My first serious attempt.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 106
My first serious attempt.
I came out finally to my friends and social circle that I am an alcoholic. That is the first time I have ever done that in 3 years of trying to quit or moderate.
I am home now resting (un)comfortably in bed. Girlfriend is going to go pick up a BP monitor and Valerian to help me rest.
Guys I am sick. And this disease will kill you. I cannot ever have a drop again.
The worst part is, I'm not suicidal. I've never had a thought about killing myself in my life, yet here I was, passively doing it.
The good news is was because I did this all myself so far (choice wise, and did not approach it unwillingly or in denial), everyone was cheering me on. I felt like an Olympic medalist.
Now I have to keep up with the recovery and openness and honesty.
Basically my day went like this: crisis counselor on campus for triage for several hours starting at 2, then addiction/substance abuse counselor for an hour, then psychiatrist interview and vitals until about 5. My diastolic was still over 100 by the end of the counseling (nearly 2 days since my last drop, which is actually the most dangerous time for seizures, heart attacks, strokes, etc.). So the psychiatrist (who I have seen before) asked if I felt I should go to detox in an ambulance, as that would make her most comfortable. I said "**** yes".
I don't remember the last time I visited a GP, so I was terrified of finding out I had cancer or something, but I sucked it up and kept talking through stuff with the EMT (great guy, super professional). We got there, I got a room, got IVed (Holy fark, I forgot how long that tube is). Nurse thought it was hilarious I watched her needle me (then remove the tube), said it was very rare people watch. They immediately drew about 5 maybe? vials of blood and had me urinate. Then I got anti-nausea stuff. I was pretty ok from there.
Whoa. Watching an ER is better than ANY anti drug campaign ever. And this was a TUESDAY EVENING. I had the door left open and had a pretty open view. Watched a cop bring in a guy belligerent and trashed who was getting arrested for DUI, watching him get evaluated and released to custody. Saw another guy get belligerent and try to punch the EMT. Then a guy came through who was dope sick. Holy crap. Those screams of bone pain would make chills go up my spine.
After that, I laid in bed watching TV until I was asked by two student EMT interns (not sure exactly what they called themselves) and their instructor if I could be interviewed, I said sure. So they got all my info, took my pulse, BP, checked my heart, lungs, etc. And they got a personal history. I didn't know it, but this must have been kind of a final evaluation for them, since as they walked out everyone clapped.
Then the social worker came in with the good news, I was medically cleared for outpatient continuation of detox, and I had yet to do any permanent damage to myself physically. All my levels were fine, clean tox screen, etc. I have no idea what all the numbers mean but it's like two pages long. So I got to be released very late with a prescription for a librium taper and outpatient counseling.
There is a students recovery group on campus (sanctioned by the university) that I'm signing up for after detox is complete. AA meetings run every day on campus.
I am home now resting (un)comfortably in bed. Girlfriend is going to go pick up a BP monitor and Valerian to help me rest.
Guys I am sick. And this disease will kill you. I cannot ever have a drop again.
The worst part is, I'm not suicidal. I've never had a thought about killing myself in my life, yet here I was, passively doing it.
The good news is was because I did this all myself so far (choice wise, and did not approach it unwillingly or in denial), everyone was cheering me on. I felt like an Olympic medalist.
Now I have to keep up with the recovery and openness and honesty.
Basically my day went like this: crisis counselor on campus for triage for several hours starting at 2, then addiction/substance abuse counselor for an hour, then psychiatrist interview and vitals until about 5. My diastolic was still over 100 by the end of the counseling (nearly 2 days since my last drop, which is actually the most dangerous time for seizures, heart attacks, strokes, etc.). So the psychiatrist (who I have seen before) asked if I felt I should go to detox in an ambulance, as that would make her most comfortable. I said "**** yes".
I don't remember the last time I visited a GP, so I was terrified of finding out I had cancer or something, but I sucked it up and kept talking through stuff with the EMT (great guy, super professional). We got there, I got a room, got IVed (Holy fark, I forgot how long that tube is). Nurse thought it was hilarious I watched her needle me (then remove the tube), said it was very rare people watch. They immediately drew about 5 maybe? vials of blood and had me urinate. Then I got anti-nausea stuff. I was pretty ok from there.
