behindblueyes

Please tell me someone else has been in this situation? Two months sober?

Medics just left because after two months my boss has been so mean with the putdowns every day all day I couldnt take anymore. She calls me stupid, makes fun of me in front of patients but today was the kicker. My child got sick at school. Throwing up sick. We are allowed no phones ever. I went in the bathroom and just happened to "catch a text" from my ex saying she was throwing up in 90 degree heat all over the playground. I did what any mom would do.

I told my boss I got a text my daughter was sick.

She screamed at me. I mean screamed, no phones allowed ever in the office, this is a woman who texts, calls all day long. I could've should've walked out/

I saved it for my "drinking" night. Later.

She chewed me out so so so bad.

I didnt get a chance to talk to my child or make sure she was ok, this is just an example of what I go thru all day every day.

5PM arrives I make sure everything is ok I start to de-stress.

I start to tell myself that I deserve all this for all I have been thru.

My boss calls me all night placing appointments. I start drinking. I am off the day after I am ok. I do not need to take calls. I do not need to go into the office.

BAM 8am hits, I have had over 10 seizures and over 200 panic attacks in the past. This was ALL different. I took all seizure meds as scheduled. It was numbness and paralysis in both arms. Entirely. I went dumb even drunk. I called my neighbor out. I am so humiliated. Medics stared at me, cops stared at me. I was still sober. What could it be???? alcohol related? any thoughts at all? not a normal panic attack. Ive had over 200. I know stop drinking. Im looking at other jobs. I am so humiliated. Help?????


And yes Im back at day 1 over this, the humiliation is too much, I cant stand it. I have always had low self esteem. The chief of police showed up. How do you explain that?

behindblueyes

I tried to edit this but it would not let me. Sorry. No responses after 1 hr gets frustrating. Especially when you see posts go by you that are of funny/humerus things. Ugh. Been in the chat room over and over everyone ignores me. Thanks. Spent New Years Eve in the Chat Room, Ill never do that again.

FeenixxRising

Sorry for this Blue Eyes. I just read your post. I have no experience with seizures or panic attacks. I have relapsed before though, and I know that any short term gain is far outweighed by the long term pain that drinking causes. Imagne how much better you would feel today if you had not taken a drink.

If what you say about your boss is true, then she is way out of line. If I were you I would:

1) stop drinking, now. You did two months, so you can do it again.

2) see a doctor about the seizures, ASAP

3) pull your boss aside and calmly but firmly tell her that her actions are inappropraite. Look her in the eye and tell her you expect her to treat you with respect. Do not raise your voice, do not drone on and on. Keep your cook, say your piece and end the conversation right away.

4) If that doesn't work you should either start looking for a new job, or contact your boss's superior. Actually, I would do both. Document in detail the date, time and nature of her bad behavior. That way you have details to share with her boss (assuming her superior will listen).

Hang tough. Sober people have bad days, many of them actually, and they don't drink to deal with those bad days. You can do the same. Having a plan should help you stay focused on the important things.

jaybee1

Hi Blue Eyes. I don't have any experience with seizures etc. but I have some experience from bosses from hell, and I would suggest that you start looking for new employment if you haven't already.

Hang in there. you can do this!

MIRecovery

Anything that threatens your sobriety you have to get rid of. It appears that your job falls into that category. Nothing is ever an excuse to drink but I would seriously look for other employment

behindblueyes

"I went dumb even drunk" = I went numb even drunk, But yes there are times when she yells at me and I say to myself man if I only had a drink right now I would be able to cope. Or if only we were drunk she wouldn't be so mean to me. That shouldn't be a way of life right? Maybe it's me? But she's seriously driving me to feel so horrible about myself. She spurts out things like "I wish I were wasted right now". Patients bring in alcohol all the time. Doesn't help. Thanks all as always. I am ok now. I have not been drinking as much. Not as much time.

FeenixxRising

You're boss talks about wanting to be wasted, and patients bring in alcohol? Where do you work? It does not appear to be a very healthy environment, for anyone, whether a recovering alcoholic or a lifetime non-drinker.

Waterforme

Leaving my old stress filled job and "boss from hell" ranks just behind getting sober as the best decisions i've made in my recent life. I'm not sure I could have gotten (and stayed) sober in that type of toxic work environment. I'd suggest looking for new employment opportunities if at all possible.

gwenny

I used to be in a similar situation Blue, and I felt like such a caged animal that my only freedom was my lunch hour, so I would take a four-beer lunch just to "get through the day." Sometimes I wouldn't even come back to work. And then of course you have to pick up a few bottles of wine for the night.... It's no way to live. I left the job even though I had no safety net because I realized it was literally going to kill me. I hope you can make the changes you need to make to get yourself well.

Dee74

Hi BBE.

Sounds like drinking is no longer a viable option for you.
It stopped being one for me too.

I think there's some good advice here - time to look for another job - see your Dr - and find and use some recovery support.

Time to change the game plan, yeah?
D