chrissp

Reading the friends and family forum is incredibly depressing. There is an insatiable hopelessness to it.

I want our relationship to work. We started dating at my first bought sober in 2011. I was sober or moderating, until several binges after we moved in together turned me from an honest faithful partner into a lying, manipulative monster (although, for the record, I have NEVER been unfaithful).

Before I even started reading that forum, when I went to crisis, and medical detox, and came out in the open, I asked her to do alanon, I asked her to read the soberrecovery forum (even though I wasn't even aware of the friends and family forum) I asked her to not trust me, I asked her to question me, I asked her to push me, because I didn't want to lose her. And that's no manipulative exaggeration, I love her. I think she is another reason I'm very much of the RR/AVRT thought. I'm not taking it day by day. No. That means risking losing her and some stuff that doesn't matter nearly as much. I am done. Forever.

trent333

It can be depressing. I would say your on the right track asking your partner to be more inquisitive about your motives, actions, and thoughts. I know when my past partners gave me a long enough rope well Id usually trip and hang myself with it. How long have you been sober?

chrissp

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-attempt.html

Five days.

trent333

Good for you man. I was only six days last week had a slip and am starting over again. I found that by the fifth day I was starting to lose clear thoughts. Its good you have support with the girlfriend.

chrissp

Thanks man. We are definitely working on it.

robgt350

Chrissp, hay Bro it gets easier as time goes but the thought might be there for a long time. i am 15 weeks +3 days, i dont get cravings any more but at times i love a cold one. last week i went riding dirt bikes and i always had 4 or 5 beers before a good ride. but other day i craved a drink but had soda and not beers. i think i will have these moment desired for a long time. but you are doing it, keep up the good work Bro!

trent333

Dirt biking sober can be fun enough. Good job on the 15 weeks I would love to make it that far.

LexieCat

FYI, it isn't her "job" to question you or "push" you. If you hope to have a healthy relationship someday, you each need to stand on your own two feet. Encouraging her to somehow make you accountable to her only encourages an unhealthy dynamic wherein she takes on responsibility for keeping you sober.

I've been married to two alcoholics, and I'm a recovered alcoholic, myself. Recovery is an inside job for both parties. IF she decides to trust you again, it will hopefully be because of your actions that show you are committed to change, not because she has successfully "managed" to keep you in line.

chrissp

Thanks Lexie. That's what we intend to try to do. Be happy with ourselves.

ScoutBall

I feel lucky as hell that I've not done anything to jeopardize my relationship. (Aside from boozing like an a&$hole).
But, I agree. Even now, in my weanling stages of getting help, I know it's gotta be an "inside job".
My partner, my wife, my best friend ( if she'll have me) has enough to worry about without me asking her to be my mom too.
I gotta do this. For me. Then I can get back to real life, and be a real husband and support, love, cherish, help, constructively criticize, and if I'm really lucky: make love to her.
I just wanna be me again. And me isn't a crazy day drinker who slows down when she gets home so it's not as obvious. But who am I kidding?
Trying to hide things is just like lying, I suppose. That crap has to stop.
Chrissp, I've been reading your threads cause you just landed here, like me. I wish you the best, and healing.

robgt350

it was very difficult for me. you can do it! just one day at a time or one hour at a time.