Jaded1999

OK... I really don't know how to put into words how I am feeling, but I'll give it a shot. I know deep down i'm an alcoholic, I simply could not stop once I started, loved to party and had lots of fun... But you guys know the story, ended up getting divorced then came the detoxes and a rehab etc, etc.

In the time i have been sober this time things have slowly turned around, I'm 'in' AA I have a sponsor, I completed a full time course and got a job in the industry I wanted.

I think I have a real problem with the fact I can't drink again (acceptance). I know I shouldn't and I really don't want my life to go to **** again. It's just so hard seeing everyone party and have a good time when I'm still nervous in ALL social situations! I find it really hard work just holding conversations (even in aa). I have heaps of hobbies and things to do, so it ain't boredom just constant anxiety, (Also had a problem with xanax for years).

My sponsor wants me to finish step 4 and do all the steps with him in a day! I have no problems doing this but (I guess I do lol), I then know I can't drink ever (That sounds silly). I just want to live sober but also happy and confident and not all nervous and shy all the time (I'm a personal trainer ffs).

Anyway that's kinda where i'm at at the moment, anyway off to work soon.

Cheers.

ricmcc

Social anxiety is quite a common problem, and there are non-drug approachs that I have found helpful, Cognative Therapy in particular. Might be worth discussing with your Doctor, especially if you tell him/her of your past problems with xanax-Good luck to you, rick

instant

Is everyone who is drinking really having a good time?

For me the good times had long gone, they weren't coming back

sugarbear1

"My sponsor wants me to finish step 4 and do all the steps with him in a day! I have no problems doing this but (I guess I do lol), I then know I can't drink ever (That sounds silly). I just want to live sober but also happy and confident and not all nervous and shy all the time (I'm a personal trainer ffs)."

I worked the 12 steps in 2 days. NO, my 9th step wasn't completed in this time, but it was begun. This was my first time through the steps. By 8 months, I had worked them 3 times, with a 4th time at about 18 months. There's always something I had remembered and the 4th time was about a job I had been terminated from in sobriety. We studied the big book and a few other books on spirituality in between the step work.

I am no longer anxious or shy. My irrational fears are basically gone. Prayer and meditation are extrememely important.

I had an amazing change in me. There are habits of behaving that needed to change which came up over time.

Go ahead and do those steps and get some real relief. Those steps saved my life. I couldn't have gotten to 7 months without working steps 4-9.

You are 7 months without a drink and concerned with forever.....get over that one, you got those 7 months for a reason, don't forget how bad it had been.

I'm cheering you on with this!! You can do it!!

digderidoo

Maybe if you are having a hard time with acceptance it's time to do step 1 again? Step 1 for me is the only step i take for my lifetime, not in the sense that i commit to never drinking again but in the sense that I realise that i can never again drink safely for the rest of my life.

Being a recovering alcoholic and having thoughts of how good the party scene was, is like being in a wheelchair and thinking how great my football days were, I can look back but for the future it just aint going to happen, so i find activities that suit my new way of life.

Caldus

ShaunEm14, I am almost 6 months sober and I have a lot of the same feelings as you describe. I've been doing the AA work but at the same time I feel like I still haven't fully accepted that I can never drink again. I even enjoy some of the AA meetings but I have a hard time on the weekends (such as tonight) with the idea that everyone is out partying or whatever with booze while I'm not. But of course, when the new work week comes, I'm always happy to be waking up sober and not hungover and feeling like complete ****.

In the end, we just can't have the best of both worlds. It's either we continue to try to accept and maybe this mindset will change over time ... or we go back out, get trashed, and then suffer the negative consequences of drinking again. Alcoholics just can't have the best of both of these worlds.

tammy711

You don't have to quit drinking forever, just for today ;- )

oinobares

I'm just past 8 months myself. In the beginning I was doing a meeting a day, (90/90) and now I try to make 2 or 3 a week. This is my second try in AA and this time I was resolved to "take instruction," to be honest, open-minded and willing. I worked the steps, continue to work them, and have a sponsor. My life has changed dramatically. I am spiritually and physically healthy. I feel blessed and practice gratitude every day. So I wholeheartedly encourage you to keep up with the step-work and meetings even when you feel blah about it.

And yet! I get into difficulties when I brood on absolutes, long-term prognostications, and "nevers." Someone in my circle of meetings with more than fifty years of continuous sobriety has said to me on several occasions that he got those years strictly "one day at a time." I take that kernel of wisdom from someone with that amount of sobriety very seriously. (He also tells me: "Easy does it." What comfort I get from that very simple phrase.) I stay focused on doing the next right thing today. There isn't an atom of doubt in my mind what happens if I take "just one" drink. I work to stay fortified against that one drink. I don't need to worry about "never" taking another drink. I face and accept the truth of what happens if I take a drink today.

You're doing fantastic, stay on the beam! Stay in the day!

tammy711

ShaunEM14 - if you get the opportunity, pick up the book, Living Sober (author Anonymous). I love it. It is a type of book you can thumb through and it is great wisdom from many sober living folks.

It is $10 on Amazon and you can likely find it in your local library too.

(Living Sober: Anonymous: 9780916856045: Amazon.com: Books)

hypochondriac

Sounds like the problem is that you're nervous and shy, not that you can't drink again. At this point the only cure for your anxiety you can think of is drinking but in time and with a bit of work you'll have lots of ideas to help you overcome your shyness. I think part of being an alcoholic is being held trapped in that myth that if we could only drink everything would be alright. Drinking is not a miracle cure all. Learn some better tools to cope with your nervousness. And don't push yourself. It's okay to be shy and a bit introverted. I am the same but I was a very social animal when I was drinking. I think I used that as an excuse to drink really. I think it takes a lot of time to become comfortable being sober...