My journey's ups and downs
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
My journey's ups and downs
Hi
I started on the road to recovery three weeks ago, when I woke up one morning and decided I'd had enough of alcohol's negative effects on my life. I was feeling good a couple weeks into my dry spell. I felt more engaged with my kids and husband, felt relaxed and connected through out the day, and felt like i had more time to myself. I regained a sense of optimism and hope that I hadn't realized I lost. I decided to give moderate drinking a try. It turned out similarly to so many of the stories you all have shared on here - one glass of red wine and all of a sudden I was tuned out, drinking fast, passed out, and trying to piece together the night before the next morning. I was rolling in the other direction when my kids jumped into my bed the next morning.
I hated it. The interesting thing is, it wasn't that bad of a morning. I had what was a pretty regular night of drinking. That night, I decided to drink again. Same thing - tuned out, drinking fast, passed out, piecing together the morning, etc. I hated it again. A better life lies in making a different choice. Tonight I drank seltzer, but this time it wasn't to avoid the discomfort of a hangover or avoiding the embarrassment of piecing together that I acted foolishly the night before or avoiding my husband's disapproval.... Tonight I "chose" seltzer because I chose my own well being.
I'm not angry with myself for drinking again. I figure its part of the journey. Who knows what will motivate me tomorrow, or where I will be on my journey. i can tell you that the exhaustion I feel from drinking just two days may ve motivation to ignore that voice inside my head next time it tells me to settle in with a bottle of wine.
I started on the road to recovery three weeks ago, when I woke up one morning and decided I'd had enough of alcohol's negative effects on my life. I was feeling good a couple weeks into my dry spell. I felt more engaged with my kids and husband, felt relaxed and connected through out the day, and felt like i had more time to myself. I regained a sense of optimism and hope that I hadn't realized I lost. I decided to give moderate drinking a try. It turned out similarly to so many of the stories you all have shared on here - one glass of red wine and all of a sudden I was tuned out, drinking fast, passed out, and trying to piece together the night before the next morning. I was rolling in the other direction when my kids jumped into my bed the next morning.
I hated it. The interesting thing is, it wasn't that bad of a morning. I had what was a pretty regular night of drinking. That night, I decided to drink again. Same thing - tuned out, drinking fast, passed out, piecing together the morning, etc. I hated it again. A better life lies in making a different choice. Tonight I drank seltzer, but this time it wasn't to avoid the discomfort of a hangover or avoiding the embarrassment of piecing together that I acted foolishly the night before or avoiding my husband's disapproval.... Tonight I "chose" seltzer because I chose my own well being.
I'm not angry with myself for drinking again. I figure its part of the journey. Who knows what will motivate me tomorrow, or where I will be on my journey. i can tell you that the exhaustion I feel from drinking just two days may ve motivation to ignore that voice inside my head next time it tells me to settle in with a bottle of wine.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
I can relate, gleefan. Each time I drink, I am reminded - the next day- of why I don't drink. The exhaustion, guilt, fuzzy thinking, and lack of enthusiam for life that alcohol brings me the next day is just what motivates me NOT to drink now. As a mother, like you, I drink at home and am lucky that nothing catastrophic in my life has occurred from drinking. But, I consider myself lucky and my luck will most certainly run out eventually.
Good for you for not beating yourself up, there really is no point to that. What's done is done, learn from it and move on.
Good for you for not beating yourself up, there really is no point to that. What's done is done, learn from it and move on.
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