I really want to abstain completely but I need some pointers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6
I really want to abstain completely but I need some pointers.
Hi everyone,
I'm in my late 20's and I have been drinking heavily for about 8 years. It hasn't gotten really bad until about 3 years ago though.
The problem with me is that I am not your usual drinker. I rarely ever get fully intoxicated because instead of gulping down liquor I just get a fifth of Whisky or Gin and drink it slowly over the course of 7 or 8 hours. It's like once I start drinking I never want to stop until I am dead tired but the liquor itself acts like a stimulant. The problem is that I end up drinking about 5 or 6 fifths a week either way, even though I never seem overly intoxicated. So basically, no one close to me has even mentioned me having a drinking problem (although since I drink only liquor and I can hide it pretty well).
This had allowed me to stay out of trouble but my health and my wallet are really taking a beating. I have been getting pains in my liver from time to time over the last year and I know it's a sign that my body wants me to quit.
Now, I have been able to quit for 4 weeks straight about a year ago but part of the reason why was because I had foot surgery and so I was bed ridden for 2 weeks and the other 2 weeks I stayed home mostly and refrained from going out to bars.
So basically, I can avoid alcohol if I just stay home and watch TV or work on some website development (I a software dev) but the second I go to a bar or get invited to a friends house I just can't resist.
It's like when I'm out in a social environment, I just don't feel like I want to have fun unless I'm drinking.
I know that most of you feel the same way and I'm sorry for the long post but what pointers can you give me aside from joining an AA group? I am strongly considering trying EMDR therapy but that's as far as I'll go. But what other lifestyle changes can you recommend for someone like me?
Thanks.
I'm in my late 20's and I have been drinking heavily for about 8 years. It hasn't gotten really bad until about 3 years ago though.
The problem with me is that I am not your usual drinker. I rarely ever get fully intoxicated because instead of gulping down liquor I just get a fifth of Whisky or Gin and drink it slowly over the course of 7 or 8 hours. It's like once I start drinking I never want to stop until I am dead tired but the liquor itself acts like a stimulant. The problem is that I end up drinking about 5 or 6 fifths a week either way, even though I never seem overly intoxicated. So basically, no one close to me has even mentioned me having a drinking problem (although since I drink only liquor and I can hide it pretty well).
This had allowed me to stay out of trouble but my health and my wallet are really taking a beating. I have been getting pains in my liver from time to time over the last year and I know it's a sign that my body wants me to quit.
Now, I have been able to quit for 4 weeks straight about a year ago but part of the reason why was because I had foot surgery and so I was bed ridden for 2 weeks and the other 2 weeks I stayed home mostly and refrained from going out to bars.
So basically, I can avoid alcohol if I just stay home and watch TV or work on some website development (I a software dev) but the second I go to a bar or get invited to a friends house I just can't resist.
It's like when I'm out in a social environment, I just don't feel like I want to have fun unless I'm drinking.
I know that most of you feel the same way and I'm sorry for the long post but what pointers can you give me aside from joining an AA group? I am strongly considering trying EMDR therapy but that's as far as I'll go. But what other lifestyle changes can you recommend for someone like me?
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York City
Posts: 221
Well, it can be really rough on a young person to try quitting when everyone around you is getting silly and or bombed. You may be surprised to know that not everyone your age is getting hammered and you may be attracted to your current peeps because they all get hammered.
As you've noticed being a shut-in is not a lasting solution either.
AA can be a place for you and there are groups full of 20 somethings, but you may need more shock, terror and awe before you allow yourself to get help there, but try to be open to the idea.
The one lifestyle change I can recommend is to quit drinking and look for people who don't drink and hang with them. Another thought is to wake up super early, do your kung fu forms, go running and enjoy a full breakfast. Since you'll be tired and sleeping much earlier, this can make it a lot easier avoiding beer busts.
There's an old AA saying: "Drinking isn't your problem. Your problem is that drinking is your solution..." If you think about that hard and deep you'll start getting the idea.
It can be really hard to start stopping. But finding folks that dont drink is not as hard as it may sound, and those non-drinkers are probably not nearly as 'uncool' as you may think!
Good luck to you!
As you've noticed being a shut-in is not a lasting solution either.
AA can be a place for you and there are groups full of 20 somethings, but you may need more shock, terror and awe before you allow yourself to get help there, but try to be open to the idea.
The one lifestyle change I can recommend is to quit drinking and look for people who don't drink and hang with them. Another thought is to wake up super early, do your kung fu forms, go running and enjoy a full breakfast. Since you'll be tired and sleeping much earlier, this can make it a lot easier avoiding beer busts.
