thislonelygirl

My ah detoxed at home and was doing good for a wk plus and then he drank(which he was genuinely upset about and admitted too) then not drank and then today I think he drank though im not sure but seemed like it(as he was saying some of the things he would say prior to detox)
At first he was optimistic about aa sobreity etc . Today and yesterday I guess you could say the addict was talking because he was getting pestimistic and saying no to aa
And talking about seeing a shrink instead for meds and then he slipped and said manage drinking rather than (not drink at all)
Im starting to realize how tough this is for him or going to be to get his head on straight.
As I said he was excited about sobreity and happy not drinking but said (he did have an itch) but his life was unmanageable with it. He was saying these things but he was also walking the talk and I could tell now within two days its a complete 180 or atleast it seems like so.


Is this common? What process did yall go through with early recovery etc?

Kimmers

He will have sobriety thoughts but the cravings could be overwhelming....IF he wants it he will work very hard to be sober.He is lucky to have you by his side.Hang in there!!!

theHomerSimpson

It is nice to see you still there for him, do your best not to be an enabler for him. Honestly does not sound like he is ready though. Good luck to both of you and everyone else involded in his life.

Patrick

2granddaughters

90 meetings in 90 days was very important for me in early recovery.

Then the following 90 days I did 89 meetings.

It takes us a while to get comfortable in our own skin... the only reason why I would want meds or booze was the pain I felt being me.

I went through a love/hate relationship with AA at first because I doubted it would work. When I surrendered my doubt and committed 100% then things began to really get better.

It's all in AA's HOW IT WORKS:
"If you have decided that you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked. We thought that we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely."

All the best to him.

Bob R

theHomerSimpson

I just noticed your username, hmmm??????????? ironic isnt it?

teardrop

yes it is very normal to feel like that in early sobriety, i get from anywhere like a week sober to 2 months sober, the thoughts fighting each other are unbelievable unless you have been through them its hard to understand fully

some times i get really good sobriety and know how bad alcohol is for me, then like a light switch i want a drink

its good you are there to stick by him thats a big help, and i would guess he wants it from what youve said, but the cravings etc are very hard to fight off sometimes

he needs to keep busy motivated (i am talking from my own experience) maybe others will give better advice

good luck dave

oakwood

I don't have any suggestions for you, unfortunately. I have read your posts on the F&F forum and want you to know I wish the very best for you.

1newcreation

Tell him he needs to surrender to win. Wanting help & needing help r 2 seperate things. I'm feeling my feelings now as my sponsor told me coz for so long I poured a drink over them every time I was pissed off, inconvinienced etc I can feel his pain & I want him out of that prison his mentality has locked him up in but he needs to make only 1 decision & only he can not any1 else...wish u guys the best

Eddiebuckle

What passes for "thinking" in early sobriety can be an emotional rollercoaster complicated by neurological withdrawal symtoms. I struggled for the first couple of weeks, fortunately I was in a rehab that was far enough from civilization to make changing my mind a bit harder than just saying "I can't do this" and hitting the road.

I am fortunate to have stuck it through the six weeks of rehab and somewhat reluctantly doing what they (and other posters in this thread) suggested thereafter: at least one AA meeting every day for the first 90 days. The whole process took me far from my comfort zone, but that is the point: my comfort zone was kiling me.

My hat is off to anyone who can quit on their own without outside help. I doubt I could have succeeded with AA alone, but that speaks to where I was in the road of addiction. I know many who never went to rehab and have what seems to be happy and productive lives free from the bondage of alcoholism and addiction. I cannot say I know a single person who "made it" without outside help in the form of AA, NA, and/or long term therapy with an addiction specialist.

Addiction is not something that affects your life, it consumes it until the host is dead. Conceding that this is a possibility in my experience is not enough to keep someone sober. It takes effort every day without reservations as to what you are: terminally ill, one drink away from the express lane to hell. Once the alcoholic absolutely gets this point, he/she has what it takes to get and stay sober. This doesn't mean you have to lose everything you value, live under a bridge or wake up in ICU, it just means you have to permanantly give up the self delusion that drinking is an option ever again.

What it takes to reach that point is up to him. I would strongly suggest you take him to an open meeting of AA at least once. That might help to break the ice, but from that point forward the work is up to him. I sincerely hope that he gets to the place surrender and acceptance safely and soon, but please know that there is nothing you can do to influence the outcome if he isn't willing to do the work.

Good luck.

freshstart57

Sure you can, Eddie, you can say it right now. You know of me, OK? And there is nothing special about me either.

This is how you do it.