immri

Hi
I'm not new but back again after a long time
i'm a 22 year old female

on wednesday after a way bigger than normal 5 day binge morning until night(and sometimes all through the night without sleep) one of the days i shared a pill with a friend too. wednesday i ended up in hospital. before that i was drinking on and off, think i had nearly a week of no/very little alcohol
anyway on wednesday i called and ambulance on myself around 3pm after not sleeping and drinking a 1 litre bottle of vodka after finishing a cask of wine with 30 standards and a bunch of beer in the two days before
don't really remember why i called and ambulance since hospitals terrify me, but glad i did
blood alcohol was .46 and i weigh 50kg apparently (we don't have scales in my house)
did tests for a heart condition because my heart always goes crazy, but they didn't find anything. also had a ct scan because they thought it then might be a clot on my lung, but no its just a small nodule.
they let me out around midnight that night though they strongly advised i should stay i just wanted to go to bed and didn't want to talk to the drug and alcohol people
yesterday i was shaky and feeling yuck but took valium all day which i already had at home

by last night i could function mostly like normal but really tired by 6pm.
fell asleep and woke up in the middle of the night sweaty and shaking and took another valium

today i can function like normal if i really try to fake it, but i'm sooooo exhausted and my head is a giant fog and i'm really anxious for no reason

anyway i guess the point was i wanted to tell someone what was going on, and also today I've really been considering having a drink. i only have 2 1.7 stnd scotch and coke premix cans here and can't get to the shops so i know i won't get drunk, i just want to get rid of this feeling

i don't know, thanks for listening. sorry if this is a bit jumbled my head is just making it impossible to think, its like cotton wool.

Thepatman

Glad you posted. The human body is extremelly capable of abuse, untill it gives.

I hope you can read your post and quantity of substances if contains when you are sober for a couple of weeks. You are young, I hope you can find inspiration to maintain sobriety and avoid permanent damage.

Blessings

Spirit08

that's the insanity of alcohol - after all of that - you consider drinking. get to an aa meeting

Mulch

Scary stuff. Glad you made it through so far. I'm sure you're grateful for that. I had a hospital stay a couple of years back myself. Oh, what we put ourselves through to feed the beast.

Hope you're eating and getting lots of fluids, vitamins, etc. ... anything to help your body and mind heal. Do you have any plans from today, forward? Doctor, counselling, AA, or other support? .. Concentrate on making a plan for a good life. At 22, you have everything ahead of you ... so many options! ... I hope you use every resource available to you to get/stay sober and be happy!

Best wishes. Hold on tight and keep posting. ((hugs))

Sudz No More

I hope you changed your mind about that Scotch. You really need to let your body heal after such a dangerous bender.

immri

thanks so much for your replies, it helps SO much to even hear from someone when feeling this isolated and alone
i didn't drink the scotch. i still want to but not in the same way. now i just want a drink because i like to drink, before i felt like i really needed to
i feel a bit better physically though, had a little food and juice and lots of water with hydration fizzy things
not as exhausted but lightheaded/dizzy when stand
wishing i wasn't such a moron

no plans, though was given a drug and alcohol support card from the hospital...
thinking about calling after my partner comes over in a few hours. can't decide

Elisabeth888

I am glad you are okay!

Pour that scotch out! The only way you are going to feel better is to get all that poison out of you. It is going to be rough, but you can do it. Reach out to the drug and alcohol people that you didn't want to talk to. Keep posting here.

I totally identify with the anxiety. Alcohol CAUSES it, it doesn't prevent it. That feeling that you are going to jump out of your skin does pass, I promise.

You aren't a moron. I called an ambulance on myself too.

heresobernow

immri, i hope you'll think about making that phone call. post on this forum while you think it over. food and water are good - have more when you are hungry and thirsty. take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.

immri

Hi guys thanks for the replies
Feeling a bit better physically
Ate a huge chicken salad sandwich and took just 1/3 Valium plus lots of water
Just tired now
Haven't called the alcohol thing but haven't drank either
I looked up AA meetings too, the closest to me is a 30 min drive and I don't drive..ahh

heath480

Sorry you are struggling.

A good idea would be to throw any Alcohol in the house out.


If you call your local AA helpline they may be able to sort you out a lift to a meeting.

Jaded1999

Congrats on recognizing you have a problem @ 22 and also posting. I'm 31 and I too have called an ambulance on myself after a massive bender and blew .4 something, the sad thing is I could still talk normally my tolerance was that high.

I'm struggling myself atm (It's Friday night and HOT!!), I come here to read stuff like this it keeps me motivated not to pick up a drink!!

Good Luck

immri

I tried to throw it away but I couldn't. It's there for 'just in case'
So bad I know, such flawed thinking

And oh I totally relate there I was still able to lock up and walk out of my house and call and text friends who said I sounded pretty normal.
I'm sorry you're struggling too, I hope you can keep away from it, definitely not worth it trust me!!!

paul99

I blew lethal levels on my second to last drunk. I too was "normal" sounding, no stumbling around, etc. But don't be fooled - you and I should be dead, frankly. But yes, our bodies can absorb a lot and take a lot. It's scary at times.

Your "flawed" thinking is the obsession of the mind. Even after such a frightening bender and hospital visit, your mind still holds onto the fact that you might "need" the booze for later. That's the insanity of our thinking - that doing the same thing over and over again will yield a different result. I tried that for 25 years. Things just got worse.

Heal yourself. Get yourself into a program of recovery. AA saved my bacon.

2granddaughters

If you heard they were giving away free booze and Valium 30 mins away you would get there easy and often.

AA is giving away free sobriety, sanity and serenity. I'd make the effort.

All the best.

Bob R

Spirit08

They will come and pick you up. call intergroup

immri

Haven't drank but haven't called either
Finally feeling physically better but so close to drinking tonight
Nearing midnight here, I want that vodka under my bed so bad
I'm surprised at myself, I really thought I scared myself straight when the dr told me half of the people bought in my condition died
Apparently not scared enough for this idiot, I always think oh it's just an exaggeration
Thanks for listening, good distraction at least

paul99

We alcoholics don't "scare straight". I used to read up on all the things alcohol does to the body, heard the horror stories, read the obits...and still drank with impunity. It's the nature of the beast.

The poison under your bed does you no service.

wisteria

it seems to me you're very strong if you're able to avoid drinking with a bottle under your bed. Give yourself credit for that, and stay strong!

Mulch

If I had vodka under my bed, I'd probably drink it -- that's why I don't have vodka under my bed... lol ... Hope you got rid of yours too! If it's not there, you can't drink it, it can't tease and torment you, it can't try to pick a fight with you -- it can't control you at this moment if it's not there .... And you know you won't be bored to death and you know you won't go crazy if you go to bed sober .. (I only say that because I felt that way) ... And when you wake up the next morning, you'll feel proud .... and the more proud mornings you add together, the better about yourself you'll feel (my own experience).

Toss that booze! Toss it, I say!

immri

Well I threw away my wine and the scotch premixes but not the vodka, it was a 'just in case' sort of thing. Yesterday I drank that then called a taxi to take me to the bottle shop because I was too uncoordinated to walk and don't have a liscense anymore. Bought another bottle of vodka, drank that. Before yesterday I hadn't drank since hospital, longest I've gone without in ages