LifeBlows

I feel like in the last couple of months I've really been trying to do right. I was going to work, then meetings, then the gym. I've been putting serious time into finding a job. I signed up with a government service that specifically deals with people who have mental health and addictions issues.

Unfortunately its taken me a year to get to this point where I can even do these things. In the mean time. When I first got out of treatment I just got some crappy, little minimum wage jobs. Just because I was too scared to apply for a professional job. I was too scared of dealing with the fact that I didn't have good references. I was scared that I would go back to work and start doing the same old thing and then get fired. I held down a minimum wage job and did well at it for a few months until I felt like I was ready to move on. I've signed up with like 3 different agencies to place me in jobs in addition to the government agency.

However, I havent been earning a whole lot of money and managing my money is one of the skills that still hasn't improved just yet. It depends on my sobriety. Sometimes my sobriety hasn't been that great. My inability to pay my bills is seriously stressing my parents out as they have to cover me. I feel terrible about this. Just terrible.

It seems as though I manage to get lectured by my mother nearly every day about something that I have done that will (inadvertently) cause her more financial expense. I don't set out to do these things. I feel as though I cannot get anything right. I am trying my darndest to get a job so I can contribute financially but its not really working out. Its so frustrating and its hard for me not to feel resentment over this. I know resentment isn't healthy but it wells up.

Is it normal for things to take this long to learn how to manage your life? (I have had some relapses in the year since I left treatment). I feel like they just expect me to be a fully functional human being right out of treatment and I can't be. I am just trying to find my sea legs really. But in the mean time I feel like the most useless creature on earth right now.

Dee74

Hi LB

I dunno about anyone else but it took me about a year to sort out the mess of my life and to get some idea of who I was - and that was a year without any relapses to add to the mix.

Relapses always sent me back to square one.

sounds to me like you're actually doing pretty darn good for a couple of months of solid recovery

keep working at it and you'll see things will get better

D

paul99

Like Dee said, it takes time to get things sorted. I was a zombie the first two or three months, no work, etc. I got a job about 4 months in, didn't move back home until 6 months in and didn't really feel settled until at least 7-8 months. It certainly sounds like you're doing what you need to do, money wise. As long as you're sober, it sounds like you're earning something...that's more than many of us did when we got out of treatment.

Focus on sobriety, don't be afraid to use your skills and abilities to take a better job. you're worth it.

sugarbear1

You don't yet have one year of continuous sobriety, so be gentle on yourself. Make that one year mark of continuous sobriety. That in itself IS a big deal! I know it was to me. And at that one year mark, I felt as if I were just beginning my sobriety. Much more to learn. Yep! Much more to learn today.

Ask those agencies and search for more (social services or something near you) to find out if anyone can give you budgeting advice/classes.

Budgeting is a skill. I wasn't taught that in school and had minimal teaching by my parents....I did look for and have learned from an agency near me. It has made a world of difference in my life. I am currently surviving on a low budget, so I know it can be done!

Hugs,
~SB

Grymt

Hmmm.. a slightly different perspective based on personal experience. I don't mean it to sound harsh. Attitude : " crappy, little minimum wage jobs." : when I was doing my geographicals and had the stamina to drink and work and got to a new place. I'd find somewhere to sleep and eat. I put on my steelcaps and overalls, packed my lunch and headed for the industrial area which I walked day after day, keeping me in the mind of potential employers. I got as job sweeping up swarf in a small metal joint, in a week I had another job that lasted 1 hour and because I stood my ground as having signed on in good faith and I was entitled to (the foreman had employed me without telling his suervisor who had other ideas) a weeks severance wages. Best hourly rate I've ever had.(hilarious) Then on to another metal shop which was really easy and terribly boring. A few weeks there and I was in training as a toolsetter at GMH and earning trade rates in a couple of months. I just went where life took me. The first job was just as important as any of the others as doing well and right in one enabled a ladder climb to the next. I've dug ditches, programmed machinery, gardening, farm work, fixed computers, delivered mail. Who cares.
If you do what you do right, you'll be right.
BTW this impression I had that I could drink while doing all this eventually made it all fall apart. It was just pure luck that all I got out of it was a blacklist by GMH. They will never, ever, anywhere, employ me again. Which is fine. F em.
So, what's my point. Maybe: you're not useless if you do it right.
Keep a smile on your face as you smash the crap.

