2.5 years and feel totally lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 343
2.5 years and feel totally lost
2 and a half years sober
and whilst holding it all together for a year - working 40 + hours, two little toddlers, a hormonal teenage daughter, a verbally abusive relationship later, finally i master the strength to say the relationship is over and we obviously do a parental agreement, then had to wait two more months unti he was out of my place and had moved into his rental, and what happens I relapse on xanax. I was on it for two months and started taking it like candy, just so I could face him being still in my house. Finally I get all that I want and I crash, work was stressful, he kept blaiming everything on me never helped with the kids unless you forced him to, I just collapsed, it was the worst withdrawal ever, worse than alcohol, had to go into rehab for two weeks to get off the stuff and am still on a valium maintenance program ,,,,,,,,, Depression has set in and I feel l just do not have any energy what so ever, and he still does not see as to why our reatioship did not work he blamed it on my eldest daughter who is not his, I had to mover her out to my sisters for three months to escape his abusive comments, negativity............. my boss forced me to take paid leave until the 16th of January clearly I was not coping, I was losing weight, looked tired, exhausted, started making mistakes at work.............
But of course he never did anything wrong......................nor saw me wasting away.....
In any case I am angry at myself for trying to be the A class I can do everything supermum, and I crashed.......... I am angree at myself for that..
Now he is gone stuff of his is still at my place, two toddlers keeping me crazy busy and also testing my patience at every point, my teenage daughter 14 is constantly breaking out in tears because she wants to sell the place asap and I feel put under pressure, from her to get it done fast, and my mood is all over the place,,,,,,,,,,,,I am trying to be positive but it is so hard.....my
I am also wanting to sell my place to get rid of him, the bad memories........
In any case that is me.....
and whilst holding it all together for a year - working 40 + hours, two little toddlers, a hormonal teenage daughter, a verbally abusive relationship later, finally i master the strength to say the relationship is over and we obviously do a parental agreement, then had to wait two more months unti he was out of my place and had moved into his rental, and what happens I relapse on xanax. I was on it for two months and started taking it like candy, just so I could face him being still in my house. Finally I get all that I want and I crash, work was stressful, he kept blaiming everything on me never helped with the kids unless you forced him to, I just collapsed, it was the worst withdrawal ever, worse than alcohol, had to go into rehab for two weeks to get off the stuff and am still on a valium maintenance program ,,,,,,,,, Depression has set in and I feel l just do not have any energy what so ever, and he still does not see as to why our reatioship did not work he blamed it on my eldest daughter who is not his, I had to mover her out to my sisters for three months to escape his abusive comments, negativity............. my boss forced me to take paid leave until the 16th of January clearly I was not coping, I was losing weight, looked tired, exhausted, started making mistakes at work.............
But of course he never did anything wrong......................nor saw me wasting away.....
In any case I am angry at myself for trying to be the A class I can do everything supermum, and I crashed.......... I am angree at myself for that..
Now he is gone stuff of his is still at my place, two toddlers keeping me crazy busy and also testing my patience at every point, my teenage daughter 14 is constantly breaking out in tears because she wants to sell the place asap and I feel put under pressure, from her to get it done fast, and my mood is all over the place,,,,,,,,,,,,I am trying to be positive but it is so hard.....my
I am also wanting to sell my place to get rid of him, the bad memories........
In any case that is me.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I'm sorry you have so much on your plate...That can't be easy....You just have to know that alcohol/drugs will make none of that better....I'm curious what you are doing for your recovery?...What kind of support do you have?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry to hear all that Sidney, but it sounds to me like you're actually working through it all and actually have a lot of the stuff that bought you down solved, or nearly so?
Maybe like Sapling suggests you need a little more support tho?
Maybe you need to look at your expectations too - noone can be superhuman all the time...or even most of the time.
I had to let go of a lot too - I resigned as General Manager of everything
I focused instead on those things that were really important to me.
Sometimes doing our best at any given time and getting by is more realistic, I think.
In any case I'm glad to see you here again - welcome back!
D
Maybe like Sapling suggests you need a little more support tho?
Maybe you need to look at your expectations too - noone can be superhuman all the time...or even most of the time.
I had to let go of a lot too - I resigned as General Manager of everything
I focused instead on those things that were really important to me.
Sometimes doing our best at any given time and getting by is more realistic, I think.
In any case I'm glad to see you here again - welcome back!
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Calif
Posts: 757
hi sidney. i read your post. like dee74 said you might need some support. i am like you i have alot of family and professional issues i am trying to cope with. i am also trying to cope with alcohol. but congrats with 2.5 years. i cant wait to get there
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
I am very sorry for your troubles, and equally worry about your episode with Xanax. Benzos did me in, and washing them down with booze didn't help, for sure.
I agree with Sapling. I'm two years sober and if it wasn't for a bevy of friends available to me in AA, I wouldn't have made it. I don't necessarily mean I would have relapsed. I mean I wouldn't have made it around the curves life throws our way.
I agree with Sapling. I'm two years sober and if it wasn't for a bevy of friends available to me in AA, I wouldn't have made it. I don't necessarily mean I would have relapsed. I mean I wouldn't have made it around the curves life throws our way.
Galatians 5:13
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Tampa Bay
Posts: 329
You sound very strong to me, Sidney14. You're taking ownership of your life. Choices and consequences are not always easy.
Let your 14 year old feel her feelings. I am sure she has a lot of strong emotions, but letting her talk and vent (with proper boundaries) is the best thing you can do right now. Be patient with yourself. Look at all you've accomplished.
It sounds like you may be caught up in "I want everything to be good and settled this very instant!" mode. Everything worth anything takes time.
Take a deep breath. Do it again. One step (day :-) at a time. Give yourself some credit. You have a lot going on. Without the time to simply focus on breathing and clearing your head - you'll never see all you've accomplished.
Triumphs will come in stages. Hug those kids (and that teen) every chance you get. Don't try to make them think you know everything and have everything figured out. You don't, BUT that doesn't mean within your power you will ever let anything bad happen to them AND you will always love them dearly. Breath.
Best of luck, I am proud of you and trust me you're an inspiration to many who haven't yet done some of the cleaning up of their lives that you have.
Cheers!
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Let your 14 year old feel her feelings. I am sure she has a lot of strong emotions, but letting her talk and vent (with proper boundaries) is the best thing you can do right now. Be patient with yourself. Look at all you've accomplished.
It sounds like you may be caught up in "I want everything to be good and settled this very instant!" mode. Everything worth anything takes time.
Take a deep breath. Do it again. One step (day :-) at a time. Give yourself some credit. You have a lot going on. Without the time to simply focus on breathing and clearing your head - you'll never see all you've accomplished.
Triumphs will come in stages. Hug those kids (and that teen) every chance you get. Don't try to make them think you know everything and have everything figured out. You don't, BUT that doesn't mean within your power you will ever let anything bad happen to them AND you will always love them dearly. Breath.
Best of luck, I am proud of you and trust me you're an inspiration to many who haven't yet done some of the cleaning up of their lives that you have.
Cheers!
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