brdlvr

Question -- Do you think that the drinking/alcoholism is but a symptom of an internal issue? What do you think is best - quit first and then therapy/counseling or vica vera or concurrent?

I am a weekend binge drinker. I do belive I suffer from insecurity no matter how many people say nice things about me. I tend to pick unheathy people to get in relationships with. Other alkies, committment issues, etc. (just ended one now and am feeling really down about it)

suki44883

My personal opinion is that you need to quit drinking first. Also, be sure to find a therapist/counselor that is trained in alcoholism.

Good luck!

dox

Depends upon how you plan to quit and how soon.

Depends upon the type of therapy and the purpose of the therapy.

Personally, therapy did me very little good until I quit drinking with the twelve-step programme. After that, I needed very little therapy.

I think the crux of the matter was honesty -- or lack thereof.

~dox

freshstart57

There are folks that think that they have a great list of 'underlying issues', genetic predispositions, maladies, illnesses, diseases, traumatic events, personality flaws, moral failings, the list goes on. All have been used to excuse the drinking.

While these issues may be important, nothing good can happen to them while we still drink. Alcohol short circuits the dealing, coping, learning that we all need to do to grow as we live. Lose the booze first, then get busy with the other stuff.

Once the alcoholic behaviour is gone, that list of issues that need special attention gets much smaller and more manageable.

CarolD

i found therapy while interesting did nothing for my alcoholism
I made sure I was not drinking when I went to those private sessions.
.
Actually...I guess it did because my doctor suggested I quit...and
committ to AA. I followed his suggestion and Eureka!

I stopped therapy as my drinking journey had begun.

doggonecarl

If your goal is to continue drinking, then you could go to therapy under the guise of "doing something" about it.

If you goal is to quit drinking, then quit.

I bet your problems resolve themselves.

brdlvr

Thanks everyone . Seems everyone agree..quit first. I still may check out an ACoA meeting in addition to smart and/or AA. I just want to feel good about myself, find inner peace and not let unhealthy people determine how I feel.

Dee74

I agree...I didn't need to be fixed before I did something about my alcoholism.

I do believe I had underlying issues...and personally I needed to work on those to stay sober...but that came later

D

hypochondriac

I think you have to do both at the same time.

I think there are huge physical and psychological aspects to alcoholism which has nothing to do with any internal issues and needed to be treated with AA/SMART/AVRT, that sort of stuff.

Then there are the issues which made us drink in the first place, and they probably need dealing with separately.

I always thought that if my 'issues' were resolved then I would automatically not want to drink. So not the case. I had to put a huge amount of effort into not drinking, and now that I am sober I am free to work on all that other stuff x

miamifella

It sounds like you might be looking at an excuse to do nothing. Why wait to quit? Why wait to start therapy? There is no reason to put either off.

redatlanta

I do believe that underlying issues can cause someone to drink/drug aka self medicate. However, even if those issues are determined and treated addiction is addiction, and it will continue unless you choose to stop.

onlythetruth

I definitely had underlying issues, but I found that I could not do a darned thing about any of them until I quit drinking. I also found that I could not AVOID doing something about them after I stopped drinking, which meant that I worked very hard in therapy and got a lot out of it.

So you'd think I'd say you definitely must stop drinking before doing therapy, but I recall saying as much to my therapist and she disagreed. She told me that while, yes, in an ideal world we'd all quit before doing therapy, some of her clients really needed therapy support before they could quit. And that others who weren't sober still did better with therapy than without it. She also said that some sober people get nothing out of therapy because they aren't willing to work at it.

So I guess that this is another case of "one size does not fit all".

ru12

Personally, nothing really helped me until I stopped drinking. You should do that . . . right now . . . today. Then go ahead and schedule some therapy. Be sure to tell your therapist that you are recently sober.

Best wishes.

dox

.
brdlvr,

From reading your latest post, I get the impression that you are still deciding between several alternatives in order to change your life for the better.

I used to use such choices to avoid taking action. I still do, sometimes. There is comfort in the familiar, however unhappy that may be.

I sometimes have the intention of doing something good, albeit difficult, for myself or others. Problem is: such intentions are only rattling around my head until I take action. Nothing good ever came from my thoughts alone.

I sense that you are like me in this respect. So, I urge you to go to a meeting today. Whether it's AA or SMART makes far less difference than when you finally take action. I and others have suggested: now.

So, pick up the phone to AA or SMART and go to the first available meeting . . .

Today.

Please let us know how you get on.

~dox

freshstart57

Wow, Dox, that was loud! I liked the point you made about time - when / now / today. I think it is in the nature of addiction that a tolerance to the stimulus is developed, and it doesn't matter if the stimulus is heroin, crack, adrenaline or alcohol, we always need more. Every day we continue with our drinking makes it just a little harder to stop when that day comes.

Another way of looking at the whole 'when' issue is this. To our consciousness, things only happen when it's now, not yesterday or tomorrow; time only occurs in the present moment. Whenever you quit, it will be 'now' to you, and of all the nows, 'right now, today' is by far the best.

The idea of living without alcohol is scary, no doubt, Brdlvr. If you don't like living sober with less anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, and with more joy, satisfaction, pride, energy and achievement, you can always start drinking again. Your misery will be refunded as they say. I think it's worth a shot, don't you?

flutter

I quit, then went to a counselor.. it wasn't really purposeful, I couldn't get an appointment for a week, but I couldn't keep drinking either. I went to the counselor and found he helped me with learning how to live sober, I needed help with that part as I didn't know a thing about it on my own!

dox

Sorry, everyone. Didn't mean to shout. Just trying be heard. You may read it. You may hear it. You may consider it.

Maybe.
What a sad word, that can be.

My point about "now" was not so much about it being more difficult to quit later on. Indeed, my brother found it easier, later on, when his doctor told him that his liver was on the way out. Fear of death can be sobering. But, we don't have to take our suffering that far.

In hind-sight: I would probably have been better off if I had put down the booze earlier, as well. I suffered. Who, or which active alcoholic, would have known that a sober life could be this wonderful? So, if someone had told me, 10 years ago, how good I would feel without a drink would I have listened?

Hence my large type and bold emphasis. I hope that I wasn't attempting the impossible. For, if brdlvr is like I was, when I was still drinking . . .

brdlvr won't be told and can't be asked.

I sincerely hope that is untrue.

~dox

brdlvr

Decided to go ahead w therapy. Got first appt sat. Also got script for naltrexone. Just got to take it
I can def see if I stop and stay stopped I will be able to handle relationships better. I met up with the ex sat. Sober I was able to see just how unhealthy she (we both are females) is and see her issues w drinking too. I really didn't hv any attraction. But once I started drinking with her..and even hungover the next day I felt insecure angry, needy, depressed..ugh!!