Coconut61

I have 24 hours sober right now, can't sleep, and am feeling incredibly lonely. I chased so many good people out of my life because all I've cared about for several years is my relationship with alcohol. Now I have few friends, no significant other, and tenuous ties to my family (they are losing trust because of some of my actions).

I believe if I can blame my alcoholism on anything it is a deep loneliness i've always felt. Ive gone to therapy but have never been completely honest about my issues because i didnt want to be vulnerable and because i was still using alcohol to cope, so therapy was not my primary coping mechanism.

Has anyone else experienced isolation and loneliness while drinking only to find that it went away when you got sober? How did that happen for you?

Petewill

weird, i kind of just wrote the same exact post.. I have 63 days and i don't know what to think... I too have pushed alot of people or pissed off alot of people from my life.. it took awhile, but this last year(2012) was the worse.. congrats on 24 hours, i sometimes see a shrink too, and I tried the rooms of aa and I actually do like the fellowship and having a great sponsor.. some of that might work for you, just throwing it out there..

Wastinglife

I used alcohol to to lessen the loneliness I felt. It was when I stopped drinking that I really felt lonely since I didn't have that crutch anymore. My drinking forced my gf and many friends away, but I didn't really care if I had booze to keep me company. I find myself very lonely right now but at least I am sober. I think these feelings are common for many people dealing with addiction.

DayTrader

Actually Coconut, it got FAR worse when I quit drinking. It didn't help that I had lost my driver's license and was basically "grounded."

One of the things drinking did for me was help me to be more comfortable in social situations. It helped me be more outgoing than I would have been without the booze. Then, take the booze away and I lost the one tool I had for really getting out and interacting with ppl. So, as I said, my loneliness got much worse in early sobriety. Getting "sober" was and has been far more "learning how to live life sober" than it was just "getting rid of alcohol." At times, I feel like I'm just graduating high school or college all over again and I'm facing the world for the first time (I'm 44yrs old).

I was encouraged to "embrace" the loneliness. To accept it and see what, if any, treasures were in it for me. I know, that may sound odd. What good can there be in something that feels so "bad?" Well, for someone who was ONLY concerned with how I felt and how I could get to feel better........the idea of "feeling bad" was something to be avoided (in my mind) at all costs. Well, it turns out that not running to a meeting every day and not seeking connnnnnnnnstant contact but instead sitting in that loneliness, doing some meditating, doing some reading, doing some thinking and doing a lot of writing about what was going through my head (and speaking to a VERY qualified recovered alcoholic/therapist) made those lonely times very productive.......VERY productive. I look back now and am actually thankful for them........I did some things I wouldn't have done had I felt otherwise.

It still comes back from time to time (my last drink was 4/28/07) but I no longer look at it as a "bad" thing. I know...... "they" say "don't isolate, " and "don't get too 'HALT' - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired," and "they" say a bunch of other goofy things....... I'll just say that for ME, there are just times where I WILL be Lonely......will isolate.......will WANT to isolate. I allow myself to have those times and don't feel guilty about it anymore. I do, though, let my sponsor know what's going on and speak about it to some of my AA friends - I know my propensity to over-indulge in such things and like knowing that I've got some trusted ppl watching out for me - just in case I start to over-do things, yanno?

Coconut61

I have become completely isolated thanks to alcohol. It has prevented me from even wanting to reach out, go out, meet new people because it has made me gain a lot of weight and lose confidence in my looks. I hope that being sober, losing some weight, feeling energized to exercise, and being able to face the world without this dark cloud of guilt hanging over my head will be better.

Anything is better than my life during the past year with booze. It is no longer working as a crutch. It is just constant pain.

Dee74

I was lonely all my life Coconut.
I don't think thats something you can fix in a day

I spent years not wanting to be in my own company - when I had to be alone, I got drunk.

Recovery gave me the chance to get to know myself.

It took some time, some effort , and some courage but once I got to know myself I found I wasn't actually a bad a person as I'd thought all those years.

One I accepted that, I could start on trust - working on opening myself and my life up to others and making contact with society again.

