TigerLili

I don't know what to do. I am going to meetings and I have a sponsor. She wants to spend 8 weeks going through the Big Book and then start on the Steps. I don't know if I will make it to the weekend, let along 8 week. I have been in and out of AA since 2008. I have been through the book with other sponsors and not made it past Step 4.

I have nothing left. I'm desperate. I am dying. I can't wait 8 weeks. Everyone says the relief comes when you do the Steps. I'm prepared to do anything. I'll quit my job, sell my house, go to rehab. Whatever. I'm done. I've got nothing left. I am hanging on by my fingernails. I call and text people and talk. I feel like I'm having a heart attack all the time. My shrink said to increase my anti-anxiety meds. It's not helping. I'll call her in the morning.

I don't know what else I can do. I am slipping away. I can't drink or take a drug to ease this pain. I am so close to my limit here. And yes, I am praying. I am praying constantly. It's not working. I don't have much left to hang on to.

heath480

Sorry you are struggling TigerLili.

Can you get to the Doctor?

Also call your sponsor and explain how bad you feel.

I wish you well.

Dee74

I'm glad you're seeing your Dr TL.

Tell your sponsor what you told us TL - either she'll explain to you why you need to spend 8 weeks on the BB - or you can find another sponsor.

D

tomsteve

i am sorry to hear yer havin a rough time. my sponsr has 29 years. that s a long time, but 16 days is an eternity.good job!!!! you've been prayin and thats good. i would suggest that if yer higher power isnt helpin, get one that will.if ya need one, use mine. he's got huge shoulders and has gotten me through a lot!
i also suggest to get around other sober people and cling to them.
HOPE! dont lose hope!!

Taking5

Try a new sponsor. When the early AA members did the steps they did it in days or weeks, not months.

LDT

I agree. 8 weeks sounds like an eternity to someone newly sober.

Twinco

I would strongly suggest that you see a physician who knows how to treat alcoholics. You most likely need some short term medication to help get over the rough patch. Just be sure that your doctor uses only low doses and very short term for any addictive medication. You may also need a long term antidepressant. A good physician can determine what will help younthe most.

aasharon90

Willingness, Openmindedness, Honesty.

A willingness to go to any lengths or
do whatever you can to stay sober or
clean, Just For Today. Nothing else.

Keep an Open Mind to suggestions
shared by other members who have
learned themselves on how to stay
sober or clean.

Be Honest with yourself and then with
others. Honest, by not hiding, cheating,
lieing, stealing. Be true and honest with
yourself because you are worth it to be
happy, joyous and free from addiction
one day at a time.

Relax, don't struggle, take ur time, be
postive, smile, an fake it if you have to
till what you are learning in recovery begins
to stick and make sense.

Be kind and gentle with urself and know ur
High Power as you understand Him, Her or
It won't give you anymore than you can
handle.

Listen, Learn , Absorb, Apply.

theHomerSimpson

What they said.^
I am going to AA and also seeing a therapist who is trained in addictions and the combo seems to best for me. As for 8 weeks on the BB before any step work, I strongly disagree, dropping a sponsor is NOT a horrible thing so politely tell them you will be changing sponsors, conflicting views and accepting them goes with the territory of being a sponsor. Good luck and stay strong. I am very early in sobriety also at 17 or 18 days today.

2granddaughters

I feel your distress. It takes me back to 1989 when I went into rehab.

I had a really hard time with Step 4 too because I had a really hard time with Step 3. (and Step2 and Step1)

What helped me a lot was when my sponsor told me that the program began to work for him when he "committed" to it .... not in & out ..... IN .

He said it was like a bacon & egg breakfast. The chicken was "involved" and the pig was "committed". I knew what he meant.. I had to surrender.

Step 3 and Step 4 was easier after that. I hadn't "done" Step 3 and Step 4 before, I had just beat around the bush.

It's all there in HOW IT WORKS. Go back and read HOW IT WORKS and study it... let it "sink in". Pray to God to know the truth.

You can do this. It usually gets really painful just before we surrender. I was like you, the meds didn't work. I couldn't get enough of them into me. Today I take no meds, there is no need.

All the best.

Bob R

2granddaughters

My doctor knows about treating alcoholics.. he is in AA.

All the best.

