hope5543

I was recently engaged to an alcoholic. He had stopped drinking before we started dating. I had never seen him drinking. He is a precious man sober. The most giving, loving, romantic man you'll ever have the pleasure to meet. We argued some one night he chose to go to Walmart and walk around and ended up buying alcohol and drank it. He says he got a bottle of wine and drank the whole bottle on the way home and that's all he drank. I didn't realize at first he was drinking, until I tried to kiss him good night. I smelled it, it didn't smell like wine. I took off my engagement ring and told him I wouldn't marry him if he was drinking again and went to bed. 2 hours later he came in so drunk he could barely stand. He held me down on the bed and I really felt God tell me he was going to kill me. I talked him into letting me sit up and eased him downstairs he barely made it down the 11 steps. As soon as he turned his back and went into the bathroom I grabbed my purse and left the house. He's on probation and had been arrested 4 times for assault while drinking. I didn't want to call the police and have him arrested if he could just sleep it off. I tried to get away and my car died a mile from the house. I called a friend to help me. It ended up that he had poured over a pound of sugar into my gas tank before he came upstairs to hurt me. After I left that night he destroyed my youngest son's ultrasound photos in his scrapbook. He didn't destroy the whole book, he stopped with the first few pages. I have a ring that is missing too from that night it was my true love waits ring not worth much but a lot of sentimental value. He swears he didn't do any of those things. If he did he doesn't remember doing it. Is that possible or is he not telling me the truth? How can someone love me the way he did, love my children and do those things? How can he be so different drinking? I've pressed charges now for the damage and $ I've been out on my car and for assault so I can get a restraining order. I fear him drinking I really do. He's called a few times and will be very sweet and then angry or crying. He was drinking the last time he called. Please help me understand how someone can do those things. How they can't remember or say they are sorry for what they've done? I have never been a big drinker so this is so foreign to me. Thank you for listening.

Prayers for all of us,
Hope

sugarbear1

Unfortunately, this does happen. It's like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, both inhabiting the same body. I kinda think the Jekyl/Hyde story was based on an alcoholic.

I married a man who was similar to your man. The marriage lasted 2.5 years. I understand what you have endured. Glad you didn't marry him.

Al Anon is available and open to anyone, if you choose to attend. Only so you don't fall into the same trap again in your future. I seem to find the same man (just different bodies) and I tend to repeat my past, at least I used to do this.

I wish you well.

Love & hugs,

ru12

Stay far away from him. What you describe is psychotic behavior. Move if you have to.

Sally1009

Run far, run fast. Seriously, he sounds extremely dangerous, and you need to protect yourself and your children.

2granddaughters

Wise words, Sally. I certainly concur. I'll just add "and don't look back".

All the best.

Bob R

hope5543

Thank you all for your advice. You helped me see this isn't normal behavior even for someone who is drinking. Thank you for giving me peace and closure today. Hugs!

CarolD

Please talk with your local Domestic Violance Center.
Ask them for info about how best to keep you and
your family safe from harm.

kmick0871

Unfortunatley it sounds just like my past relationship, sadly we have a child together.. We have had several no contact orders, court odered,. The past seven yrs have been so off and on up and down. The worst he did was try to bite my ear off. Like yours mine was sweet, funny, romantic and thoughtful. After that first beer the hairs stood up on the back of my neck, I knew what kind of night it was going to be.
My only advice is to end it!! Yes its hard but it will get easier. You need to find self worth like I had too. To realize that he will never change. Mine had stopped went to AA then just three months back to his violent drunk self. LOVE YOURSELF!!! I wish you luck and strength..

zanzibar

I was a Jeckle, and Hyde type. I've been arrested for assault a few times but never ever did I hit either of my wives or any other woman, even in my worst blackouts. IMO this is not the actions of an alcoholic it's the actions of a wife beater. I agree with the others never look back, you've lost nothing by letting him go. And I'm glad to see you pressed charges in order to protect yourself.