Who I don't want to be!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Who I don't want to be!
"...The process of discovering who I really am begins with knowing who I really don't want to be ."
Sometimes I still behave in ways that I later regret. I say things to someone else that I wish I hadn’t or I behave in ways I wish never happened...
I can at times still be reactive and it is usually with none other than my hubby. I find the hardest place to work my program is in my own household...
A perfect example of this would be yesterday and the day before. I lost my cool, my composure and said things I regret and now have to add to my amends list...
What could I have done differently?....
What amends might I need to make?..
What is really going on underneath my behavior?...
Is it fear?...
What character defect emerged in this situation?...
Was it self righteousness, intolerance?...
What was my part in what happened?...Did I act hastily. What was my motive?
I need to ask myself these questions in my recovery. I need to talk to others to gain insight to see my irrational thinking.
I have realized that I do not have a good answer to most of my problems.
Sometimes I can completely forget what was working for me or the principles of the program simply slip my mind when I am going through a rough time..
It doesn't matter how much I read yesterday or how well I worked my program yesterday, Yesterdays recovery doesn't guarantee todays. I am an alcoholic and my illness centers in my mind. I always need to check my thinking....
I am gonna make mistakes. I am gonna lose my cool and I am gonna regret somethings I have said...
I will run into these situations, I am human and I am an alcoholic/addict selfish to the core , it is good to be aware of these uncomfortable feelings...
It is good to recognize what times of peace are like and what times of lack of peace are like. I call it my spiritual guage. Usually when I do not have peace it is because of my expectations and self will...
This is why talking to others has helped me in my recovery, AA meetings, here, my sponsor..
I am an alcoholic and I can justify just about anything in my mind, even anger...
However when I share it with my sponsor I am able to see it from a different perspective, from some one else's view.. ..
If I am willing to share it with my sponsor or someone else in recovery I have a good chance of not allowing the anger to cause more damage ....
Other times, I find new solutions to old problems.
Today I have to be open to growing in my recovery?
Am I willing to get unstuck or is it more important to be angry and think I am right...
For me, I don't like staying in that place for long. It may feel good to be mean for a little while but eventually I realize that I traded my peace for something quite trivial, and now there are some real consequences that I was unwilling to face...
God,
Life is sometimes hard and I am not sure how to handle it. I screw up and I make mistakes. I am so grateful that you have put people(angels) in my life to help me sort through these difficulties....
God, help me to have an open mind and open ears to listen for words of wisdom that may help me along this road to recovery.Bless me with the humility to admit my mistakes and learn from them. Please help me to be sensitive to that spiritual guage which always tells me when I am not living in your will.Amen...
Sometimes I still behave in ways that I later regret. I say things to someone else that I wish I hadn’t or I behave in ways I wish never happened...
I can at times still be reactive and it is usually with none other than my hubby. I find the hardest place to work my program is in my own household...
A perfect example of this would be yesterday and the day before. I lost my cool, my composure and said things I regret and now have to add to my amends list...
What could I have done differently?....
What amends might I need to make?..
What is really going on underneath my behavior?...
Is it fear?...
What character defect emerged in this situation?...
Was it self righteousness, intolerance?...
What was my part in what happened?...Did I act hastily. What was my motive?
I need to ask myself these questions in my recovery. I need to talk to others to gain insight to see my irrational thinking.
I have realized that I do not have a good answer to most of my problems.
Sometimes I can completely forget what was working for me or the principles of the program simply slip my mind when I am going through a rough time..
It doesn't matter how much I read yesterday or how well I worked my program yesterday, Yesterdays recovery doesn't guarantee todays. I am an alcoholic and my illness centers in my mind. I always need to check my thinking....
I am gonna make mistakes. I am gonna lose my cool and I am gonna regret somethings I have said...
I will run into these situations, I am human and I am an alcoholic/addict selfish to the core , it is good to be aware of these uncomfortable feelings...
It is good to recognize what times of peace are like and what times of lack of peace are like. I call it my spiritual guage. Usually when I do not have peace it is because of my expectations and self will...
This is why talking to others has helped me in my recovery, AA meetings, here, my sponsor..
I am an alcoholic and I can justify just about anything in my mind, even anger...
However when I share it with my sponsor I am able to see it from a different perspective, from some one else's view.. ..
If I am willing to share it with my sponsor or someone else in recovery I have a good chance of not allowing the anger to cause more damage ....
Other times, I find new solutions to old problems.
Today I have to be open to growing in my recovery?
Am I willing to get unstuck or is it more important to be angry and think I am right...
For me, I don't like staying in that place for long. It may feel good to be mean for a little while but eventually I realize that I traded my peace for something quite trivial, and now there are some real consequences that I was unwilling to face...
God,
Life is sometimes hard and I am not sure how to handle it. I screw up and I make mistakes. I am so grateful that you have put people(angels) in my life to help me sort through these difficulties....
God, help me to have an open mind and open ears to listen for words of wisdom that may help me along this road to recovery.Bless me with the humility to admit my mistakes and learn from them. Please help me to be sensitive to that spiritual guage which always tells me when I am not living in your will.Amen...
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