jaybee1

Hi everyone,

I'm an almost daily beer drinker. I have on average 7 beers a day, with anywhere between 5 to 9 on a weekday, and I'll crush 10 or more on Friday or Saturday night. I usually take a day or two off per week but that's more often due to hangovers than anything else.

Anyway, I'm frustrated with myself, and my lack of will power. I successfully quit smoking cold turkey five years ago, and I surprised myself with how much will power I had.

I made a New Years resolution on Jan 1 2013 to drastically cut down on drinking. I went 15 days without a drop which was the longest stretch I've gone in over 10 years. I felt better I was more productive, and spent more quality time with my wife, and two young daughters...

I feel lost now. I can"t get a plan together. I can't get motivated even though I want to better myself.

doggonecarl

Perhaps it isn't about lack of will power as much as you are just powerless over alcohol. That's what addiction does. It makes itself stronger than our will to quit.

You should read the AA Big Book, see if any of it resonates with you.

GroundhogDay

I can't say a lot without bringing religion into it, but I will say that the addicted part of you resents, and ultimately rebels against, the dominance of your will. You need the support of others, whether AA, this forum, or others who know about your desire to quit drinking.

If you are religious, I would suggest praying to God to help you resist temptation. Uncontrolled alcohol consumption is an open invitation to everything evil that can affect you and your life.

Joe Nerv

Interesting question to ask, on this forum anyhow. You will be getting very varied anwers as the opinions here vary on this subject as much as night and day.

I was in the same place as you regarding willpower and drinking. I had none, so much so that I eventually wound up with a rope (extension cord actually) around my neck. It wasn't until I surrendered to the idea of quitting, that I was able to. I learned about doing that through going to AA, and incorporating the 12 steps into my life. Been working perfectly for almost 29 years.

mfanch

For me, it was my neurochemistry. It is not about my "will power". (free will is a myth IMO) Until I addressed what was going on in my brain, I could quit all I want, but I can't leave it alone for long. I'm too irritable and discontent without it.

I finally did something about rebuilding healthy pathways in my brain, and the ability to leave alcohol and drugs alone just came. There are many ways to do this (AVRT, CBT, AA, SMART). These are all about rewiring the brain. That has been my experience.

Zencat

I like he philosophical position of compatibilism much better than free will. So for me its not just pulling my self up by will alone. As noted by mfanch, addiction is in my brain. Neurochimical and structural brain changes caused by my addiction set-up a kinda of deterministic subconscious drives that need to be undone. That brings me to empowerment as a way out of drinking lifestyle.

Knowing what to do and putting that to practice is empowering, it rewires my brain in a healthy direction. I like AVRT, CBT, DBT, sober friends, SR and other healthy activities that keep me inline.

Rather than a lack of will power, see it more as a possible need to expand your awareness of recovery methods.

Dee74

hey jaybee

My will still wanted to drink.
It just wanted to drink dammit..and to learn to 'control it'.

I had to accept ultimately that that was just not possible for me....now or ever.

Once I accepted that things got a lot easier

D

instant

Its an addiction. Loss of control as the addiction progresses is part of the deal. It gets worse. I think of it as my originally wonky off switch became looser, and whatever knack I had to flick it off became hit and miss.

My first days sober felt like I had jumped out of a plane without a parachute. Thankfully despite what I was feeling I discovered I can fly.

I don't miss alcohol, and despite my predictions of life being eternally boring without it, life is great.

jaybee1

Thanks for the input everyone. I had planned on not drinking all day, but I had an aggravating afternoon at work, so I just threw it all out the window, and drank 10 beers.

Ughh. Quitting smoking was easier because of the negative stigma around smoking. I was encouraged by everyone to quit. With quitting drinking I fear the opposite. That alcoholism is seen in a negative light. I'm not ready to admit to people that I have a problem I guess.

roljoh

hmmm...i think the first step is to admit to yourself if you have a problem:-) hope it Works out for you:-)

jaybee1

I've admitted to myself that I have a problem. I'm just struggling with "accepting" it I guess...

doggonecarl

Admitting to people you have a problem with alcohol isn't a prerequisite to sobriety. Quitting drinking is.

And you have more power than you take advantage of. When days are tough and drives you to drink you don't have to surrender to the urge. You need something in place to keep you from picking up, an activity, a diversion, logging on to SR. Something. A plan.

choublak

It's not so much about will power, as it is about having the skills and knowledge to deal with aggravating situations. Fortunately these skills can be learned, and the forums are a good source for that.

jaybee1

Admittedly I have very little capacity to deal with stress. It's something that I need to work on if I'm gonna kick this thing...

Michael66

Hi JayBee

I think quite a few of us tried cutting back, and failed (repeatedly in my case).

I found it easier once I accepted that total abstinence was the only solution. Getting to accepting that abstinence was my only sensible option was actually much harder (and took longer) than subsequently quitting.

GPL

Jay,

I wish I only drank 7 to 10 beer a day. I have wanted to "cut back" my drinking for over a year. Until then I didn't think I actually had a problem, I just did problematic things when I drank... I had no will power and kept drinking. Even the first few times my dr said not to drink and the specialist said not to drink, I knew I would still drink. My last trip to my dr was May 29, 2013 and we was reading charts from the specialist (liver dr.) and said, "apparently he didn't scare you enough, since you are still drinking." To me, that meant that I was ok. Two weeks later I go on a long vacation and drank a bottle of booze and beer during the day and countless cocktails at night. By the time I returned, I turned my liver against me. It was that quick. Was told I could die soon if I kept drinking. The word, "DIE" was changed my will power.

Ialone

jaybee1,

You quit smoking and you talk about having no willpower? You have the will to do whatever you want. I think what you need is some motivation, something important to tell you to stop, whether it is health, money, family, friends. Find a strong reason to stop and use the incredible willpower and determination you have to win the fight. I know you can do it

Soberpotamus

Do you need to quit? How necessary is it to you? Is this just another bad habit to break, or do you find yourself going down a path that, in retrospect, is looking somewhat grim?

You're going to have plenty more aggravating moments at work (and in life). Can you see yourself making the choice to do something instead of drinking? Because you'll have to if you're going to quit. And you need to know why you're quitting.

Boleo

Welcome to the ISM part of alcohol-ISM. If not-drinkin could make the obsession go away permanently, I would have gotten sober about 5 years earlier.

Unfortunately, I lost all of my willpower when it came to drinking. Bad news is, I never did get it back. Good news is, I found a Higher Power that manages the ISM for me. I still ain't got no power. I simply tap into an alternate power source.