There's an old AA saying: "Drinking isn't your problem. Your problem is that drinking is your solution..." If you think about that hard and deep you'll start getting the idea.
It can be really hard to start stopping. But finding folks that dont drink is not as hard as it may sound, and those non-drinkers are probably not nearly as 'uncool' as you may think!
Good luck to you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,433
Hi and welcome newguy
I think most of us can identify with the way you drink.
I maintained a steady buzz for many years...until I lost that ability and the wheels came off.
I think supports very important - especially if you have a social life that currently revolves around alcohol.
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
I think most of us can identify with the way you drink.
I maintained a steady buzz for many years...until I lost that ability and the wheels came off.
I think supports very important - especially if you have a social life that currently revolves around alcohol.
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 6
Hey newguy22
I'm just on day one so advice from me might sound a bit rich, however I did manage about 6 months alcohol free last year in total.... with the longest stint being 4 months straight. So drawing from that I can hopefully let you know how I managed.
Firstly I was on a similar site to this called Bright Eye which I posted on regularly. I changed my focus to enjoying other things. Spent more time outdoors being active and going to places I would not have usually.... explored other social pursuits that don't involve alcohol. Start to look at life differently and what other options there are.
Secondly, being prepared. Stock up on a vast variety of non alcoholic drinks (take a stack to your friends house and explain you are on medication you cannot drink with if need be) Try out new flavours and even buy alcohol free alternatives. Drink plenty of water and take some vitamin B supplements to replenish what has been depleted during your periods of drinking.
Next, expect the highs and lows and know that your body will go through a period of repair where you feel worse, are more tired and irratible. During this time don't be too hard on your self. Don't focus on changing too many things at once or getting overwhelmed with the enormity of the task. Break things down into manageable chunks and be kind to yourself. Indulge in your favourite movies, long baths, walks or theatre trips. Watch a comedy show to lighten the mood when it all gets too much. Identify a few things you could look forward to doing with the money you save; new clothes, a new gadget, a holiday, paying of debts and enjoying being debt free even!
The sky is the limit really and if we can get this off to a good start the momentum kicks in and the cravings do start to subside. But we have to adjust our outlook and this is crucial. We cannot make pubs the centre of our social worlds anymore. True friends will understand and those who are probably too addicted themselves will chose the liquor.... but that's their loss.
Day 1 for me and I came close half an hour ago to opening a can of beer, but no! I am weary of drinking and the slippery slope is becoming all too familiar. I am going to have a nice cup of herbal tea and slip into bed and hopefully a hangover free morning awaits me tomorrow.... the first in a while!
Good luck
I'm just on day one so advice from me might sound a bit rich, however I did manage about 6 months alcohol free last year in total.... with the longest stint being 4 months straight. So drawing from that I can hopefully let you know how I managed.
Firstly I was on a similar site to this called Bright Eye which I posted on regularly. I changed my focus to enjoying other things. Spent more time outdoors being active and going to places I would not have usually.... explored other social pursuits that don't involve alcohol. Start to look at life differently and what other options there are.
Secondly, being prepared. Stock up on a vast variety of non alcoholic drinks (take a stack to your friends house and explain you are on medication you cannot drink with if need be) Try out new flavours and even buy alcohol free alternatives. Drink plenty of water and take some vitamin B supplements to replenish what has been depleted during your periods of drinking.
Next, expect the highs and lows and know that your body will go through a period of repair where you feel worse, are more tired and irratible. During this time don't be too hard on your self. Don't focus on changing too many things at once or getting overwhelmed with the enormity of the task. Break things down into manageable chunks and be kind to yourself. Indulge in your favourite movies, long baths, walks or theatre trips. Watch a comedy show to lighten the mood when it all gets too much. Identify a few things you could look forward to doing with the money you save; new clothes, a new gadget, a holiday, paying of debts and enjoying being debt free even!
The sky is the limit really and if we can get this off to a good start the momentum kicks in and the cravings do start to subside. But we have to adjust our outlook and this is crucial. We cannot make pubs the centre of our social worlds anymore. True friends will understand and those who are probably too addicted themselves will chose the liquor.... but that's their loss.
Day 1 for me and I came close half an hour ago to opening a can of beer, but no! I am weary of drinking and the slippery slope is becoming all too familiar. I am going to have a nice cup of herbal tea and slip into bed and hopefully a hangover free morning awaits me tomorrow.... the first in a while!
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 85
I was (am?!) the kind of drinker who could/can abstain and then back on the stuff at breakneck speed.
It's so weird. I am a man in his fifties with full unadulterated control and responsibility for his life (and some kids too), who ought to know better, but I don't always live up to it.
