30 Days today--I want to give my thanks
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
30 Days today--I want to give my thanks
Today marks 30 days sober for me. A month ago I could barely go 30 hours without a drink, actually 30 hours is more than a day so for about two months straight I DIDN’T go more than 12 hours without a drink. And for months before that it was every other day.
I’ve had these issues since I was 21 when access became easy but I've never been a normal drinker. I attended AA started in 2009, decided to “drink in moderation” would even show up to meetings drunk, or cut back on my binge drinking to a few nights a week. People here told me then that wouldn’t work, as did people in AA. I thought “They just don’t realize I’m not REALLY an alcoholic”
I’ve been black out drunk more times than I could possibly count. This entire summer is a blur because I spent so much of it getting drunk. Even nights out with friends I can’t enjoy the memories because I don’t have them. I’ve driven drunk. I’ve blown thousands of dollars on booze. I’ve been intimate with some horrible men who have zero respect for women. The last three times I’ve had sex was with two different people that I barely knew and I don’t remember any of it.
Yet I still thought “I’m too young” or “I’m just depressed, if I wasn’t depressed I wouldn’t be drinking” or “If my ABF didn’t get arrested again I wouldn’t drink like this” truth is drinking was a MAJOR issue. And a major part of the reason I was so sad. It was clouding my thinking.
I know I still have a long tough road ahead of me. But Day 30 compared to Day 14 is a hell of a lot better. It has gotten easier. I’ve gotten more confidence. I’ve thought I CAN DO THIS. I know now that I can’t just have one drink, I can’t just be a social drinker. I am an alcoholic, it doesn’t matter if I’m “only 24” or “have depression”, even if those things weren’t the case I’d still be an alcoholic.
If it weren’t for your compassion, understanding, intelligence, experience & wisdom I never ever would have gone to my first meeting at 21, I never would have gotten back into AA now, I would still be drinking myself in to a stupor every day, I would have no idea of how big of a problem I really had.
I don’t say this lightly and I don’t say this just to say it I say it because it’s true: I really believe this board saved my life. The people here who have taken the time to follow my story and reply to my posts and give me their sometimes harsh, honest but always appreciated advice—you have all had an impact on my life. For that I can’t thank you enough.
I am so grateful for the wonderful people here and everyone who keep this board up and running. You are the reason I took the steps to get sober. If I hadn’t I truly don’t know where I’d be now let alone a year or two or five years from now. Words truly can’t express how thankful I am for everyone here!
And to those of you who are still struggling, I promise you it DOES get easier. Even 30 days in and it’s easier. Life isn’t perfect. My problems didn’t magically go away. But I DO feel better. And not waking up with no memory, no hang over for 30 days, the extra money I have in my pocket…that’s all pretty great too.
I never ever thought I'd make it 30 days. I'm taking it one day at a time. I couldn't have done it without all of you. AA has been helpful too but this is what made me take that first step. This is where I am the most honest, this is the place I know I can ALWAYS come and say exactly how I'm feeling without fear & personally for me it has been the number one tool my recovery, words can't really express my gratitude.
I’ve had these issues since I was 21 when access became easy but I've never been a normal drinker. I attended AA started in 2009, decided to “drink in moderation” would even show up to meetings drunk, or cut back on my binge drinking to a few nights a week. People here told me then that wouldn’t work, as did people in AA. I thought “They just don’t realize I’m not REALLY an alcoholic”
I’ve been black out drunk more times than I could possibly count. This entire summer is a blur because I spent so much of it getting drunk. Even nights out with friends I can’t enjoy the memories because I don’t have them. I’ve driven drunk. I’ve blown thousands of dollars on booze. I’ve been intimate with some horrible men who have zero respect for women. The last three times I’ve had sex was with two different people that I barely knew and I don’t remember any of it.
Yet I still thought “I’m too young” or “I’m just depressed, if I wasn’t depressed I wouldn’t be drinking” or “If my ABF didn’t get arrested again I wouldn’t drink like this” truth is drinking was a MAJOR issue. And a major part of the reason I was so sad. It was clouding my thinking.
I know I still have a long tough road ahead of me. But Day 30 compared to Day 14 is a hell of a lot better. It has gotten easier. I’ve gotten more confidence. I’ve thought I CAN DO THIS. I know now that I can’t just have one drink, I can’t just be a social drinker. I am an alcoholic, it doesn’t matter if I’m “only 24” or “have depression”, even if those things weren’t the case I’d still be an alcoholic.
If it weren’t for your compassion, understanding, intelligence, experience & wisdom I never ever would have gone to my first meeting at 21, I never would have gotten back into AA now, I would still be drinking myself in to a stupor every day, I would have no idea of how big of a problem I really had.