Bob R

melivinsober

I agree with tomsteve. I couldn't have made it this far without hope. It's so easy to think you can't do it. But you can. Just keep searching for the trick to help you. *hugs* For me, I've been researching all kinds of tips online. Dee (who commented) posted about Urge Surfing. Look it up. That helped me a TON!!! That and deep breathing. I also have anxiety. I've felt like I was going to break apart if I moved too fast. Meditation is key for me. Breathe deep, say "I can do this. I am worth it" and find your hope.

You can do this Tiger Lily!!!! I'm praying for you.

fantail

Tiger, you can absolutely do this. Even if it doesn't seem like it right now. I agree with the others that you should find a sponsor who's ready to move quickly with you.

Where is your pain coming from, and what kinds of things are you doing to attempt to cope? Maybe if we know more about your struggle others can suggest things that helped them.

whiskeyman

you can do it. Hang on real tight.

I know itss been said a million times, but if i can do it, you certainly can. OMG i was hopeless.

Maybe you should try rehab, it might help alot.
the steps do help, but you have to be of clear mind first.
the first time i worked my steps i wasnt ready to quit and i hated myself more, plus i didnt believe that my HP would bother helping

sunrise1

When I read your post, the first thing I saw was "weeks". No wonder you feel like you are on the edge! When I was newly sober, I was incapable of thinking beyond 30 minutes from where I stood. 8 weeks would be an inconceivable, chaotic thought.

Speak with your sponsor, today, right now as you read this. If he/she isn't available, call anyone from your AA group. Commit to stay sober for the next 5 minutes. Renew the commitment at the end of the 5 minutes, but really, don't think about that now.

I found that getting out of myself helped immensely in the early days. Leaving the house, even to run meaningless errands and busy work was helpful. This is not an effort to put a band-aid on your situation, but sometimes it helps to back away from the tree to glimpse the forest, and shifting your focus can help with that.

Continue praying... there are other good suggestions here... and keep posting. SR peeps will be here for you in any way we can.

TigerLili

Bless you all for responding. I went to bed after I posted and texted my sponsor that I wasn't coping. She called me and we talked for a while. I said praying wasn't helping. She asked me if I picked up a drink, or intended to pick up a drink and I said 'No'. She said, "Well maybe it IS helping. No one said you had to be sober and like it." which struck us both as hilarious and we spent 10 minutes laughing our heads off.

I told her that everyone says the relief comes when you work the Steps and I couldn't wait two months to start. She agreed and texted me some things to think about for Step 1. Previous sponsors haven't taken me past step 4. I had one sponsor that kept me on step 4 for nearly a year. I'm going to be more proactive and say I need to move more quickly. I can always do them again once I finish. It's not a one time only shot.

There's a lot of pressure to do whatever your sponsor tells you. I've heard it both here and in AA that if you question your sponsor, you are resisting the process and they know best. I now respectfully disagree with that. I'm glad I told my sponsor I wanted to move faster and she agreed.

I have a bunch of numbers and I've been calling people and will continue to do that.

I see a psychiatrist weekly because I have mental health problems, but I haven't talked much about drinking. I've been thinking about asking for a referral to a drug and alcohol specialist as well.

2granddaughters

Lili, have you discussed your mental health issues with your sponsor?

Remember, Dr. Bob (co-founder of AA) was an MD and his salvation was AA,

All the best.

Bob R

paul99

Glad to hear you spoke to your sponsor about this. It's your program, and the steps were meant to be done quicker than slower. As mentioned by the great responses here, check in with all your practitioners - make sure they are all on board, as are you to where you are on all fronts.

Relief and eventual freedom does come from the steps - but they need to be worked, not discussed, thought about, philosophized or looked over. Into Action.

I am glad you are talking - to your sponsor, to others in the program and even here.

All the best

Pamel

TigerLili,

There is no time limit on steps, or Big Book or anything, really. I just look ahead at the next day and where trouble may lie. One day at a time-that is all I can really do. (20th day for me after a relapse).

I am certainly not a Bible-thumping AA person, but I am getting to a meeting a day and connecting as much as possible because I know I cannot do this alone. If I stay in my own head too much it is bad news.

So sorry for your pain, and I always find it so odd that I can "endure" so much more when I drink, but my life goes downhill. There is not a light at the end of the tunnel, it just gets lighter,

Hugs, Pamel

Dee74

I'm glad you sound a little better today TL

D