ElegantlyWasted

A few day ago my GF said she would join me and not drink indefinitely. She drank last night with her son for Mother's day. Should I call her out on It? I'm on day 20 right now and soooo stressed with everything else going on. I'm thinking just let it slide and focus on what I need to do. She periodically comes home from meeting clients (she's a professional matchmaker) wasted and tells me she could have any of her clients if she wanted. I'm in between jobs right now and have been hitting up my parents to help pay my half of the bills. She also goes out the casino to play poker, gets smashed and calls me for a ride. I think I may have made a bad decision getting involved in this relationship (she's also (10 year older than I am and most of her clients are also at least 10 years older). I think I know what I need to do. Writing stuff out helps me think and feel less overwhelmed. Ultimately its about not indulging in needless self pity and taking positive well thought out constructive action. Why is it that so many addicts end up in relationships together... Anyways; thanks for indulging my ramblings. Had to let some stuff out.

blueplanet

I am not one who should give relationship advice. I would only say that you have to decide how much this is bothering you. It sounds like you take the high road a lot.

DainBramaged

Hey Elegantly.. Sounds like we had similar days yesterday.. I went for the talk.. the next day..

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-trashed.html

ElegantlyWasted

I know I posted on your thread too. Small world

exauhsted

You have 1,408 post and to be honest, I have not read them so I don't know anything other than this one and I will say that you have to decide what you want to do for you.

I totally get the get the writing it out helps ..it is the same for me.

If you choose to stay and enable her to do the things she does then you are only hurting yourself and her at the same time.

I think that when we get ourselves in a hard spot that we have to decide if we are going to help the world.. or ourselves.

In the long run we can't help the world, we can only help one at a time and it starts with ourselves. After that then you can help someone else...I don't know, I ramble on but that's just my 2 cents.

May not mean much to the world but it is what it is...I can only say what I feel.

I make bad decisions daily so then I just realize them for what they are and try to turn them around. Turn them around for the better. It happens!

incitingsilence

Focusing on you, is all you have any control over. Is there any reason to call her out, she knows what she said, she just isn’t done … I am not sure if she needs to be (does she?), because I don’t know your whole story, but your recovery is on you, don’t allow her to be any excuse, or distraction. Cause it could easily be one or the other.

I do suspect you know what you need to do for you. I know first hand how hard it is to live with someone actively using. I hadn’t used in a long, long time, but in time it slowly wore on me. All that focus on him, the resentment built and the committee started chatting away, you know all those lies…hell I bit so knowing better. I became the perfect hypocrite. Worst was he got clean, and was a few weeks in, and in some ways I think I felt I could breath….and then he relapsed ( which was so on him ) and I didn’t stop I stayed on my ride for a long time, oh still wanting him to stop using. Remember to make sure you are looking in your own mirror It gets very convoluted if you don't.

Take good care of yourself.

flutter

Of course you know what you need to do.. and of course that's not easy. Hugs to you!!

Mountainmanbob

neferkamichael

ElegantlyWasted, 20 days sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Call her out on what? I would let it go and focus on my sobriety. And of course I hope your relationship goes well. Rootin for ya.

BabyJane

Don't bother calling her on it unless you think she will actually listen to you and respond with some kind of action. The only person you can really help here is yourself and if I were you I'd be asking myself if this relationship is one that will encourage your sobriety and lead to long-term happiness. Is it a healthy relationship? Are you staying with her because you feel like you don't have other options or because you truly love this woman and trust her? Does she treat you like an equal, give you deserved respect and communicate effectively? Are you HAPPY with the situation? If not.... Maybe something to think about. Maybe best for you to move on. Good luck I hope things turn out for the best.