redrosie

Im just coming to the end of day three and I am starting to get really short tempered. Everything is just... I feel like the Hulk must feel, just want to smash Also helping husband with the BREWING tonight(!) thankfully for me its the beer, but its wine tomorrow the thought of which makes me weak at the knees. I did turn down an offered glass of white earlier, but I really want a drink. I thought it was going so well yesterday!

Does the anger/irritation wear off? Soon?!

Rosie
x

doggonecarl

It gets better. However, homebrewing isn't conductive to recovery.

You asked in a earlier post about a plan and what that entailed. I think telling your husband you are quitting and that you don't think brewing alcohol is supportive would be the start of a plan.

redrosie

He is aware that I am quitting, but if he needs help with something he is doing then I will help him. Obviously brewing isn't a fantastic thing to be around especially at this stage for me, but what if I worked in a bar? That wouldn't be exactly be great either would it? Why should other people have to change in order for me to get over whatever problem I have? If you go to a restaurant, do you make an announcement for everyone to hide their drinks? No, you deal with it. Then if it makes you want a drink, you probably come on here, or talk to AA or whatever it is YOU do.

We are never going to be away from temptation, so its probably better to start dealing with it now. And considering the day I had, how much I wanted a drink I think I did pretty f******well to be able to do the brewing.

And with the whole Plan thing, I think we might all have the same one... don't drink?

So thanks for the useful post.

kizzie

Bit touchy there, hey Rosie?

I don't think Carl was asking your husband to change his behaviour. He asked you to change yours, just at this beginning stage, by taking care of yourself and avoiding situations - like home brewing - that might be too much for you to deal with right now. Having a bad day is not a reason to drink; it's an excuse to drink. Just like being too tempted by the home brewing is an excuse. You're setting yourself up for failure IMO.

It's very, very normal to be extremely agitated in the first week. If you can get over this hump you might find things get a bit easier.

bigsombrero

There is no reason at all for you to be involved in home brewing, wine making, or anything remotely connected to that. If your husband needs help he can call a friend. If you are sick of getting run over by the bus, stop hanging out at the bus station. I am unable to give any other advice because I feel this is so important. You should really stop anything having to do with that practice immediately - IMHO.

Dee74

Hi Rosie

I'm with Carl I'm afraid - I think there is a difference (a very big one) between accepting that alcohol is all around us, and putting ourself directly in its path.

I needed a plan that went beyond 'don't drink' too.
I found quitting very very hard - I needed a lot of support, and I needed to make a lot of changes.

It's your life, your recovery and your call but I'm not sure I'd still be around if I helped someone with the home brewing.

Is it really that important?

D

Nonsensical

My AV usually dislikes Carl's advice, too.
Of course, I try not to let Mr. AV have free run with my keyboard.

You can justify anything you want to. It's something we alcoholics are good at. From a cost benefit perspective, though, I see lots of downside to brewing and not much upside. Just a thought.

Good Luck!

robgt350

Red

yes that is normal. i was angry and short tempered for about 2 to 3 weeks. then i slowed down. you will be ok,, congratulations on your soberity

Grymt

Yeah, I think you'll be fine.

For me : it's important for me to feel my feelings. I've learnt to develop a habit of viewing them equanimously. It doesn't matter whether it is joy or anger. By being aware of my feelings they don't have the same destabilising effect as they do when I just act out on them by 'blaming' something outside of myself by hitting out or by forming an unrealistic attachment and lamenting the inevitable loss or pushing the feeling back inside where it will only fester and have to be dealt with at some other time.

LexieCat

You DON'T work in a bar, though, do you? You have a spouse with a hobby that you have every right not to join in. Moreover, it is a hobby that is currently very dangerous for you.

No, newly sober I would not go into a restaurant asking people to hide their drinks. HOWEVER, if it bothered me I would wait until I was on more solid ground to go to restaurants where people are drinking next to me.

You are not a leaf wafting in the breeze, compelled to go wherever it takes you. But there is a saying I've heard many times, which has a lot of truth in it. If you hang around the barbershop long enough, you are likely to wind up getting a haircut.

paul99

Just not drinking isn't a plan many of us stuck to when trying to quit. I needed a plan of recovery, and for me it was AA. There are many other paths to recovery as well, but they are rooted in some kind of action, outlook and perspective that differs from how we used to be. If it were as simple as "don't drink", well, we wouldn't be here...there wouldn't be a need for support programs, therapy, meetings, etc. We'd be on our merry way. But that not my experience, or the experience for most others here. We can't do this alone, and there are things that we do to help us in our own recovery.

Early recovery is tough, as you are finding out. I was on an emotional rollercoaster for months. And as a former homebrewer, I can tell you that there was no chance of me being around that smell and that apparatus when I was early in. I am glad you made it through, but it doesn't serve you.

We don't ask the world to change, but I know that I needed to change, and when I was days and weeks into sobriety, I had to also change where I went and who I hung out with. And that was helpful to me.

brazzaville

Hi Rosie

I'm on day 3 too. I had 9 weeks until Saturday when I had a relapse which I really regret. I'm feeling irritable today too...I'm irritated with myself for relapsing and I haven't got the patience with others I usually have...

We will both feel better tomorrow if we don't drink today - much better! Just think of the hangovers we will avoid...and the added anxiety and depression

Good luck!

Brazzaville

jennikate

Irratibility is normal and even expected at this point. Your brain is used to having a chemical that it is now missing. It will pass.
That being said, I do think that if you worked at a bar, it would be wise to quit. It helped me to remember the need to change "people, places, and things". At first, I didn't go to restaurants that served alcohol. I didn't go to bars, parties, get togethers. I did this in the name of self preservation. I did not ask others to hide anything. I just avoided potentially harmful situations. I could never have participated in the production of alcohol. Now 9+ months out, I still wouldn't. I do however go out freely in restaurants, etc. with no worries. It's good to know your own limits.
As for a plan, I am an AAer and believe it saved my life. I needed the steps. They freed me from the obsession to drink.Whatever path you take, I wish you the best. And know it gets better.

redrosie

Think I'm going to take some time away from SR until I can get a handle on my emotions, I'm all over the place at the moment. I don't want to bite heads off again, especially when you are all trying to help. Sorry.

Nonsensical

What if we said we prefer 'Grumpy You' over 'No You'?

kizzie

Rosie, don't do that, please. Everybody here has felt exactly the same roller coaster of emotions that you're feeling right now. It's okay! You're among friends here - we GET it. ((hugs))

trailrunrbyday

Stay Rosie

Dee74

Everyone knows how hard it can be Rosie - I hope you'll continue to post or at least read here

D

doggonecarl

If SR is going to be your only lifeline, don't let go.