Give yourself some time

D

instant

I think part of the feeling is withdrawal related. It took me 90 days to realize how alchol had influenced me emotionally . It took another three months for my emotions to stablished out and approximate their normal functioning.

We have to learn to live sober. It does not come naturally for us.

doggonecarl

give yourself more than 24 hours to undo what years of drinking created.

It does get better...if you work to make it better.

Weasel1966

Loneliness is not a byproduct of stopping drinking nor is it caused by drinking. They are separate things.

I grew up very very lonely. Stopping the drinking made that feeling more intense. But managing deep emotions is a skill I need to continue to learn regardless of drinking.

Loneliness is never an excuse to drink. Nothing should be.

But I feel for you. Feeling alone hurts and is scary. But we are all here feeling similar things. So for what it is worth we are here with you and none of us is alone.

Music

First off, stay away from this faceless website and go to AA meetings. 24 hours sober?? You just haven't had a drink in a day. Get honest with a counselor about your problems, start going to meetings so you can hook up with some new people who can share with you how they dealt with what you're going through. Don't worry about relationships....of any kind. Do the footwork and all that will happen in time.

whiskeyman

go to an AA meeting. i promise you will never feel alone.
I did and am so grateful. I felt i didnt have anyone

Huglets

Egads....you just described my life when I was drinking. I stopped drinking in public about 7 or 8 years ago because I knew I couldn't control it and didn't want anyone to know. So my life consisted of going to work (hungover and feeling crappy) and coming home to get drunk every night. Weekends were spent home alone, drinking and wallowing in self-pity about being lonely. Like you, I live alone, no spouse and had plenty of time to indulge in my self-destructive behavior. Vicious and horribly lonely cycle.

I encourage you to find a recovery method - whichever one works for you - and embrace it. For me, it's AA. Once I let my guard down and let these people help me my entire world opened up. I resisted for 2 years. Going to meetings but never allowing anyone through my steel wall. It takes time, at least for me it did.

Step one for you is to focus on remaining sober. The rest will work itself out if you give it a chance.

whiskeyman

this was me for along time, is sat in a seat for two years thinking, this is not working, why are they not teaching me how to not drink.
then i started to really listen and they were talking about studies, steps and getting a sponsor, doing all that changed my life.

paul99

Bang on. I was exactly the same - I took that alone time to work on my recovery, do journaling, reading and yes, going to my therapist twice a week to really get in touch with myself and with what was going on. While I did hit lots of meetings, it was in those quiet moments, those sometimes painful moments, that I started to find clarity. I started to see myself for the first time. It was important for me to have that space, both negative and positive, to get the light in. I had avoided that spot for a long, long time. It's now that I get to live from that light of awareness and in that, I have been able to forge amazing authentic and deep relationships with others that I wouldn't have been able to before.

neferkamichael

Coconut, I can identify with what you are saying and I suffered with the loniylness somewhat. However, 2 years 7 months sober, the dreaded fear of being lonely has subsided considerably. I am alone, I am sober, and as long as I stay that way, I'll do very well. I have come to realize that being sober isn't a cureall for every problem I have, but it is the key to solving them. You can do it. Rootin for ya.

Coconut61

2 days sober now... thanks everyone for the responses.

bnmbh

I feel the exact same as you all... Lil over 48 hrs sober and super lonely.. Stopped talking to all my friends pretty much only family.. Im staying at my sisters right now and my brother in law likes his wine.. Its not what i drink but it would do the job. I opened the fridge picked up the bottle but suprisingly i put it back. Sad and lonely depressed but sober.. Hope i can keep it up..

Readysteady

One of the reasons many people drink is to overcome loneliness. I'd be amazed at how many people knew each other in the pubs and I often felt like the only one who wasn't "in". Makes it easy to keep ordering another drink. When getting sober it makes you more aware of that, and is probably a big reason alot of people go right back. So there's a big void that being clearer makes it more apparent, more in your face. It's realizing that and knowing it's a process for the sober person to meet people from scratch as time goes on. Hope that makes sense.