roosta

After almost two months sober earlier this year, I decided to drink again. Moderation went out the window when I started drinking at 11am yesterday.

My husband, who is active duty, is away. So in my drunken stupor I emailed him to tell him I am no good, and he deserves better. What a selfish piece of work I am. He's busting his tail and I sent him a poor me email. I'm sure he is heartbroken and sad. I did that.

First thing in the morning I am going to find a doctor for my mental health. The ugliness I feel inside is worse than the damn hangover.

Alcohol has me its grip, I pray that this will be the time that I can finally loosen its hold on me and be free.

roosta

trailrunrbyday

roosta. It's a new day. Seek the help in every way possible. Let your husband know how you feel and that you are seeking the help you need to yourself and for him. You have left him worrying. Maybe a quick word to tell him you are going to focus on working as hard for you both as he is....may help him feel better. Just a thought.
Welcome back.

roosta

I did send him another email after I sobered up. I kept it very short and to the point and told him I am going to get help. Of course I apologized, but he's heard it all before.

I just want to cry. I hate what this disease does.

roosta

Kateg

Been there and done that! Actions speak louder than words! Keep your head up! You can do it!!!

wallup

Hey Roosta, the great thing is you recognize it now, not later. Have you thought about AA or even the online meetings? Create yourself an action plan. Also there is a great thread here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...w-members.html

We are here for you!

CarolD

Welcome back...

Blessings to you and your husband as you begin a
new sober chapter Yes! you too can win over alcohol..

sissy07

Ah roosta, I am so very sorry. If you can not drink for two months, you can do it and longer....however sounds like you need more support, and you are going to do that.

Not that it helps, but you are not alone. I (and many others) have done things like that. I think my top one is driving four little six year olds to ballet class so drunk I almost got in an accident. I know that you feel terrible about what you did, but it is fixable. What you must do is follow through....for you and your marriage. Actions speak much louder than words. Bless you. Let us know how it goes.

roosta

Thank you everyone.

I don't have a recovery plan in place yet. I am calling the hospital on base in the morning and seeing where to go from there. I wasn't a daily drinker so I'm thinking withdrawls will be minimal.

AA is a definite possibility. With my husband being gone and my family hundreds of miles away, I need support.

I did speak with my husband, and of course he was worried. He is such a blessing and I am lucky to have him. He does not drink, either. As always I have his love and support.

Going to spend the rest of the evening reading SR. This site was a large part of that small chunk of sobriety I had. When I stopped coming here, the alcoholic crept right back in to my thoughts. Time to be vigilant.

roosta

Thepatman

Welcome back roosta. Don't beat yourself over this. Your husband is a brave man and I'm sure he loves you. Hang on to that love ;-)

Dee74

Glad to see you back Roosta. Let us know what the base hospital says

D

Hevyn

I'm so glad you're here, roosta. Don't beat up on yourself. You've learned something valuable, and this time you will win the battle. We will help - we know you can do this.