Whoa. Watching an ER is better than ANY anti drug campaign ever. And this was a TUESDAY EVENING. I had the door left open and had a pretty open view. Watched a cop bring in a guy belligerent and trashed who was getting arrested for DUI, watching him get evaluated and released to custody. Saw another guy get belligerent and try to punch the EMT. Then a guy came through who was dope sick. Holy crap. Those screams of bone pain would make chills go up my spine.
After that, I laid in bed watching TV until I was asked by two student EMT interns (not sure exactly what they called themselves) and their instructor if I could be interviewed, I said sure. So they got all my info, took my pulse, BP, checked my heart, lungs, etc. And they got a personal history. I didn't know it, but this must have been kind of a final evaluation for them, since as they walked out everyone clapped.
Then the social worker came in with the good news, I was medically cleared for outpatient continuation of detox, and I had yet to do any permanent damage to myself physically. All my levels were fine, clean tox screen, etc. I have no idea what all the numbers mean but it's like two pages long. So I got to be released very late with a prescription for a librium taper and outpatient counseling.
There is a students recovery group on campus (sanctioned by the university) that I'm signing up for after detox is complete. AA meetings run every day on campus.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 20
Chrissp,
I too admitted my problem to my friends and family. I also told my employees and associates. Best thing I ever did was come clean. Too tired of hiding my problem for so much time. I wasted so much time managing staying drunk and keeping it from everyone. Now I don't have to wonder about who knows and doesn't know. I just assume everyone knows. Like you, I found so much support. I choose to talk openly about my recovery with anyone, but only if they inquire.
AA is part of my life and in 8 short months it has helped with a lot more than just drinking. Good luck in your recovery. You've made a really good start!
TimD
I too admitted my problem to my friends and family. I also told my employees and associates. Best thing I ever did was come clean. Too tired of hiding my problem for so much time. I wasted so much time managing staying drunk and keeping it from everyone. Now I don't have to wonder about who knows and doesn't know. I just assume everyone knows. Like you, I found so much support. I choose to talk openly about my recovery with anyone, but only if they inquire.
AA is part of my life and in 8 short months it has helped with a lot more than just drinking. Good luck in your recovery. You've made a really good start!
TimD
formerly IMHomerSimpson
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Connecticut,USA
Posts: 115
Sounds like a very interesting start, the best part was you were the audience, this time! If you allow a next time we may be reading someone else posting what they witnessed some person doing in the ER as they detoxed and it very well could be YOU! Keep at it, find a program and stick to it to the best of your ability, and then some. Good for you, you will be fine if you just follow that one rule, "Do not drink".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
Good for you ! Getting honest with yourself (and others) about the disease is critical to true recovery... Sounds like you have a great plan in place with all the AA meetings on campus...
Keep it up and NEVER forget why you decided to quit in the first place !
All the best.
Keep it up and NEVER forget why you decided to quit in the first place !
All the best.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
It was a real relief when I finally allowed myself to reach out for help. Glad you were able to do that and glad that all the tests came back OK. Sounds like you have some good recovery plans - way to go!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 106
Today is day 5, no cravings, nothing, first night of restful sleep last night. I'm doing tons of research and realizing this time was the last and that I was already very much RR/AVRT without even knowing what it was!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
You have nothing to be anxious about.
Go into work with your head held high because you have done amazing my friend.
You have been honest and truthful, open and motivated.
You have 7 days.
You did that.
Some people will never ever be able to say they have done 1 day, let alone do 7 days.
Now go get yourself 7 more with your head held high!
My best to you x
Go into work with your head held high because you have done amazing my friend.
You have been honest and truthful, open and motivated.
You have 7 days.
You did that.
Some people will never ever be able to say they have done 1 day, let alone do 7 days.
Now go get yourself 7 more with your head held high!
My best to you x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
That's gotta be one of the most enjoyable trips I ever heard of about going to the ER for detox. 
Almost wish I was there just for the reminder.
You have a really good attitude and it sounds like you are ready. Bless your heart!
Almost wish I was there just for the reminder.
You have a really good attitude and it sounds like you are ready. Bless your heart!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
But something did happen Chrissp...something wonderful happened...you stepped up to the plate and decided to make a change in your life. I'm inspired by your story and how you took the steps to take care of yourself. Keep up the great work!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 106
Today is day 12, my face looks completely different. I started piecing together my Ph.D. dissertation today. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Although I'll actually start my job before defending.
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