TSDD

I found out that people, places, and things weren't my problem. My problem is a physiological reaction that happens to me when I pour alcohol into my body.

I have discovered that I don't have to drink no matter what happens, who I'm with or not with, where I live, where I travel, job or no job, romance or none, they're all excuses and all 100% grade A ********. I learned that primarily by watching other men and women NOT DRINK under all conceiveable conditions and actually not drinking myself when I wanted to, even not drinking when I thought I had to.

I couldn't immagine making my sobriety conditional on everything else in the world or my personal contentment. If everything (including me) had to be perfect every day to hold together sobriety that would be utterly worthless for me. Mine is secure even on the bad days provided I simply don't take the first drink.

LittleNina

TSDD, I am an expert at rationalizing/ excuses!! You are right; it's all a big stinking pile of BS!

I am really starting to 'get' that physiological reaction thing. I am embarrassed to say that I was among those who thought this was a character flaw, a weakness, rather than a disease. I am a reasonably intelligent, well-educated gal, and a scientist, but I really never understood that.

Simple cure = don't drink. Got it.

Jmacd

At home was the only place I didn't like to drink. Even though I am single. Trouble was, I was always out being Mr. Social. My biggest challenge right now is PPT. I have to force myself to never let my guard down. Always be vigilant. Let me tell you, it's not easy, but I'm still in the fight.

LatteLady

Another at home drinker. I was always so proud I never drank and drove. Duh.
Had a psychological crash and went to see my Dr. that very morning. She bumped her later app'ts back and just sat and listened to me. Tweaked my anti-depressants, also my diabetes med and said I had to face a few facts re alcohol.
Somehow, what she said got through. I was in a mtg the next morning. Literally at the crack of dawn. I had stayed up late locating one very near to me, one which was very early.
Took me a couple of meetings to adjust to the fact that yes, I am an alcoholic. But, I am.
Wrote my munchkins (they live and work on the other side of this state). I tell them about my mtgs and how I am feeling.
I also, after the second meeting, made a point to go a little earlier to meet people and visit with them. Ditto after the mtgs.
Found a great home meeting, and a coterie of women sit together and knit. All of us, will stop knitting when a particular subject resonates with us.
Still new at this. So far, mind is clear, feel on top of the world, and have a few plans in place in case alcohol whispers seductively to me again. 24 hours at a time. But, isn't that how Rome was built?

Flyin2BFree

As I was reading this thread I was so enthralled. I too "DRANK" <--nice right! at home.

This admitting alcoholism is a little tricky. I am just coming off a 4 month binge, and I believe alot of that was fueled by me admitting my powerlessness, and that I had a disease. SO- I then feel like I don't have a choice.

But- I am so tired. so so tired. starting at 8 am, I drank a 5th of whiskey and who knows how many beers yesterday, on the coach watching Moonshiners marathon.... BECUZ I am an alkie.

But, and my gawd, it is 12:03 pm and I haven't had a drink today.

Being a sober alcoholic is the only way to go. Taking step one and two, without 3 is dangerous. I don't know that I have ever really taken a step 3.

anyhow, I have hijacked and rambled.
sorry
Todd

freshstart57

Hi, LittleNina, there is more than one way to skin this cat, and I want to give you my opinion based on my experience. I refused to accept the disease theory in my case, nor did I attach my success in getting and staying sober to some idea that I couldn't do it and I was destined to fail at it. The concept that I needed confession and prayer to some Powerful Entity of My Own Design to stay sober was never going to work for me either.

After years of drinking every day, and then all day, I finally took responsibility for my drinking behavior. I also took responsibility for my sobriety, and decided that if I could choose to drink, I could choose not to drink. Addiction is an internal struggle between conflicting desires, and I decided to encourage and empower my sober self by deciding that I could indeed quit drinking.

I did quit, LittleNina, and it was a long time ago now. You can do the same thing because you have that ability within yourself, just as I do. It is up to you. Are you ready to make a plan about continuing to use alcohol?

LittleNina

My plan is to never take that first drink.

That's the one that gets me into trouble; not the 10th drink or the 20th drink, but the first one.

ashbyee

Little Nina,
I was an at home alone, not alone drinker. Very, very hard to overcome when it takes so little effort to drink and no effort to hide it.
I am 134 days sober and it is truly a miracle. How I did it- I literally threw myself into SR and AVRT. I read everything I could. I read every thread, I ordered books, I took the AVRT crash course on line- NOTHING was going to stand in my way. I had enough. That bloat, headache, wanting to just die feeling HAD TO GO AWAY. You can do this. Pull yourself up, start reading and stay on SR. I am pulling for you.
Ash

Dee74

I think you're looking at this in a passive way, which I think can ultimately be self defeating.

I'm not in AA, but the way I see it is...I can concede I'm powerless over the effect alcohol has on me after I drink...but I'm not powerless to do something about my situation to avoid that.

That's what recovery is all about to me - making healthy choices.

None of us are victims, none of us are leaves being carried helplessly down the gutter.

Build up a sober support network Nina...have a strategy for when the cravings hit...have numbers to call, be ready to jump on SR in the forums, chat or blogs.

You decided to drink...you can decide not to as well

D

hypochondriac

I was just like you Nina. I had no idea how I was going to make changes when I drank alone at home. I couldn't avoid being there. And it wasn't like I was going to move people in just so I wasn't alone.

A few things that helped me... I spent every spare minute I had at home here. It's hard to drink when you're constantly reading about how not too.

I did change my routine. I went shopping at different supermarkets, ate different foods, read different things. Even stupid things like changing my hair and my cloths went some way to marking a change of habits.

Above all I looked into recovery literature. 'People, places, things' is just a minor part of this. Reading here I came across so many people in different situations, all difficult in their way. Some people lived with active alcoholic partners, now that made me grateful for my lonely house. But learning about recovery is applicable to everyone, whatever your situation.

Not to be twee, but if I can do this, so can you x

LadyinBC

And the good thing is that you recognize this. Before I sobered up it was never my fault I drank, always was someone or something elses. I think realizing that it is a choice is a good step.