I know I am here for some reason
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 23
I know I am here for some reason
I posted this in newcomers to recovery but I really need/want help /advise from anyone
I joined SR less than a year ago...I have not been on here regularly because when I am drinking I feel bad and avoid it...SR is a wonderful/truthful/terrifying mirror to my lies/life.
In the last 8 months I have a great 3 almost 4 month stretch of sobriety. I did try AA..it was just o.k for me. i have tried RR/AVRT and I like it a bit more. I FEEL better about it...does that make sense?
I have struggled with alcohol, I realize now, for nearly 8-10 years. I have only called myself a alcoholic in the last year. And I mean "call myself" like I beat myself up in my mind..almost like I am calling myself a "bad" name. Sometimes It actually feels better to say it out loud than to hear it in my head. I drank for the first time maybe in jr high. Had a few sips and it was a huge deal..got drunk in high school several times. Catholic School for 12 years (I also have major conflicts with faith/religion) my dad was a teacher at my high school so I kept my nose clean, so to speak. Didn't do pot till college. Was pretty well in control till my mid-late 20's. now I am 35 and I am a huge once healthy hot ass mess.
I married a wonderful man he loves me more than I love him and that is because I don't even love myself. I am afraid he will realize that one day..
I am raw and scared and want to quit for real. I come to SR and admire the strength and raw emotion you all share and want to say thank you..I have not stayed sober but because of this site I WANT TO
I joined SR less than a year ago...I have not been on here regularly because when I am drinking I feel bad and avoid it...SR is a wonderful/truthful/terrifying mirror to my lies/life.
In the last 8 months I have a great 3 almost 4 month stretch of sobriety. I did try AA..it was just o.k for me. i have tried RR/AVRT and I like it a bit more. I FEEL better about it...does that make sense?
I have struggled with alcohol, I realize now, for nearly 8-10 years. I have only called myself a alcoholic in the last year. And I mean "call myself" like I beat myself up in my mind..almost like I am calling myself a "bad" name. Sometimes It actually feels better to say it out loud than to hear it in my head. I drank for the first time maybe in jr high. Had a few sips and it was a huge deal..got drunk in high school several times. Catholic School for 12 years (I also have major conflicts with faith/religion) my dad was a teacher at my high school so I kept my nose clean, so to speak. Didn't do pot till college. Was pretty well in control till my mid-late 20's. now I am 35 and I am a huge once healthy hot ass mess.
I married a wonderful man he loves me more than I love him and that is because I don't even love myself. I am afraid he will realize that one day..
I am raw and scared and want to quit for real. I come to SR and admire the strength and raw emotion you all share and want to say thank you..I have not stayed sober but because of this site I WANT TO
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
I think it all boils down to wanting to quit more than keep on drinking.
I,myself knew I had a drinking problem before i was legal age,but I was almost 50 before I stopped. I had a few stretches over the years that lasted a few months. And during those stretches I still wanted to drink. I knew it was ruining my life, I knew it wasn't healthy. But I still wanted to drink.
I think the difference between now (4 years sober) and those few month stretches. Is I was just fed up with it. I had had enough.
Getting drunk became like a prison,and I finally wanted out. And all I had to do to be set free was not pick up the first drink. It is mind boggling how something sooo simple is sooooo freakin difficult. But I finally made it. I am free from it.
I hope you too can somehow choose freedom. It damn sure ain't easy,but it is sooooo worth it.
I wish you the best..
Fred
I,myself knew I had a drinking problem before i was legal age,but I was almost 50 before I stopped. I had a few stretches over the years that lasted a few months. And during those stretches I still wanted to drink. I knew it was ruining my life, I knew it wasn't healthy. But I still wanted to drink.
I think the difference between now (4 years sober) and those few month stretches. Is I was just fed up with it. I had had enough.
Getting drunk became like a prison,and I finally wanted out. And all I had to do to be set free was not pick up the first drink. It is mind boggling how something sooo simple is sooooo freakin difficult. But I finally made it. I am free from it.
I hope you too can somehow choose freedom. It damn sure ain't easy,but it is sooooo worth it.
I wish you the best..
Fred
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 429
Wow you are very open and honest. That really is "a leap of Faith" I know you talked about struggles & major conflicts with faith/religion. But think about it, you trusted yourself and for all you know as strangers, and fellow addicts. People that you are unsure if you will be judged, or realize you may fit right in.
You started to share your story & you put in writing that you have a problem with alcohol.
Lets just start with "welcome back" & I hope you stay :ghug3
You started to share your story & you put in writing that you have a problem with alcohol.
Lets just start with "welcome back" & I hope you stay :ghug3
I feel a bit better today..last night I became flooded with emotion and needed a outlet
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