George669

Hi all!

Lurking for the past 5 days and decided to make the jump and register.

28 years old here and have been binge drinking for the past 8. What used to consist of getting a good buzz on my days off has progressed over the past 2 years to 20 hours worth of blackouts over the course of a Friday-Sunday and the good buzz being the other days of the week. I have been a functional alcoholic for the entire 8 years which to me justified it being "ok".

As of the past 2 years the whole functional part of it was becoming unsteady. I was struggling at work due to a permanent hangover state, I was lashing out in anger at my family and my other half. I put myself in many situations that either endangered myself, others or myself and others. It was only a matter of time before it all came crumbling down around me.

Woke up last Sunday after a bender which resulted in some stupid actions on my part towards my other half and finally said to myself enough is enough.

Anyhow - tomorrow will be my first A.A. meeting. Would have gone sooner but the beginners meeting is only on Saturday's for a place highly recommended to me by a friend who just celebrated 10 years sober last month. I know I could have gone to one of the other meetings but it was extremely intimidating when I just wanted to focus on myself for a few days.

The withdrawal has honestly not been too terrible and I am feeling better day by day.

The good:

- My energy level has increased drastically day by day.
- Night sweats/hot flashes are pretty much gone and my sleep quality is slowly improving.
- I am actually starting to think about what I want to do next (career and personal life wise) instead of how I am going to get my next drink.
- I don't think my skin/complexion has looked this good in years, I know my body is still working on cleaning itself up but it is amazing what it can do in less than a week.

The bad:

- Mood swings from hell.
- My sleep schedule is still all screwy - I used to drink myself to sleep.
- My digestive system is still all jacked up (as it has been for years now) - going to start working on this next week.
- Facing the fear of having to mend so many relationships.

So glad to have this wonderful site to have a resource and very much looking forward to going to my first meeting tomorrow. I am feeling really good so far but I know I have a very long road ahead of me.

Adam

Dee74

welcome to SR Adam - I know you'll find a lot of support here
Good to have you join us

D

ZombieAttack

Hey Adam.

I was where you were 8 days ago.

Thinking back, it seems a lifetime ago.

You are doing the right thing.

I like the methodical and analytical nature of your post; shows that your head is in the right place and you are doing this correctly.

Your good and bad points ring true with me on a lot of levels. Could have been reading about myself!

There may be times in the near future when you don't feel so positive, but that is fine, and to be expected. Stick with it, and check in with us if you need any help.

Fantastic that you are doing this.

Cheers.

awuh1

Good plan Adam. Don't worry too much about the repair work on relationships, at least for right now. Get sober, and be a bit selfish about it now. You need to focus on you. The rest will fall into place. All the best to you.

George669

Thank you for the kind words and support.

I am following your thread so I can see what to look forward to, makes it not feel like I am the only one trying to recover.

ZombieAttack

Ah nice one.

Yeah, between where you are and where I am there have been a few challenges; not really the stopping myself from drinking - that has only really happened once, and I managed it easily. The biggest problems I have are the lingering physical issues and the mental head spin that I have been left in.

It all seems to come in waves, and does appear to be getting slightly better with time though, so you don't have anything exactly worse to look forward to.

Recovery doesn't just take a couple of weeks though, I am realising now.

Please keep it up and please keep posting. If anything, the more threads like this where people document their recovery, the more help it could be to others.

Cheers

George669

Thank you!

I am going to try to get through the holidays before I start going down the list. This past week I have been recalling some of the things I have done to those closest to me and it is the inevitable of facing that. Will try to put it on the back of my mind for the near future until that time comes.

awuh1

The steps in the AA program will help you deal with the relationship troubles. That's farther ahead, in the later steps. Take the steps in order. Just don't do any more damage as you move forward. I look forward to hearing about the experience of your first meeting.

Kevah

Congrats on your decision to be sober! I had a very difficult time with the sleeping. It took me about 4 months to get to sleep at a decent time because I also drank myself to sleep for about 6 years. In those 4 months, I was more interested in just staying sober, so I really didn't work on any other things as far as health. I probably could have not taken as long to get back my sleep, but I can't change that now. lol Once I made myself get up at the same time everyday, and not take naps, it became a little easier. Some people wouldn't suggest it, but I used melatonin to get my sleep cycle back on the right schedule. I like what awuh1 said...be a bit selfish about your sobriety. If you aren't sober, you can't change the way you treat others anyway. Your change in self will be the beginning of the amends you will eventually make. Good luck and keep it up!

paul99

Welcome!

What you listed is par for course, I wouldn't worry about them, even the last one. I had mood swings for 3 months, but it evened out in that time. One second you want to hug the world, next you want to strangle them. The moods will pass as quickly as they come. Your sleep is also going to be all over the place as well. Many of us have insomnia - I was up for four days straight while in detox (at least I got lots of reading done - 3 novels worth). It's just your brain trying to rebound from all the chemically induced cross wiring. Avoid the temptation in using other chemicals (dope, sleeping pills, etc) to get to sleep. Your body needs to relearn how to get rest on it's own. And yeah, your gut is going to go on a rollercoaster ride too. I had to eat plain food for a while to settle my stomach.

