Pataphor

It does help, I know it does. I did this before and was working the steps and had a sponser (it didn't work out with us). I quit then because I felt so pushed.
I can deal with substituting my own "god as I understand him" i can mutter the serenity prayer. I can even hold hands but thats really really hard.
I still leave quick...Im afraid someone will want to talk to me.
I just would like to go to meetings and feel part of the fellowship and when or if I feel I need more then that to stay sober then I can reach out then?"
Its only day 16 but feeling better stronger want a little support but I don't want to be steamrolled our rushed?

sugarbear1

Yes!

We're all fearful in meetings, especially in the beginning.

Although I'd try to talk to some people. If you can, imagine you are talking to some of us and just imagine a computer screen around their face..... Get some phone numbers and call people. Start using the tools you can in case you are having a bad or good day and want to share it with someone!

It's your recovery! Enjoy the journey!!

2granddaughters

The way you will feel at home and accepted at the meetings is by attending the meetings regularly. It goes right against our grain but it is the answer.

Usually the stuff that works in AA in the beginning will scare the hell out of you and/or hurt like hell.

Get a sponsor and stick with them. They will protect you from pushers like a mother hen.

All the best.

Bob R

Adillac

You don't have to be anything for anybody. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking.

MIRecovery

Going to meetings is just fine until you feel comfortable but recovery is about change. Isolation is our biggest enemy and getting to know people builds a network of people you can lean on when things get tough and if nothing else there is just the social aspect.

I will say this unless someone is my sponsee I do not push anyone to do anything other than go to meetings. Before and after meetings we just shoot the $hit sometimes stuff about AA most times not.

IMO working the steps needs to be done eventually. Go to enough meetings to find someone you feel comfortable with to be a sponsor. Look for someone that has been sober for a long time and is happy with life.

The big thing is just go. Maybe there are things you could do better but the important thing is to show up. There is nothing absolutely nothing that is more important in early sobriety than to go to meetings

bbthumper

You are of course welcome to just attend meetings. Especially if they are helpul for you.

My own experience has been that the greatest rewards I have received in sobriety have been the result of getting out of my comfort zone. I dont know anyone who felt comfortable getting a sponsor, working the steps, reaching out for help etc, but these things reap great rewards. Far greater than just attending the meetings it seems.

Best wishes to you!

Gal220

I think this is how a lot of people start out. Early recovery is difficult; I was a wreck at 16 days! Do what's working for you to keep you sober. If going to a meeting is helping, then do that. Like you said, you may want more later or you may not. The steps, sponsorship, service work, etc. will all be there for you if you want them. The people who have been in AA and worked the steps will suggest you do them, but that's only natural as it has worked for them and they want to help you. But the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

hamabi

If you have the choice between doing something that is really hard all the time and produces worthless results, and something else that is equally difficult but produces great results and additionally, gets easier as you go along...which would you believe to be the most rational choice between the two options?

Of course you can go to meetings, leave quickly and do and say nothing. You can do that as long as you want to. It's like going often to a BBQ party to watch others enjoying their food. You could starve doing that.

2granddaughters

Or being invited to a fine smörgåsbord and only having a carrot stick... then I would complain about the food.

All the best.

Bob R

Music

I was also uncomfortable at first. It's been said that when I started to drink, I stopped growing spiritually and emotionally. I believe that to be true. When I came to AA, I had all the social skills I needed to get along in bars, and pretty much anywhere there was booze 'cause all I needed was a drink or two and I didn't much care. To go some place without a drink in me where there were people I didn't know was intimidating. I had to pretty much learn from scratch, how to smile and introduce myself. I just knew people didn't like me, even before they met me.