I have plenty of time on my hands, and noone to tell me what to do or when or where to do it. For me, this has been a disaster. I grew up chained and controlled, and now I have control, or at least am supposed to, I muck it up.
Part of sobriety, for me, is to act like the man I should be, not try to be so selfish. It's like I did all the growing up the grown ups wanted me to do, and now I'm in charge I want to live life at a faster speed. However, this comes at a serious price, as we here have discovered.
Sorry this isn't a direct reply to the OP, but it might have a place.
I live a fairly boring life with no social network to speak of, but do have a couple of contacts now through learning a new language, and these people are, I think, the last ones to be seen drinking. This is nothing but a good thing for me.
Waffling ends...
It's so weird. I am a man in his fifties with full unadulterated control and responsibility for his life (and some kids too), who ought to know better, but I don't always live up to it.
I have plenty of time on my hands, and noone to tell me what to do or when or where to do it. For me, this has been a disaster. I grew up chained and controlled, and now I have control, or at least am supposed to, I muck it up.
Part of sobriety, for me, is to act like the man I should be, not try to be so selfish. It's like I did all the growing up the grown ups wanted me to do, and now I'm in charge I want to live life at a faster speed. However, this comes at a serious price, as we here have discovered.
Sorry this isn't a direct reply to the OP, but it might have a place.
I live a fairly boring life with no social network to speak of, but do have a couple of contacts now through learning a new language, and these people are, I think, the last ones to be seen drinking. This is nothing but a good thing for me.
Waffling ends...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6
Thanks for the replies.
I really am going to try and join my local gym and exercise as much as possible. I was actually very athletic as a teen and even though I have been sedentary for nearly a decade I still can go hard in the gym. I've just never been able to go for more than a week or two at a time.
My problem is that the second I miss a workout, I slowly slide out of it. It's the same with drinking. Another problem is that I never feel like I have the energy to do it routinely. They say that exercise gives you more energy but I have never gotten to that point so it's a bit disheartening.
As far as non-alcoholic drinks, I do love to drink Selestial Seasons sleepytime tea as I find it relaxing but I end up drinking it like alcohol, having 5 or 6 drinks a night because I feel like I need to always have a sip ready for me. It's like I actually crave the drinking aspect as much as he euphoria.
I really am going to try and join my local gym and exercise as much as possible. I was actually very athletic as a teen and even though I have been sedentary for nearly a decade I still can go hard in the gym. I've just never been able to go for more than a week or two at a time.
My problem is that the second I miss a workout, I slowly slide out of it. It's the same with drinking. Another problem is that I never feel like I have the energy to do it routinely. They say that exercise gives you more energy but I have never gotten to that point so it's a bit disheartening.
As far as non-alcoholic drinks, I do love to drink Selestial Seasons sleepytime tea as I find it relaxing but I end up drinking it like alcohol, having 5 or 6 drinks a night because I feel like I need to always have a sip ready for me. It's like I actually crave the drinking aspect as much as he euphoria.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Originally Posted by newguy22 
I just don't feel like I want to have fun unless I'm drinking.
Glad you're here x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
You sound a lot like me 10 months ago. I was a steady drinker, but never sloppy. It started really ramping up on me fast - within about a 3-year period my daily intake really increased. My health took a beating too, and my nervous system just about shut down so I quit work due to the stress...then I started drinking during the day and it went downhill from there until I woke up one day in treatment.
This is not something to take lightly and just say you're going to cut down. I am serious, I have been there. Right where you were, thinking I might have a problem...meanwhile figuring out ways to not make it sound so bad. For example, I would reason that since I'm a social person, and I drink socially, then it must be my social life that needs a break. Well then I started being alone more but the alcohol was there too and I was drinking by myself.
I am only 7 months clean but the last 2 years of my life have been filled with little decisions like this. I wish I would have asked the questions you are asking now. You seem to be at least willing to try. But that means giving up drinking for good. Could you do that? Or does that sound like something you're "not ready" for? You'll answer "yes" to that first question now, or someday down the road I bet. Good luck
This is not something to take lightly and just say you're going to cut down. I am serious, I have been there. Right where you were, thinking I might have a problem...meanwhile figuring out ways to not make it sound so bad. For example, I would reason that since I'm a social person, and I drink socially, then it must be my social life that needs a break. Well then I started being alone more but the alcohol was there too and I was drinking by myself.
I am only 7 months clean but the last 2 years of my life have been filled with little decisions like this. I wish I would have asked the questions you are asking now. You seem to be at least willing to try. But that means giving up drinking for good. Could you do that? Or does that sound like something you're "not ready" for? You'll answer "yes" to that first question now, or someday down the road I bet. Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
You sound a lot like me 10 months ago. I was a steady drinker, but never sloppy. It started really ramping up on me fast - within about a 3-year period my daily intake really increased. My health took a beating too, and my nervous system just about shut down so I quit work due to the stress...then I started drinking during the day and it went downhill from there until I woke up one day in treatment.
