead and to feel some sense of normalcy without the drink.
So today is day three and I woke up feeling pretty good. Slight fog in my head and I am trying to hydrate a ton to get rid of that. Looking around my place there is a ton of projects that I can do, but it would require me to go to the store.
I have not gone to a store on a day off in 14 years without picking up a bottle of wine. Also, if I went to the store now and picked up a bottle of wine, it would be finished by 7pm tonight, and I would be back buying another one. So I am just going to relax again today and do so small projects around the house that do not require me to leave. Its crazy this isolation we have to put ourselves in.
How stupid is it that I feel great today! At least 100xs better than the last 48 hours, and something in my brain is actually saying " come one, one bottle of wine won't hurt over dinner and a movie"?
Should be an interesting road to travel down to say the least. I just want to know, when does the temptation leave?
So today is day three and I woke up feeling pretty good. Slight fog in my head and I am trying to hydrate a ton to get rid of that. Looking around my place there is a ton of projects that I can do, but it would require me to go to the store.
I have not gone to a store on a day off in 14 years without picking up a bottle of wine. Also, if I went to the store now and picked up a bottle of wine, it would be finished by 7pm tonight, and I would be back buying another one. So I am just going to relax again today and do so small projects around the house that do not require me to leave. Its crazy this isolation we have to put ourselves in.
How stupid is it that I feel great today! At least 100xs better than the last 48 hours, and something in my brain is actually saying " come one, one bottle of wine won't hurt over dinner and a movie"?
Should be an interesting road to travel down to say the least. I just want to know, when does the temptation leave?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
Gradually weaning off never worked for me. It's the holy grail of alcoholics. They'll chase it for decades - literally decades.
The longer I've been sober the less the temptation. I've found that I treasure all the stuff that comes with a sober life that I don't want to throw that stuff away for another drink.
I treasure waking up refreshed.
I treasure going to my job and being able to contribute 100% - not the 50% I would contribute when I was dragged out from drinking the night before.
I treasure remembering sporting events, movies and TV shows instead of only remembering bits and pieces because I was buzzed.
So - I want the good things that come with the sober life more than I want a quick buzz.
The longer I've been sober the less the temptation. I've found that I treasure all the stuff that comes with a sober life that I don't want to throw that stuff away for another drink.
I treasure waking up refreshed.
I treasure going to my job and being able to contribute 100% - not the 50% I would contribute when I was dragged out from drinking the night before.
I treasure remembering sporting events, movies and TV shows instead of only remembering bits and pieces because I was buzzed.
So - I want the good things that come with the sober life more than I want a quick buzz.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I have reached a place in my life where I am seriously concerned about the brain damage I have already incurred as a result of "wine habit" and binge drinking. I don't even want to dull my senses anymore...let alone vacate them completely, which I did way too many times to even want to think about. I wish I could go back in time and stop my younger self with what I now realize. But I can't...so I gotta salvage the rest of the life I have left.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 891
Binge, followed by hangover and missed work, anxiety, fear and rumination and depression. Start to feel better after a full nights sleep and some food, go back to work and get away with it one more time ("do they suspect?"). Give it a couple of days, back to my old self, cocky and confident stop at the Liquor shop...Binge (start again)......spin the barrel.
Yep, know that routine. It catches up. Pull the plug on it. You don't need to drink.
Yep, know that routine. It catches up. Pull the plug on it. You don't need to drink.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Getting to where I want to be
Posts: 502
For me there's no such thing as weaning or tapering or cutting down. It's either stop or go. Why waste all the hours of suffering you've done just on the chance that a few now would make you more comfortable. And what happens in a couple hours when they wear off and you actually feel worse than you do now?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
