LittleNina

People: I drink alone. Nobody even knows how much I drink.

Places: I drink at home.

Things: I drink when I'm happy and when I'm depressed. On a great day or on a horrible day.

How do I avoid these 'people, places and things'?

Back to day 1...

Dee74

I was an at home drinker too.
Support helped me a lot.


The thing I found with being an at home drinker is you very easily get lost in your own head, in your own thoughts and your own troubles.

You can change the people aspect by bringing in other folks.

An outside perspective can be really helpful.

It can be as simple as using SR when you feel like drinking for example - you may find the feedback and support you get can change the outcome ....I certainly found it did

You can change the places aspect too by getting out of your house.

There's other real life supports like recovery groups, and counselling...are you open to any of those?

Volunteering was a good way for me to get out of my own head too...I found a little meaning and a sense of purpose back in my life made it a lot harder for me to drink.

If you want changes, Nina, you need to make changes I think - changes, even little ones like these, can help the things aspect too...add more tools to your life and our reliance on alcohol as a universal problem solver will lessen

Noone is beyond hope.

Just think about what you need to add to make his happen, LittleNina

D

ttbp

I was a home drinker too, mostly alone.

There is always hope. Hugs xx

LittleNina

Thanks Dee and ttbp.

I had about 12 or 13 days sober. Got through my first weekend sober (the first weekend I was still detoxing) by going to my first ever AA meeting. In fact, I ended up going to FOUR meetings this weekend!

And, I was feeling pretty good.

Then I just decided to drink. I just wanted to. Bought myself a bottle of wine, tucked in on the couch with my lil dog and a movie, and felt happy. When that bottle was gone, I went out and bought another bottle. Got through about half of that one before passing out.

When I woke up, I was so confused. Saw that it was about 2am, and seriously took a few minutes to figure out what day it was. Didn't see my pup and immediately panicked, fearing I'd accidentally left her outside (it was cold and she's tiny).

Today, of course, I feel awful. Hungover and so mad at myself.

The thought of being powerless, and having a disease, is just so incredibly depressing......

LadyinBC

I was a home drinker and by myself drinker.

Try to focus on the 12 days you were sober. Don't beat yourself up too much. We can't learn how to do this unless we make a few mistakes along the way. I relapsed over and over again.

I had to change some things in my life so that I could remain sober. I moved in with my daughter and that has worked great so far. Too much time by myself is very bad for me. I think too much and before you know it I'm on the pity pot and drowning myself once again. Going to daytox also helped, it gave me some tools to help when I get cravings.

mfanch

I drank because I was, well, AWAKE. Changing people, places, and things wasn't going to work for me.

I needed tools to enable me to be sober wherever I was. I am now safe and protected from alcohol, thanks to my program.

I would advise getting a program that sets you free from alcohol. Whatever program that turns out to be.

ZombieAttack

I too was an at home drinker.

You can quit.

tomsteve

i couldnt. i had to change me to leanr how to live sober.

LittleNina

I am willing to try ANY program, or take bits & pieces of every program; whatever works.

What's your program mfanch? (if you don't mind...)

I can literally FEEL my red, puffed up face. Disgusting. That was gone a few days ago, but it's back just like that.

Trying not to be too hard on myself, but the fact is, I CHOSE to drink

Being free and protected sounds really good, mfanch....

PaperDolls

I was an alone, at-home drinker for the most part too.

Personally, I had to force myself to get out of the house. I went to tons of AA meetings. I would make plans to meet people at meetings, that way it was more difficult for me to back out of it.

I moved into a sober living environment where I had some accountability and responsibilities. It was great being surrounded by women who were working toward the same goal as I was and dealing with the same struggles and crazy thinking.

I'm certain it's what I needed to get and stay sober. Changed my life.

FinallyFinished

LittleNina, That sucks. I am sorry. I know how hard you worked towards stopping. It's just a little trip though, it sounds like you have your head back on. You can do it!

Did you change your diet back, or did you keep on eating clean? I started tracking my calories on one of those free apps, and it is SO much easier to stay focused on only ingesting things that are good for me in general and that keep me within my caloric goals than it is to JUST focus keeping alcohol out of me. It probably sounds nuts, but it keeps me focused on what I really want.

I was an alone at home drinker too, and I am never ever ever EVER going back. Stopping is really hard, but it's not impossible, and I don't want to go through it again.

Stay strong. You got this.
xo

LittleNina

FinallyFinished, I was actually wondering how you were doing!! It's nice to hear from you.

You may not be surprised to hear that I did indeed stray from my diet. I really do think that was key. Getting back on it!! Like NOW

paul99

Home drinker here too. Secretive too. Whether you drink in the basement or at a club, we drink for the effects of alcohol. We like the effects.

You said that you decided to drink. My take on this is that the alcoholism made that decision for you. We have lost the power of choice when it comes to alcohol. The ego likes to come up and say that we are still in charge. We are slaves to King Alcohol. We do it's bidding, unless we have a program of recovery to give us a defense against that first drink. Until then, we are denizens of alcohol's world.

I hope you go back to AA - find a sponsor and start working the steps. It worked for me, and I can be alone and not think about having to have a drink any more.

zjw

same here i was a home drinker. most people dont even know i had a problem. Part of my fear of going to AA was that it would 0 in on my drinking and well make me wanna hit the bar on the way home from AA. When I did finally go to AA I didnt have that problem. But i was scared so much focus on it would just make me crave it all the more. Quiting drinking was like death of a family member it was like loosing my left arm or something it was such a big part of my whole existance. You do get past it tho each day it gets easier. Just gotta pick yourselfup dust yourself off and move forward.

mfanch

For me, I thought I chose to drink, too, but I found out that I lost the power of choice in drink. I completely gave myself to AA and haven't looked back. I can actually live in my house (where I drank for years) and not even think about alcohol. A miracle indeed.

FinallyFinished

I had a hunch! I have been sticking to mine fiercely and i feel SO much better. It's crazy. Get back to it!

I'm feeling really good. Once I got my head wrapped around the NEVER EVER part, things started looking up. I write a lot. I write letters to strangers, letters to my kids, letters to myself. I read here a lot too, it helps me remember how I was feeling before I moved forward.

I'm in your corner! Do it! :ghug3

bbthumper

Sorry to hear about your struggle. I can relate. Basement drinker here. Seldom drank with others near the end.
What I had to come to realize was that people, places and things are not my problem. For me it was my internal condition that was the problem. I was so damned uncomfortable in my own skin that drinking seemed to be the only comfort I could find. It wasnt until I addressed my internal condition that my life got better and sobriety became possible.

Best wishes to you.

LittleNina

Thanks everyone.

I just did something I never thought I'd do. I admitted that I was an alcoholic. I mean, I told my aunt and I told my brother's girlfriend. I want some accountability I guess. No more hiding.

LittleNina

((hugs)) to you FF!!

Thank you

grandma12

LittleNina that is how I drank also, I mostly live alone, my Husband works out of town so only home on weekends. I really saw no reason not to drink it was just me, the only thing I always hated myself in the morning. Its so worth not drinking to face yourself in the morning. You cant go back but you can move foward, you will thank yourself later. I have 30 days today. huggs.