Tetra

Am I a bad sister?

My brother has just told us that he is quitting his job and moving to the US with his girlfriend. She has gotten a job over there but the company my brother works for could only offer him a place in one particular area, miles away from the place where his girlfriend will be located so he decided to quit altogether. Also, he has to be over there by the end of April or the government will take his green card off him. This has been a shock for me...I don't know why.

I have been all over the place...I am going to miss them a lot. Also, this is very hard for me to admit...I am very jealous. They are living their lives, and I am stuck here with my parents...until I finish up in college anyway. To travel and work abroad...that is my dream...but I feel like I am trapped. I want a life of my own...but I am stuck...and my mother is driving me up the walls with her drama queen behaviour...and her sly little remarks about how nice it is to have me around the house. I am 32 years of age but I feel like a teenager. I know I have to move out and regain my independence, and I had planned to, when I finish my exams next month, but tonight I am so full of rage...I had to get it off my chest...

My parents have some wine downstairs, and I was so tempted to open a bottle...but I have talked myself in off the ledge...

Sudz No More

I'm glad you talked yourself out of it, you will hurt no one but you. Instead, why not ponder the positives? You finish in a month. Spend the next few weeks thinking of all the great places you could work and live. Google other countries that you think you would like and investigate whether a move there would be good for you or not. How about even looking for work in another part of Ireland that you haven't spent much time in?

Have a great night's sleep and enjoy tomorrow.

doggonecarl

Your day will come soon enough so stay strong, stay sober. And no, you aren't a bad sister. You are just human.

Johno1967

I used to rage and drink whenever I never got my way. I was bitter and full of resentment.
Now I just say "Accept the things I cannot change" and take a moment to remember the serenity prayer. It may be a cliche, but I do trust that things will turn out alright no matter how things look. I may not be able to change things but I try to choose how to respond/react to them. I realize that drinking will not make things better and may in fact make things a lot worse.
Be happy for your Brother and his Girlfriend. They embark on a new adventure. Your time will come. You have a right to be sad but to be self destructive would hurt everyone.
''Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" Dr. Suess.

deeker

Do you have a program? AA? NA?

Just curious. If you are I would say refer to step 3. Turn it over. You also are powerless over what your brother is doing. You are letting it steal your peace and that just may drive you back to a drink. That is why I work a 12 step program. It helps me accept things I have absolutely no control over.

Unfortunately my son will probably be gettin on with his life before me and I am 51. He is a college graduate , 22 and very driven.
I am a recovering alcoholic and working a minimun wage job.

Is that his fault. Nope! If he moves to another country, why should I stop him. He is a grown man. If i am startin my life over and am not as far along in life or living my life yet like he is, it is only consequences to my own choices, my alcoholism and my drug addiction.

All I can do is stay sober and do the best i can today. If I decide I want to follow him to another country one day when I have my feet on the ground then that is what I will do. But I am not gonna hold him back or make him feel guilty for making his own choices.

bigsombrero

I know what you mean. You are feeling left behind, spinning your wheels and stuck. I found it interesting you said "I'm 32 and I live with my parents" -- okay, let's step back a minute. While that may be true, you are much more than that.

You are taking a stand against a very challenging addiction. You are a fighter. You're studying and working to get your life back on track. You are taking control of your drinking habits and getting an education.

You can start feeling better about your situation when you address it in that manner. Stop thinking of yourself as a loser. Good things are more likely to happen when you are feeling good about yourself.

fantail

You're not a bad sister! You'll miss him. As for the jealousy, you would probably feel less jealous if you had your own plan for how to realize your dream of working abroad. Have you started thinking about how to do it?