I don’t say this lightly and I don’t say this just to say it I say it because it’s true: I really believe this board saved my life. The people here who have taken the time to follow my story and reply to my posts and give me their sometimes harsh, honest but always appreciated advice—you have all had an impact on my life. For that I can’t thank you enough.
I am so grateful for the wonderful people here and everyone who keep this board up and running. You are the reason I took the steps to get sober. If I hadn’t I truly don’t know where I’d be now let alone a year or two or five years from now. Words truly can’t express how thankful I am for everyone here!
And to those of you who are still struggling, I promise you it DOES get easier. Even 30 days in and it’s easier. Life isn’t perfect. My problems didn’t magically go away. But I DO feel better. And not waking up with no memory, no hang over for 30 days, the extra money I have in my pocket…that’s all pretty great too.
I never ever thought I'd make it 30 days. I'm taking it one day at a time. I couldn't have done it without all of you. AA has been helpful too but this is what made me take that first step. This is where I am the most honest, this is the place I know I can ALWAYS come and say exactly how I'm feeling without fear & personally for me it has been the number one tool my recovery, words can't really express my gratitude.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Congrats Fenway, you too Dan!
Fenway, I feel much the same about SR. And it was posts like this one of yours that staked out a path of my peers yelling back, "Come on ahead! I have scouted the path and it is clear with some things to look out for! You can make it too!"
The further we go the more voices we hear, not less. Because like you, we are hollering back too.
Fenway, I feel much the same about SR. And it was posts like this one of yours that staked out a path of my peers yelling back, "Come on ahead! I have scouted the path and it is clear with some things to look out for! You can make it too!"
The further we go the more voices we hear, not less. Because like you, we are hollering back too.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,575
What a great post, Fenway. 30 days is amazing - particularly since you're young. I would never have had the sense to seek help in my 20's. You're avoiding so much misery down the line, and I'm so happy for you. 
Re 30 days 
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Fenway
The sense of rejoicing in your post really touches me. It is great what you have achieved and you are right on the money.
Miracles are possible. Just keep on the straight and narrow and you will be guided. Follow the light.
The sense of rejoicing in your post really touches me. It is great what you have achieved and you are right on the money.
Miracles are possible. Just keep on the straight and narrow and you will be guided. Follow the light.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
Wonderfully put Fenway! I agree Witt the wisdom to peruse this in your 20's and the courage to push through adversity. You should be very proud of yourself. The board supports you, listens to you and reminds you but that incredible strength comes from within YOU. Never forget that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 173
Fenway-Its posts like yours that keep me sober today, I can identify with all those horrrible experiences and feeling of self loathing. I am so thankful that I am not where I was and glad for you too. Thanks for sharing! Thanks for being sober today and thanks for sticking around here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Thank you so much everyone!
And Dan congratulations! We have the same sober date, that's pretty cool!
A couple of the girls I've met in AA who I've gotten close to have been sober since before they turned 21! They are very inspiring! It was a real wake up call for me like HEY this disease can affect anyone! Some people are just lucky enough to recognize it and get help early rather then do it 10 years down the line when they're already lost so much.
I consider myself blessed to have gotten the help I needed now. And I truly attribute that to the people here! You made me realize I had a problem, urged to get help, shared your stories and made me realize all the lies I was telling myself!
Today is my birthday, I still suffering with Mono so it will be low key but it will also be the first birthday I remember in years! I've gotten drunk on every birthday since I was 17 or 18 and can't remember half the night! Tonight it's a low key dinner with my family. I am finally feeling better and my pain has greatly decreased and I'm not taking the pain medication anymore, I can manage with Advil and I didn't much like taking narcotics even tho the pain I was in was severe enough to warrant them I am glad I no longer need them!
And Dan congratulations! We have the same sober date, that's pretty cool!
A couple of the girls I've met in AA who I've gotten close to have been sober since before they turned 21! They are very inspiring! It was a real wake up call for me like HEY this disease can affect anyone! Some people are just lucky enough to recognize it and get help early rather then do it 10 years down the line when they're already lost so much.
I consider myself blessed to have gotten the help I needed now. And I truly attribute that to the people here! You made me realize I had a problem, urged to get help, shared your stories and made me realize all the lies I was telling myself!
Today is my birthday, I still suffering with Mono so it will be low key but it will also be the first birthday I remember in years! I've gotten drunk on every birthday since I was 17 or 18 and can't remember half the night! Tonight it's a low key dinner with my family. I am finally feeling better and my pain has greatly decreased and I'm not taking the pain medication anymore, I can manage with Advil and I didn't much like taking narcotics even tho the pain I was in was severe enough to warrant them I am glad I no longer need them!
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