Grymt

add : it was about a year later I first went to AA. Now 30 odd years later I'm learning stuff about budgeting. I suppose better late than never. or should that be better early than late. Anyway. I'm not sure I get exactly what your problem is. That's just me, I'm a slow study.

Nevertheless

I really don't think alcohol has that much to do with making money.
I went to work with hangovers everyday that would put normal people flat on their back. And I was making pretty darn good money doing it. I quit drinking right when the economy went to crap. And now that I am sober I am making considerable less money working at a place I don't like. I was always able to do my job extremely well,extremely hungover. But I never drank before I went to work.
Times are very rough for a lot of people right now whether they drink or not.
Maybe you should try making a gratitude list. At least you have a roof over your head,and a family. Don't taker your folks for granted. They might be a pain at times. But they have to let off steam also.
Hang in there. And keep in mind that drinking won't solve a thing.
Fred

SDSurfn

At the risk of stepping out of line, maybe try changing your screen name?

Life is a precious gift.

Swampfox1963

I have been trying to quit drinking. About 3 weeks ago I had drank a pint of
vodka the night before and a pint the next morning. Later that afternoon I felt
sober and drove to McDonalds and got a meal. Coming back as I was approaching my driveway I saw a deer run across my yard. I was already turning
and overshot my driveway and landed in the ditch. Immediately I was besieged
by nosy neighbors who could tell I was still drunk. I radioed my bro-in-law and
he sent my nephew around with a friend who had a souped up Diesel. Both of
my back tires were about 3 feet of the ground. My truck was pulled out with a
busted fog light being the only damage. I let my nephew drive me to the garage.
I was scared someone would call the police and if they showed up I might have
gotten a DUI. I go on in the house and the phone rings. It was the Sheriff. We
are good friends but he wanted to know if I had been drinking...I told him I had
earlier in the day. Very embarrassing. I am using this experience to try to go
sober.

AcceptingChange

Ugh, you seem lost in a raging windstorm of thinking & emotions.
You're worried others judging you ("they just expect me..."). And you say that you're getting "crappy little jobs". Those are judgements, and they are the real source of your mental agony.

Imagine someone else in your exact situation, who wasn't afflicted by such negative thoughts. Instead, he felt good about the fact that he was finding a path out of the dungeon of addiction, and that he valued that accomplishment above everything else. He didn't compare himself to others. Because he knows that the people he compares himself to have learned how to wear a mask, a mask of confidence, a mask to appear completely in control when others are watching. Because often these people are vampires, blood-sucking confidence stealers, who want you to lose confidence, so they can compare themselves to you, and feel better about themselves. Since their little selves live by comparing themselves to others, they only know how to feel good by finding others that don't appear to be doing as good. Don't let them destroy your opinion of yourself.

It's very important that you accept where you are in life. You truly cannot do anything more. Our minds can always imagine something better, stronger, bigger, faster. That's a disease that can eat away at us each day.

The large panorama of human life is populated with many personalities. It was like that in 1850, in 1750, and in 1650. Just imagine that someone is like you in 1650, and they are doing their best to make their way in the world.
What does it matter now, in 2013, what they did and what others said of them?
Just concentrate on learning to live a new way, a way that makes you more happy. You've tried the old way, and it led to addiction and self-loathing. So now it's time to try something new. And it will take time to learn this new way of living. But if you stick with it, in a couple years, you'll be better at it.

And for me i've found that sobriety hasn't removed aspects of self-loathing. But i don't try to shut that voice out with chemicals anymore. I just try my best to struggle through it's constant nagging negativity. That inner voice is there for me, it's there for you, it's there for most of us. That's the struggle i deal with, dealing with that nagging negative voice, that voice that constantly condemns me as not good enough.
None of us are ever good enough to please that voice. So try your best to ignore it in a healthy way, because it's never happy, so there isn't a point in listening to it, just learn to ignore it, and make your way in the world. Trying to be constantly happy is what got us addicts in this mess in the first place.

Peace to you friend.

Boleo

Sounds like your life is "unmanageable". That is why a program can not be done in 1 simple step. Not-drinking is just the base of the mountain when it comes to recovery. Learning a whole new way to live is rest of the climb.

If your are a alcoholic of the hopeless variety? (like I am). Your old coping and management tools are permanently broken. You need a new toolkit of principles to live by. You need a mentor. You need a program of action.