Personal relationships.

Oh yeah, those.

awuh1 is absolutely right about getting yourself in order before tackling those. We all have relationships to repair, and it takes time. I needed time away from the family and marital home to do that. I worked the steps and attended meetings. In six months there was already a change in me, and in that time I took baby steps in repairing the main relationships in my life - wife, parents, etc. Later on I was able to make amends to the rest of those who I harmed in the past. But it doesn't happen overnight.

So focus on your recovery. Heal. Things will turn out in time.

good luck!

George669

Thanks everyone for the positive comments - it is truly helpful.

Going on day 8.

Went to my first meeting last night and it was nowhere near as intimidating as I lead myself to believe. I at first just wanted to observe but the group was so welcoming that after a good 30 minutes I opened up. I have two great sponsors now that reached out to me immediately and offered their help. I ended walking away with my 24 hour chip and I immediately went home and wrote my sobriety date on it and I am going to treat it like my wallet - never leaving home without it.

Physically I am feeling fantastic, probably the gallons upon gallons of green tea I have been drinking in place of alcohol. My sleep patterns are starting to trend in the right direction and my digestive tract is starting to mend.

My mind and emotions are still all over the place. Last night I had a dream that I drank myself into oblivion. I tend to wake up disoriented and it takes a good minute or two to separate dreams from reality, my first thought was "oh no, what have I done - I have to start over again". Then reality set in and it was the best feeling in the world to realize it was all a dream and I did not slip.

Looking forward to the next week!

awuh1

Really good to hear how you are doing. Things seem to be right on track. For most people the physical stuff tends to get better within the first few weeks. Sleep generally returns to ‘normal’ though drinking dreams are common in the beginning for many of us. The emotions are going to be a rollercoaster for much longer, but this generally gets slowly better with time.

The only thing I would caution you about is having two sponsors. What you decide to do with this however, is between you and them.

It’s good to hear that you went to that first meeting. Keep an open mind. I sense that you are fairly conscientious. This will serve you well. All the best to you. Keep us posted.

George669

**Update**

Finishing up day 17 today.

Physical Stuff

For the most part all the physical detox crap that I was going through have subsided drastically over the past week. I think my body is kicking in a detox round 2 though (skin breakouts, napping after work & dark urine) so we shall see what the next week will bring.

- Sleep schedule has normalized. First week an a half I was up until 3-4AM despite having to be awake by 8AM at the latest, now I am shutting it down between 11PM-1AM and getting up at 7AM with no issue. Drinking days it was almost impossible to get out of bed at 8.

- Digestive system is actually running normal now. <--- Thank god! This was one of the worst parts.

- Mood swings have subsided drastically.

- While I am not losing any meaningful lbs (don't need to - 5'10" - 154lbs) my body is shedding the fat I picked up over the years of drinking.

Misc.

- I have had no desire to drink for at least 2 weeks now, the first week was difficult but now I don't even think about it. I think the points above and the fact I feel so much better now than I have in 8 years has kept me going.

- I have been going to a weekly AA meeting. The only thing I will complain about with the meeting I am going to is that the majority opinion among the long termers is that you will fail if you don't go to meetings every day. Even my sponsor is pushing me to do the 90 meetings in 90 days thing. Wonderful in theory but time just does not permit it.

Anyways. Just wanted to give an update, feeling absolutely fantastic and am shooting for my 30 day chip!

ZombieAttack

Good stuff.

I feel what you are saying about detox round 2; feel like I am on that myself.

Keep it up and do keep posting with all your experiences / feelings. It can only help others who are going through what we are going through.

awuh1

Thanks for the update. It sounds like things are going very well. I had a period of time like that shortly after I got sober. It was wonderful. Some folks call it “the pink cloud”. I sincerely hope it lasts a very long time, but (please don’t shoot the messenger) it generally does tend to dissipate. Your sponsor has a point with his advice about meetings and (I assume) about commitment to the program. It’s like insurance. You don’t know when you’re going to need it but you’re sure glad you have it when things go badly.

Your sobriety is new, VERY new. It's a bit more fragile than you might think. Be careful. As you said earlier, you have a long road ahead. Put in a little extra work now. It will produce big pay offs in the long run. Take care

paul99

Great update!

As for the 90 in 90 thing...I don't feel that it's necessary. As long as you are working the program of recovery with your sponsor, and attending the meetings that you can, you should be fine. I certainly agree that hitting as many meetings as you can early on can't hurt - it gets you front and center of the message and listening and talking to as many alcoholics about their experiences. I did 210 in 90 (keep in mind I had no job or anything else going on!), but was it necessary? No. I actually had people tell me I was going to too many! ha ha. But to tell someone that they will "fail" - well, not something I would proclaim to someone else. Just as long as you are working the program, and hitting as many meetings as you can at this point of your recovery, doing service work, etc...then you'll be fine.