Red79

TL, my heart truly goes out to you. I know how that must feel, but you are in my prayers.

Stay strong! You're on a journey! <3

Kimmers

Does it sound silly that maybe you were over tired? I need 9 hrs a night of rest but now that I am sober a week I feel so tired....and then EVERYTHING gets to me

TigerLili

To a degree. It's a bit like trying to explain alcoholism to someone who isn't an alcoholic. It's a good point and I will keep it in mind to discuss with my next sponsor.

TigerLili

I am pretty tired, but I think it's more stress related. I generally sleep very soundly and get a good 8-10 hours as my psychiatric medication puts me to sleep pretty quickly. I know I'm in trouble when I wake up frequently at night with anxiety because it's a sign my panic/anxiety/mania is escalating.

TigerLili

So I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is I no longer have a sponsor. She agreed to start on the steps and sent me a list of questions I needed to compose answers to for Step 1, including things like 'What kind of spiritual concepts do you think you need in order to complete this step." and "Why do you want to achieve this step and what do you hope to gain from it."

I was completely overwhelmed and have no capacity to form those answers other than 1. I have no idea and 2. I want to get sober.

I told her I felt it was too much and overwhelming and she said then we have to do the 8 week BB study first so I can learn to tolerate discomfort. Straw, meet camel.

I said thanks for being so willing to help but I don't think this will work for me.

The good news is that another friend asked her sponsor if she had capacity to take me through the Steps even if she can't sponsor me and her sponsor said yes, she would. She said her sponsor took her through them very quickly, exactly like it says in the book, and showed her how to work them in her life. I know her sponsor a bit from various meetings and I have always gotten a lot from her shares, so hopefully this will work out. They both seem to me to have good sobriety and be pretty grounded. She gave me her number and I will call her tomorrow.

I may look back on this and laugh at the melodrama, but I honestly feel like I am at Death's door, and it's open, the lights are on and the welcome mat is out. I can honestly say that I don't have the slightest inkling today to pick up a drink or a drug but I feel like my body and soul are parting company. Part of me is thinking "Is this my time? Am I going to have a heart attack for real, or an aneurism or a car accident or something?" I have actually had a couple of near misses that have given me a big fright, like today I crossed the road and a car came through a red light and I barely got out of the way in time.

I went to a meeting tonight and people were very nice but I keep getting people agreeing that I need to write the essays and answer the questionnaires. I wonder if that is a common rehab thing? It's not in the BB. I can see the value in it and maybe one day I will do the steps in that way, but I don't see how it will help me right now.

Everyone keeps saying the relief comes from doing the Steps, but the book doesn't say it comes from writing essays about the Steps. Maybe I'm just being unwilling and resisting? I have no fracking idea.

My plan is to go to bed shortly, read a bit, pray and listen to some music. I live on the ground floor and there are road works happening right out side my bedroom window but once I take my meds I'll probably sleep right through it!

wiggie

Hi There,

I know what you are going through, I have been there and it is the most distressing feeling of all. I have been sober now for 16 years and I would like to help you.

It is easy for me to say that you will get through it, I did. Don't loose hope and faith. God is standing right next to you, he wants you to let go and Let God. He is the only one who can help you, but you must let GO. YOU CAN'T DO IT ON YOUR OWN.

I have a Face Book Page which I have just started. It is called Alcohol Concern.
Drop me a private message on there right now and lets get you feeling better. You can do this, I know you can.

sugarbear1

Look around for Back to Basics meetings and ask if anyone near you understands Back to Basics for working those 12 steps!

TigerLili

Hi wiggie and welcome to SR. I'm actually not on facebook and I don't really PM. I enjoy so much the collective conversations we have here on the disussion threads. I look forward to learning more about you and your recovery.

TigerLili

Sugarbear - you have reminded me that we have Beginners meetings in my city, which I'm guessing would be similar to Back To Basics. (I wish someone would run one of those!). We also have Step meetings. I just checked my meetings book and there is a Women's Steps meeting tomorrow that I can get to after work. Thanks for the prompt!

nancylee

AA did NOT work for me. Try womenforsobriety.org, a totally different approach, one that I find more positive and forward looking, rather than backward looking. I went to AA for a year, and it depressed me, and frustrated me with everyone always talking about drinking. WFS is not like that at all.

Best,
Nancy

TigerLili

I had bad chest/back pains again today went to the dr. Within an hour, I was at the nearest hospital getting prepped for an angiogram. I should have the results in the morning.

Then I went to a meeting. I'm 19 days sober. I'm praying a lot. No matter what the results - good, bad or indifferent - I won't pick up a drink or a drug. I am doing this sober, no matter what. I will not go back to the way I was.

Dee74

I hope the results are good and you feel better soon TL.

D

seanie1888

I will pray for you also Tigerlili