I went to meetings every day(no kidding)and on weekends I pretty much camped out at a club where meetings were held every couple hours. I made some friends, went out for coffee and a sandwich, learned how to dance, went to AA outings and such. I think what helped the most though was following directions like getting a sponsor and working the steps. You stated you felt pushed. I felt encouraged! And, the payoff was after I had a sponsor and worked the steps, I really felt like I belonged to AA and in AA. I could actually talk about what I'd accomplished....you know, experience, strength and hope. Someone mentioned above that the only requirement was a desire to not drink. The truth is, that's the only requirement for AA membership. There are other requirements if I want to get sober. It's one thing to just be dry....and I'm not knocking "dry". Being dry often leads to being sober, but just being dry often leads to being drunk AGAIN. Sobriety is an entirely different animal and it takes work.

So, decide what you want and go for it. You sound like you want what AA has to offer, but in order to get what AA offers, there are steps to take as well as meetings to go to. Your choice! Your responsibility!

ru12

If meetings have value to you then go. I used to go early in my sobriety. I would leave when the hand-holding and the prayers started. I did like being in the company of people with a similar issue. There are nice people at the meetings I attended.

tomsteve

if yer like me, the feeling of being pushed is self induced and not reality.

you want to be a part of the fellowship. thats good. but what is fellowship?
fellowship:
The condition of sharing similar interests, ideals, or experiences.
The companionship of individuals in a congenial atmosphere and on equal terms.
A close association of friends or equals sharing similar interests.
Friendship; comradeship.

so how could i be part of a fellowship without communicating and getting involved?

if ya have a desire to stop drinking, then thats all ya need to attend.

Pataphor

So I went to a meeting today, after all the encouragement. one of the reasons I dropped out was because my sponsorship was not working. We couldn't agree to disagree. I live in a large city...I have not been to AA in 7 years...I went to a different meeting place and time.
My old Sponsor came in and sat right next to me...and shared in the group "what a miracle it was to see someone from so long ago come back". I start to cry out of shame, anger,the impossibility of it. Im still crying...she had to leave early and turns to me and mouths to call her.
I feel hurt.
I feel found out.
I looked crazy.
I am still mad at her.
I dont know now..

Gal220

I'm so sorry you were embarrassed. Maybe she really was glad to see you. This is one of the reasons why I don't like cross talk, but it happens to my husband all the time. He was in and out of AA for over ten years before he finally was able to get some sobriety (now 5 years). People still talk about how good it is to see he is back and sober. They truly mean it. It's a breath of fresh air when people get sober amidst the countless people who come in and go back out, perhaps never to return.

Even if she wasn't truly glad to see you, even if she was just being snarky and superior, it doesn't have to effect your sobriety. You don't have to call her or even talk to her. I've learned today that my sobriety doesn't depend on any other person. Also, snarky and superior people exist everywhere, not just in AA. So I have to decide if the fellowship and the principles of the program outweigh the discomfort I might feel around specific people.

Gal220

Sorry for the double post, I hit enter too soon.

Also, 4th-5th step stuff is awesome for dealing with "I'm still mad at ____", so I know you're reticent about working the steps, but it just might be worth it.

sugarbear1

Our higher power works in mysterious ways.....there's a lesson in this somewhere.....

Pataphor

thanks Gal for your kind words...your points are well taken.

I feel I got the wind kicked out of the forward motion of my recovery.

I'm going to the gym - I hope it helps because now I'm depressed - my moods are still swinging in the breeze.

SB - is at least somewhere to go...there always seems to be someone reaching out to help.

gratitude here.

Pataphor

care to elaborate sugarbear?

Threshold

If it keeps you sober, and it's harming no one. Do it.

we can philosophize ourselves to death.

TheEnd

Yeah sure, when I was going to meetings, my partner who also stopped drinking would also he go. He never declared himself an alcoholic, read the BB, worked the steps or shared in a meeting, but enjoyed going to the meetings. Do whatever works for you.

I also knew another guy who did the same thing in NA and had a 1yr sober. Not sure what happened to him, but I know my partner is still not drinking almost 2yrs later.


Good Luck!