This is not something to take lightly and just say you're going to cut down. I am serious, I have been there. Right where you were, thinking I might have a problem...meanwhile figuring out ways to not make it sound so bad. For example, I would reason that since I'm a social person, and I drink socially, then it must be my social life that needs a break. Well then I started being alone more but the alcohol was there too and I was drinking by myself.
I am only 7 months clean but the last 2 years of my life have been filled with little decisions like this. I wish I would have asked the questions you are asking now. You seem to be at least willing to try. But that means giving up drinking for good. Could you do that? Or does that sound like something you're "not ready" for? You'll answer "yes" to that first question now, or someday down the road I bet. Good luck
This is not something to take lightly and just say you're going to cut down. I am serious, I have been there. Right where you were, thinking I might have a problem...meanwhile figuring out ways to not make it sound so bad. For example, I would reason that since I'm a social person, and I drink socially, then it must be my social life that needs a break. Well then I started being alone more but the alcohol was there too and I was drinking by myself.
I am only 7 months clean but the last 2 years of my life have been filled with little decisions like this. I wish I would have asked the questions you are asking now. You seem to be at least willing to try. But that means giving up drinking for good. Could you do that? Or does that sound like something you're "not ready" for? You'll answer "yes" to that first question now, or someday down the road I bet. Good luck
It's going to be hard but it's the only way. It's just impossible for me to stay sober for more than 6 months at a time. I just love alcohol too much.
It's getting to that moderate drinker status is what I am striving for. But in order for me to even attempt that I need to completely abstain for at least 6 to 8 months. Then I might be able to experiment with just having a beer or two on a Fri night.
I'm just trying to be realistic is all.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,501
If you are an alcoholic, you cannot become a moderate drinker. There is an invisible line which we cross, and we can never go back. It doesn't work that way. If you don't have an 'off' switch, that's a sign of alcoholism.
If you are not an alcoholic, you may be able to moderate your drinking.
If you are not an alcoholic, you may be able to moderate your drinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
We all wanted "moderate drinker" status - are you kidding me? None of us WANTED to be alcoholics and stop drinking!!!!
For me there was no middle ground. I had to understand that in order to get well - and reading posts like this probably wouldn't have helped me. I had to hit rock bottom, hope you find a better way to rid yourself of alcohol. Good luck.
For me there was no middle ground. I had to understand that in order to get well - and reading posts like this probably wouldn't have helped me. I had to hit rock bottom, hope you find a better way to rid yourself of alcohol. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 47
I got sober when I was 27 years old. You may not want to go the AA route, but it worked for me. In larger cities there's a huge young AA with loads of people in their 20's. That saved my life because I found a great social group very fast.
Unlike you I was a horribly sloppy drunk. I drank as much as I could as fast as I could as often as I could. I was self-destructing so I was desperate to stop. There's no way I could cut down drinking ... it's either abstain or live in a blackout for me.
Unlike you I was a horribly sloppy drunk. I drank as much as I could as fast as I could as often as I could. I was self-destructing so I was desperate to stop. There's no way I could cut down drinking ... it's either abstain or live in a blackout for me.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by newguy22
But what other lifestyle changes can you recommend for someone like me?
You mentioned that you like to drink at bars or social settings where there is booze available. Find some alcohol-free social groups/events and use them as a alternative to bars. I don't know of anyone with long-term sobriety that that did not at least change that much in their lifestyle.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 150
I can relate. The amount/rate I drink depends on the situation/environment I'm in. If I'm alone in a calm environment I can limit myself alot better than when over certain peoples homes or in certain bar scenes. There's a local pub that's pretty mellow and I can have a few, go home and have a couple more and be "ok", wake up feeling somewhat fine. But, put me in a loud, crowded bar atmosphere and they go down like water. I think it could be trying to overcome social anxiety. Not that it is the same in your case, but seems to be what happens to me.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
In order for me to abstain I have to avoid giong to places that trigger me. That means bars, pubs and parties. I also changed my job as that was a big trigger for me. And even some friends I had to let go.
Like Big said I really don't want to be an alcoholic and stop drinking, but the reality is that I am one and I can't stop at one drink. I'll never beable to do that and I have to accept it in order to get better.
Like Big said I really don't want to be an alcoholic and stop drinking, but the reality is that I am one and I can't stop at one drink. I'll never beable to do that and I have to accept it in order to get better.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
