I'm 3 weeks sober today. My wife got trashed.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: SoCal
Posts: 77
I'm 3 weeks sober today. My wife got trashed.
Well.. not quite sure how to take today. Me and the kids made cards for Mom yesterday. I went out and bought her some nice outfits to show our appreciation for her. Me and my Father in law cooked dinner for my wife and Mother in law. Sounds like a great Mother's day right?
3 weeks ago, I decided to quit drinking. Nothing triggered my decision, just a choice to save my life and be a better Father and husband.
Although I was a much heavier drinker than my wife, we both made the decision to be clean together. She asked for a drink the other night at dinner with our family. I reminded her of the commitment we made to each other.
Today at our folks house I noticed her a little "off balance". I asked her if she had been drinking. She said no, then later fessed up. We came home and she started arguing with me stating that she didn't have as big as a problem I had and started to become belligerent. I knew right then she had had too much. I told her I was not mad. I came in to brush my teeth and she was passed out sideways on the bed. While I had stepped away for less than an hour, she obviously had a stash and told the booze "screw you it's Mothers day".
Disappointing. I'm still proud I didn't give in today and am excited that I reached the 3 week mark. Disappointed in my wife's lack of support, sneaking and not following through. Happy Mother's day huh?
3 weeks ago, I decided to quit drinking. Nothing triggered my decision, just a choice to save my life and be a better Father and husband.
Although I was a much heavier drinker than my wife, we both made the decision to be clean together. She asked for a drink the other night at dinner with our family. I reminded her of the commitment we made to each other.
Today at our folks house I noticed her a little "off balance". I asked her if she had been drinking. She said no, then later fessed up. We came home and she started arguing with me stating that she didn't have as big as a problem I had and started to become belligerent. I knew right then she had had too much. I told her I was not mad. I came in to brush my teeth and she was passed out sideways on the bed. While I had stepped away for less than an hour, she obviously had a stash and told the booze "screw you it's Mothers day".
Disappointing. I'm still proud I didn't give in today and am excited that I reached the 3 week mark. Disappointed in my wife's lack of support, sneaking and not following through. Happy Mother's day huh?
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Hi DainBramaged
Don't be too hard on her - it was your decision to quit when you did, and so you were the main owner of that decision. I don't think we can necessarily expect others to always fit into our decisions on when to drink and not to drink. If she were the one that made the decision to quit then it could well be the same scenario would have played out, but the other way round. We each need to make those decisions in our own time in order to properly own them.
Don't be too hard on her - it was your decision to quit when you did, and so you were the main owner of that decision. I don't think we can necessarily expect others to always fit into our decisions on when to drink and not to drink. If she were the one that made the decision to quit then it could well be the same scenario would have played out, but the other way round. We each need to make those decisions in our own time in order to properly own them.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: SoCal
Posts: 77
Michael66 and Maples.. I agree. I already have it in my head this morning to forgive and forget. I know she is going to feel terrible this morning. People make mistakes and she came along this sober train with me based on my decision. I think the more clear my head becomes the more I realize other peoples drinking problems. I'm not being self righteous but I see things different now. She is a good wife and made a mistake. God teaches us to forgive with all of our heart. I think its ok to hope it doesn't become a constant thing. Hard to see that in the past when I haven't been sober myself. 
Thanks for your input..
Thanks for your input..
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Just because we are ready doesn't mean everyone else is... I need to remind myself of this at times. I think you handled it well & good job staying sober! Hopefully she will come around to join you soon
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Quitting alcohol is a personal decision. I can only do what is best for me. Your wife may come to the decision that she no longer wants to drink on her own. Quitting for someone else can cause resentment. Just know that you are doing the right thing for yourself. Keep walking in the right direction. It is well worth it.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Has to be a tough situation. I'm single and live alone so I'm lucky to just have to deal w myself which is hard enough at times! But the positive is that you are sober which gives you the clarity to get through any situation.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Mass
Posts: 189
Just concentrate on yourself. Set an example. Perhaps she will follow when she is ready. You can't make people stop if they don't want to.. My almost 3 years fighting this taught me so. Only you can stop yourself.
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
I'm in a very similar situation with 20 days dry so far. Mine didn't get totally sloshed, but was noticeably tipsy after coming home from Mother's Day dinner with her son. She had committed to not drinking a couple of day ago after getting sloshed 3 times last week and popping ambien. I think we just focus on ourselves as best we can. This stuff can be crazy.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
What is important is that you made it through the holiday sober and that you don't have any regrets. Not only do you have 3 weeks sober but you also were able to do something nice for your wife and not have to promise her a "next mother's day will be different". It is a shame that the night ended with her sneaking alcohol, but hopefully she will come around and have a moment of clarity and decide that moderation is not the answer.
It is really hard to remember that the person has to decide on their own to quit when we finally get clean and realize how much better life could have been all along. Unfortunately, we all know that it doesn't matter how many people tell you how great sobriety is, it just doesn't sink in until you have had enough.
It is really hard to remember that the person has to decide on their own to quit when we finally get clean and realize how much better life could have been all along. Unfortunately, we all know that it doesn't matter how many people tell you how great sobriety is, it just doesn't sink in until you have had enough.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Originally Posted by Maylie 
What is important is that you made it through the holiday sober and that you don't have any regrets. Not only do you have 3 weeks sober but you also were able to do something nice for your wife and not have to promise her a "next mother's day will be different". It is a shame that the night ended with her sneaking alcohol, but hopefully she will come around and have a moment of clarity and decide that moderation is not the answer.
It is really hard to remember that the person has to decide on their own to quit when we finally get clean and realize how much better life could have been all along. Unfortunately, we all know that it doesn't matter how many people tell you how great sobriety is, it just doesn't sink in until you have had enough.
It is really hard to remember that the person has to decide on their own to quit when we finally get clean and realize how much better life could have been all along. Unfortunately, we all know that it doesn't matter how many people tell you how great sobriety is, it just doesn't sink in until you have had enough.
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