crisco

I really wanted to go this party tonight to see some close friends. However, I chickened out because there was serving alcohol and people would be drinking a lot of booze.

In the past, people drinking booze did not really bother me a lot and I had no problem with remaining sober at the event. However, after going through almost nine months of rehab straight through, I was bombarded with the message that alcoholics should avoid places where alcohol is being served in large amounts.

After hearing that message over and over again, I began to become real timid around events where alcohol was served unless it was family event or people went out for a bite to eat and ordered a drink or two. I usually avoided all social events where alcohol was being served unless it was a family event or I went out with friends for a bite to eat.

I beginning to think that I am coward for not to being around places that serve alcohol. I want to be part of the party scene, but it s hard for me to defy the advice of past sponsors and drug/alcrohol counselors because I feel that my program is out of step for not following good advice. I also do not want to be overwhelmed by temptation to drink booze just because my friends can enjoy it and I cannot. Usually, social drinking is not been in factor in prior relapases, but I think the constant barrage of being rehab for such a long time has changed the way how I react to social drinking.

1newcreation

Hey Crisco,
U asked an often asked question in recovery & that's why the big bk was written. If you're not spiritually fit, you're gonna pick up again no matter how much u resolve not to. Two, if u don't have any business being there, then why go & set u're self up for failure if u value u're sobriety? These are the questions asked coz its not about u having a boring life or whatever. That's what I thot too but I've never laughed as hard as I have nor been told by grown men on regular basis that they LOVE me. At 1st walls went up coz wasn't used to this but these guys put their $ where their mouth is. Rides to mtgs, store, probation etc all w/o asking anything in return
Hope u make right choice

bigsombrero

I have been in your shoes. I thought to myself: "why not just go to the bar, drink a club soda and see what happens?" I can tell you what happens because I actually have done it before. There are two possible outcomes:

1) You will get bored after 30 minutes hanging out with drunks, have a rotten time, leave the bar early, and spend the rest of the night pondering why you went in the first place.
2) You will be tempted by alcohol and possibly drink a beer, tell yourself it's a social thing, and then fall into the pit of abuse.

Both results are pretty lame. You are not a coward for avoiding social events. When I first got sober I did not go to my friends wedding, and I also skipped a "fantasy football" draft with my old college buddies. While I did feel a bit sheepish upon declining the invites, I'm glad I did in the long run. You can do whatever you'd like, but you're certainly not a coward, and I can assure you life will go on if you miss those types of events moving forward.

Stang

For me personally I don't mind going to a restaurant that serves liquor or a wedding reception....no problem. I avoid alcohol fueled events because I don't want to be around drunk people...they get on my damned nerves!
Do you really want to be around all that? Aren't there other things you can do to have a good time?

hypochondriac

Just be honest with yourself crisco and I am sure you'll be fine. I have spent quite a bit of time around alcohol since getting sober with various responses. The outcome now is that I am not wary of it most of the time but I am often bored by it. In the early days of being sober I went to quite a few parities and was determined not to drink. I was wary and on guard and the smell made me feel a bit ill. I only had a few times where I was okay with it before I just started being really bored with people drinking. But I was pleased that at a recent social event I wasn't and had a great time, but that was because I was at a genuine social occasion with people I hadn't seen for a long time and it was actually fun, even if a few people were drunk. The only thing that concerns me about your post is that you say you want to be part of the party scene. That is something I have avoided myself as I know a couple of recovering alcoholics who hang around big drinkers a lot and I didn't want to be like that. I can understand it to an extent, I am still attracted to social groups of drinkers, as that's what I have always done, but I do try to avoid it a bit now because I am trying to find a new way to live rather than live my old life sober. I know that sometimes when I have hung out with people I drank with that I started resenting my sober status, even if it was a few days later and that doesn't happen if I avoid it. Better safe than sorry.

fantail

I think it depends on the person and also on the event. I don't seek out events where the main purpose is getting drunk, and I also make choices based on my mood. If I'm feeling social, the event sounds fun, and I like the people who are going, the presence of alcohol isn't an issue for me. If I'm feeling introverted or the event sounds like people standing around getting drunk, then I either don't go or stop by for a quick hello and head out.

I think of it as having made a deal with myself. I used to make all my decisions based on alcohol. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to decide what I want to do and when I want to do it, whether or not there is booze around. If I want that freedom, I need to take the responsibility and not let the presence of alcohol alter my decision not to drink. The more I practice this, the more I come to really love the freedom and the less tempting it becomes to mess with it.

doggonecarl

I'm just speculating, but I imagine it was the "party scene" that led to your troubles.

I think when you are strong in your recovery you can be around alcohol. That's different from wanting to live your old "party" life. Maybe it's time for a change, a new scene.

Good luck.

RaiseAnchor

I wouldn't look at it as chickening out. You avoided something that could have turned south and permitted regret.

I did most of my drinking home alone, but I found that there were quite a few establishments that I would eat/drink at that I needed to stop going to. Not only was this better for my health, but also my wallet.

Fortunately, we have a few restaurants around here that were actually a lot healthier who don't even have a liquor license. I found myself going to those when I really wanted to go out and eat.

Sally1009

I was told to avoid 'wet' places in early recovery also, as the smell of alcohol can be a powerful trigger. And there are many other triggers too. The problem is that when you're around people who are drinking, you are out-numbered, Which can mean it's very hard to keep repeating no, when people are trying to persuade you.
Also, if they are drunk, they are not going to be acting in your best interests because they are not at their most responsible themselves. They may be supportive to you when they are sober, but alcohol prevents clear thinking. Dangerous company, I think. I know I did stay away from pubs in the early days, and wouldn't have booze in my house. With time however I feel more confident, so I do go to pubs for Sunday Roasts with my sons quite often. I feel safe because I know they are not going to get drunk, and I also feel quite comfortable in saying to them that I need to leave, should I ever feel like that.
So I would say stay away for the time being, and review further down the line when your recovery is a bit more solid.
Good luck.

DainBramaged

The places that tempt me are only on days that end in "Y".

Fallow

I started out avoiding places I associated with drinks. Certain restaurants and of course bars. I also stayed away from a couple of heavy drinking friends at first.

I went to a drinking party out of town with a bunch of people I did not know at around 3 months sober. I showed my face there because my wife and in laws were going. I stuck around and said hello, met a few people then I left early and went to bed before they started really getting trashed. They were all hung over the next day...

Other than that when I hung out with some of those old friends again and they drank it made me sick. I did not like seeing in them how I once felt. Bad behavior and arguing and sloppiness. It 's interesting because at first I could not tell they were drunk but then my buddy forgot what we were talking about in mid-sentence.

The other night I hung out with a sober friend who's wife is probably an alcoholic. We went to go pick her up from the bar. All her friends had already went home. She seemed upset when I told her that I still don't drink. Then she kept ordering one more round and picking a fight with her husband. He finally took me home and went back to get her at last call.

Seeing drunks while being sober has been a game changer for me. I have no desire at all to be like that ever again. So I do not feel a need to avoid drinking establishments or my drunkard friends anymore. It is only natural though that since drinking is no longer a part of my lifestyle I have no reason to be a part of that scene anymore. And I am very grateful for that!