caboblanco

I've been single since my sobriety over 2 months ago. I like being single right now. I was wondering if this is it. Am I going to be single my whole life? Past relationships have given me so-called reasons to drink heavily when they didn't turn out well or if my girlfriend liked to party. I can't imagine being in a relationship. It would be too much for me. Most of the time they go sour and I'll end up in a vulnerable mental state. Were you dating someone when you got sober or how long did you wait until you dated again?

LadyinBC

Take your time. Look out for you first. Some people will tell you to be sober for a year before dating.

artsoul

I agree..... I think the more we work on ourselves and our recovery, the better our chances are of having a good relationship in the future. The first year is so important.... getting through all the holidays, learning you'll have good days and bad days, setting goals and following through, etc..... It just takes time to get that solid foundation under your belt.

Xenshe

I would encourage you to continue waiting, if you can. My first sponsor (amongst other old-timers) suggested I wait one year. Being young, I promptly ignored this bit of advice. I had a "relationship" with a guy when I was about three months sober. It didn't work out, of course - we were both learning how to feel, to know ourselves and to define our values. So, it was messy. By the grace of God I didn't drink over it. I met my future husband in AA when I was slightly more than one year sober. By that time, I had a better grip on who I was and what I really wanted in a relationship.

Whatever you do, stay true to yourself and nurture your own sobriety.

Good luck!

Quinne

I think Xenshe is on the money with this

I ended a relationship 2 months in; I was making myself literally sick for a couple of weeks over the decision, but the one question I had to ask myself was "is this helping or harming my sobriety?"

I truly believe this person would have benefited from both SLAA and NA. He hadn't picked up a drug for 3 years, but in roundabout terms, I "filled the void" (he actually said something very similar to this). Really not intending to come across as egocentric, but the relationship was so very codependent and he did the same for me too.

At about 7 months, I entered a relationship with another individual; this person teaches me a great deal about myself and it is nurturing, caring and we're entirely supportive of one another I never thought a person like this would cross my path and I'm so grateful for him Recovery is still #1, but my life is well-rounded today at 10 months

Xx

hypochondriac

I was single when I got sober and still am a year later. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with a drinker and I am in no hurry to meet anyone. The stuff you are talking about being in a vulnerable state is similar to my experience but I have come to realise now that that was mainly down to my state of mind than another person's actions. I stayed in abusive relationships because I thought that was what I deserved and let people manipulate my behaviour because I doubted myself too much. It has/is taking me time to learn to look after myself so it is good to wait before jumping into another bad relationship. No one can love you til you love yourself. Cheesy but true x

paul99

Very true - not cheesy at all.

The way I see it is that how can I bring something to a relationship when I don't even know who I am and what I can bring. I was married when I got sober, but still we had 6 months apart. I had to work on myself first and foremost, and believe me, I could NOT imagine me trying to get into a relationship in that time (if I were single, of course). Even when I was at six months, I thought I had it together. I didn't. I still had more work to do, and I am still a work in progress.

There's no rush.

dabrewsky

my sponsor told me this, no relationship for a year. change playmates change playgrounds, happily on my 30th month sober today...

Adillac

I'm 6months sober and know I am incapable of NOT being- jealous, insecure, having expectations, etc...So, I am ok with not being in a "relationship"...The physical part of that is driving me up a wall..but I suppose that's a diff topic. As was said, don't be too much in a hurry. Relationships for newly sober people almost never end well.