Letting go of relationship
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 9
Letting go of relationship
Hello all. =)
I am here because I feel I need some support.
I'm sure a lot of you have been in my shoes... I really don't have many people to go to because I haven't/won't share my experiences with many.
I had a boyfriend for 3+ years. I still remember when I first met him... I was head over heels. I was on cloud 9.
Somehow, over time things got pretty intolerable (for me). My boyfriends parents divorced, he's a 33 year old adult... But I guess it still affects you regardless of your age. His grandmother who he was extremely close to recently passed away. And plenty of other family drama (lawsuits) etc happened while we were together.
Long story short - My exboyfriend is OK with responsibility but I feel he's very very immature. He has a steady government job and doesn't drink during the weekday. The weekend is another story. He starts Friday night, gets drunk. Wakes up Saturday morning around 6:30-7 a.m. and cracks open a can of beer and the cycle continues until Sunday afternoon. He basically binge drinks all weekend, to the point where he blacks out and doesn't remember where he left his debit/credit card.
This behavior is not OK with me. I do not like to waste my weekends away either babysitting or wasting it away by following him from bar to bar with his binge drinking buddies. Or worse being treated as a taxi since I'm sober.
I guess I'm angry.
Its hard because I was with the person I loved, admired, respected and enjoyed spending time with 5 days a week but the weekends were another story.
Anyway, I'm not sure what I need. I'm not sure if its support, or if I need to cry it out, or let the anger out.
I miss him but I also lost a lot of admiration towards him.
I wish things were easier.
I am here because I feel I need some support.
I'm sure a lot of you have been in my shoes... I really don't have many people to go to because I haven't/won't share my experiences with many.
I had a boyfriend for 3+ years. I still remember when I first met him... I was head over heels. I was on cloud 9.
Somehow, over time things got pretty intolerable (for me). My boyfriends parents divorced, he's a 33 year old adult... But I guess it still affects you regardless of your age. His grandmother who he was extremely close to recently passed away. And plenty of other family drama (lawsuits) etc happened while we were together.
Long story short - My exboyfriend is OK with responsibility but I feel he's very very immature. He has a steady government job and doesn't drink during the weekday. The weekend is another story. He starts Friday night, gets drunk. Wakes up Saturday morning around 6:30-7 a.m. and cracks open a can of beer and the cycle continues until Sunday afternoon. He basically binge drinks all weekend, to the point where he blacks out and doesn't remember where he left his debit/credit card.
This behavior is not OK with me. I do not like to waste my weekends away either babysitting or wasting it away by following him from bar to bar with his binge drinking buddies. Or worse being treated as a taxi since I'm sober.
I guess I'm angry.
Its hard because I was with the person I loved, admired, respected and enjoyed spending time with 5 days a week but the weekends were another story.
Anyway, I'm not sure what I need. I'm not sure if its support, or if I need to cry it out, or let the anger out.
I miss him but I also lost a lot of admiration towards him.
I wish things were easier.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Hi there, and welcome to SR! 
Here is a specific forum for friends & family of alcoholics Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I know you say this relationship has ended, but there's lot of great support and help in this forum for people who've been affected by the addiction of someone close to them.
Here is a specific forum for friends & family of alcoholics Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I know you say this relationship has ended, but there's lot of great support and help in this forum for people who've been affected by the addiction of someone close to them.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 21
If it helps, I left my fiancee over drink just over a month ago. I quit drinking, she didn't. I realised outside of drink we had precious little in common. I got tired of waiting for her to sober up from Friday nights or to come back from drinking with her mates. It wears you down.
The last month has been tough - very - because I didn't propose for no reason, but when things die inside, it is hard to bring them back to life. I now feel I made the right choice though... bloody hard though it was.
The last month has been tough - very - because I didn't propose for no reason, but when things die inside, it is hard to bring them back to life. I now feel I made the right choice though... bloody hard though it was.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 9
I'm sure I made the correct decision. I also understand that I'm going through many emotions. I feel sad, upset, and confused... But thank you Tim. I know I'm not alone but its easy to come up with excuses for him but then I stop myself mid-thought - Its not OK to feel bitter when you look back at your relationship. Again, thank you for sharing your story.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I can understand your hurt. Alcohol has taken away the man that you loved. Not that it makes the pain any easier, but staying wouldn't have changed anything except make your life more miserable. You can't love a drunk sober.
That's on us.
That's on us.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 21
You're welcome.
Its been very hard. I was made unexpectedly homeless when I said "I don't think I love you as much as I should". I was going to bed late Sunday when she asked if something was wrong. I didnt want to hurt her, so tried to avoid the question, but she was persistent.
Monday morning I left with the clothes on my back, having endured a night of verbal abuse. At lunchtime I had to buy clothes out of a charity shop. I had no clue where I was staying that night (it was almost my car). Its been hard. I am currently in a bedsit. But I know I made the right decision. I can rebuild my life now and I have options.
I just tell myself that it was wrong to live a lie. I dont lie and I was not about to start with the person I was engaged to.
Its been very hard. I was made unexpectedly homeless when I said "I don't think I love you as much as I should". I was going to bed late Sunday when she asked if something was wrong. I didnt want to hurt her, so tried to avoid the question, but she was persistent.
Monday morning I left with the clothes on my back, having endured a night of verbal abuse. At lunchtime I had to buy clothes out of a charity shop. I had no clue where I was staying that night (it was almost my car). Its been hard. I am currently in a bedsit. But I know I made the right decision. I can rebuild my life now and I have options.
I just tell myself that it was wrong to live a lie. I dont lie and I was not about to start with the person I was engaged to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 9
DogGoneCarl: You hit a bulls-eye - I had trouble coming up with words to describe how I feel - I am upset, I'm upset alcohol had a significant part with my decision. I cannot love a drunk sober. Thank you for your words.
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