ZombieAttack

Quality!

Well, you will definitely be able to get back into that now you are on the road to recovery.

I have been stepping up my riding too, since cleaning up, so we are in the same boat.

How are you feeling today?

justanother1

Feeling good, anxiety is still problem, but physically I am fine. I feel some muscle pain from workout, but that's normal for my first week or two. Generally enjoying time at home with family. Tonight I have a reunion from high school, still not sure if I'll go though.

justanother1

Went to the high school reunion tonight, felt really weird.

Real close friends were ok, my exgirlfriend already knew about my past problems, but we didn't talk much.

Told one of my best friends, that I am going to cancel New Years skiing vacation which I planned for him and few other friends. He was very understanding, which calmed me and I am glad, that another person knows something more and is accepting it and is probably willing to help.

The rest was really weird, everyone was drinking and asking me "what's going on and telling me that I am very grumpy", probably because I used to be real party animal. I played some bowling, finished my 5th glass of water and went home.

All things considered it was fine, no real urges to have 5 beers and 5 gin & tonics and go to another pub for some more fun .) Made some plans with my close friends, which I am already looking forward to. Moving from that isolation is definitely step forward.

Going strong for day 14, really glad that I was able to be in this kind of enviroment and not relapse. Inittialy I thought it will take me at least few months. Looks like I am really determined this time and have support from some other friends, which is great.

See you guys, I will keep this updated.

btw. is it possible to change thread title?

justanother1

Day 18, feeling quite under the weather, but all in all I am fine. I decided to stay home for New Years Eve just to be sure, that I stay sober.

I have no real urges to drink. Only sometimes when I go to bed and all the thoughts start to spin in my head I think for a brief moment, that alcohol "numbness" would be nice. Fortunately combination of studying and working out all day exhaust me enough, that I fall asleep quickly Still I can sleep 4-6h max. so I am feeling little tired sometimes.

Thanks for the support guys!

ZombieAttack

Excellent work!

18 days is great. I was still way off 100% on day 18, so if you are anything like me, you are just going to have to ride it out.

Once again, great job on getting to day 18. Day 19 is tomorrow!!

justanother1

Slipped today... realised that its BS, but still...

EDIT - got month sober, but decided to get wasted... Let down myself, but I think it was just one time thing and I wont do this again...

Dee74

so what can you do differently this time just?

D

ZombieAttack

Start again immediately. Do not have a break from sobriety.

justanother1

I did... day 1 once again

justanother1

Threw up 3 times today... I feel terrible

Knudsen

Back up on the horse, you were doing fantastic! Your future is filled with all the possibilities in the world, if you continue the right path. The other one is filled with misery, misery, misery!! Keep us posted

justanother1

My head is messed up... did not drink though... thanks for support

AngelBabe

My best suggestion for you as someone who has been there and done that a dozen times before I finally quit is to not go cold turkey on your own. The of the six times I quit three I did alone and three with medical supervision. I found the only thing that worked for me was a Librium taper, will power, family support and A. A.

Why put yourself through withdrawal again then go to a dr.? Zolpidem is Ambien for sleep it is not used or prescribed for alcoholism. Dr's are leary of prescribing any type of benzodiazepine long term for alcoholics due not only because the addictive nature of the drug itself but also if you are on these meds and drink your body will feel as if you are not drunk so you will drink even more to compensate and could very well end up like I did 15 months ago in the ER with a bac of .443.

Trust me the more times you try and detox the worse they get. As I said it took me a year to get that through my head and also for me to realize I could not due it alone. Good luck to you. Go back to the dr. Be honest and get detoxed properly.

justanother1

I did worked with doctor. Got sick once again. I am aware of kindling affect and I did consult that. Unfortunately I am sick enough, that I drank again.

AngelBabe

I think each and everyone of us has been there too. The one thing I learned is that for me if I continued to drink I was going to die. I didn't have trouble with the law, friends etc. I was a happy life of the party drunk. Then it got to where I had to drink to function and then I had to drink not to be sick and finally I had to drink but was still sick anyway. It was a vicious cycle that I had to break. I did read about you going to the dr. I just think you should do that first before you suffer for three days. Hopefully if you just slipped one night that after a day or two passes you will be back on your path. Many go cold turkey out of fear and shame. After experiencing it myself I will take fear and shame over wrenching my guts, sleepless nights, inability to eat, shaking, sweating and all those other unpleasant things that go with it.

justanother1

Thank you clean again... I went through all that. Had to drink to be able to work and had to drink in the morning to get out of the bed. How long have you been sober?

Adillac

What u think is liver pain, isn't. Your liver is fine at 25 regardless of your history. You are very aware of your situation, even hyper-aware which in a way is good. I used to overthink it to, and still do sometimes. I couldn't get through college and drink the way I was going or the way you're going by the sound of it. You are administering yourself benzodiazepams to handle withdrawal?? Wow, kudos. Have you tried just smoking pot instead of drinking? It might buy you a little more time before you really can't drink successfully. rofl...I'm only kidding (am I?).

Talk to someone who is sober and looks happy (in person). See what they think.

AngelBabe

89 days as of today. I had tried for a year though but never made it more than 60 days at a time and the first time I was on Librium high dose to taper for 5 months. So obviously from that you can tell that I ended up drinking while on the Librium. Honestly this time I think I have made it work because 1. Those around me were at the end of their rope with me. 2. My birthday was October 20th and someone seriously screwed me over that day. 3. I was at the point of desperation. I cold stop for a few weeks go back for a week etc. in the end the time it took to become ill again kept getting shorter and shorter. It was do or die time.

I went to AA this time and I find that it makes me keep myself accountable to me. Everyones stories have moved me and honestly I look forward to these one hour breaks in life a few times a week. Fr the most part everyone there is a version of you. There is no shame given just understanding support and sharing. I hope you find what woks best for you. Just focus on today not tomorrow and not yesterday as you cannot change the past or predict the future. Learn to live in the moment.

justanother1

Librium (or any equivalent) was not prescribed to me "being too strong"... used some lighter benzos... got through some terrible withdrawals though... AA is not working for me because 90% of time it is about religion. I have nothing against religious people, but in my hometown its solely connected to churches / nurses lead the meetings / you have to embrace God etc. Sorry to anyone who believes