MeFree

Went to my regular Wednesday night meeting, actually my favorite one of the week , and this guy I have never seen before was there. We had a newcomer, young guy, so we did a first step meeting. When we got around to this guy I had never seen before but claims to be an old timer, he tells the new guy that if he is here to meet a woman, he better move along because he sure doesn't want any of "us women in aa" because that just "ain't a pond you want to fish in" EXCUSE ME!!! Sitting at a table with my female friends, we all looked at each other and raised our eyebrows. Somehow the men are classy and appropriate mates but not the women? I know, he is a bitter sick old soul, but it really got me hot! In my three years in the rooms, I have never had an experience like that. Is this common?

fantail

That is inappropriate in at least three different ways and reflects only on the speaker. It's clearly not normal. But pretty funny! (ETA: funny because he's a nutter... not because he's right, clearly)

Dave H

Yea, that would be hard to take (I'm not a female, but if I were, that would be hard to take). But, as a guy, I would have asked him if he thought his friend was any better! If so, why is he here like the rest of us?

I have heard some stupid things in meetings at times. But, I try to "keep my side of the street clean", and let "the stupid people be stupid". We are not going to change them. So, as hard as it may be, let the stupid stuff go. Just "Let go, Let God"!

Hang in there.

Eddiebuckle

No doubt this gentleman has "normal" women lined up on his doorstep just hoping to be blessed by his presence. One moron in three years of meetings? I'd say you're doing better than average, actually.

Joe Nerv

Hmmm... there was a woman in my area named Darca (who recently passed away) who used to say something similar. She'd say you'd have to be nuts looking for a companion in AA. Why would you fish in polluted waters? Her delivery made it funny. Though I wasn't there and couldn't say for certain, I'm gonna guess this guy was doing the same and trying to make a joke that just didn't go over well. I have to guess it was directed at young newcomers in general, as in, "If you're here to hook up, it ain't the place". The fact that he was specific regarding gender I'm guessing made it hit the wrong way. Some people are just way off in their delivery. Others are good at getting laughs. I wouldn't hold it against the guy until you at least get to know a little more about him.

Threshold

Mefree,

I think he was talking about gals like me...lol. But yeah, speaking that way outloud and in those terms, does seem out of line. I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion. He might well feel that women shouldn't be seeking partners in meetings too.

Another possibility is he was warning off someone who might be coming to the meetings particularly as a dating option. Unfortunately there are people who do that , and some of them with ill intentions thinking they can take advantage of people who are in a fragile place in life. Is it possible he was warning the newcomer off from trying that inappropriate behavior?

There are unfortunately, professional 13th steppers.

caboblanco

Funny. I heard the same kind of comment except the other way around( a woman talking down to the men) a few times. I was like wait, aren't you here for the same reason as them? What makes you so much better? I remember when this happened the guys just agreed and laughed it off. This is the attitude of you're right, i am a horrible guy that I didn't agree with. I remember at one meeting there was a good looking girl that attended. I must of looked at her once for a second and that was enough for this girl to make an issue of me trying to flirt or date her. I had no intention to but she thought, Im so good looking this guy must be trying to get with me and how dare him! well I stopped going to those meetings...not worth the bs.

2granddaughters

What did your sponsor and the oldtimers in your group think about this when you told them?

Dave H has the answer as far as I'm concerned.

Getting in a huff over a perceived faux pas leads many of us to make a bad decision/judgment ... usually one where I shoot myself in the foot.

All the best.

Bob R

Michael66

I wonder if he thinks that he's the catch of the day

It's sad though - that someone who has been through alcohol problems themselves can't better see the dignity, value and humanity of those others who have also been through the wringer. I often think a blessing of alcohol problems is that it softens our hearts towards others. Perhaps, though, he just likes being a Grinch.

heath480

I have heard all sorts in meetings,nothing surprises me now.

The thing that would concern me about that scenario,is how it affected the newcomer?I hope it didn't put him off and that he comes back.