Been a LONG time guys..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Been a LONG time guys..
It has been a long time since I have been here/posted. Sure some of you remember me, many maybe not. Not sure is Dee, Cap, or others are still here, they may remember me. Anyway....
It's been a good year +...maybe longer? since I have posted/been here. Over that past 1-2 years....I have been UP and Down, both. Spent months without drinking, and have spent times where I could not go 3 days without drinking. Just weird.
Over the past year...I'ts been good and bad. Times I went months without drinking, they were great. Times I went 3-4 days between drunks, not so good.
I was/still- a member here for the past few years, and was told/saw that when you go back out there that it gets worse. Well....it's true. I have been an alcoholic for probably 20 yrs now (I'm now 40-close to 41) but I can tell you when I drink now (fifth and a half) it is Black out drinking and I have many problems remembering things from when I drink.
I do have two things that for some reason I have been able to stick too oddly enough and have the will power for.
#1...I am now 17 months smoke free ( I was a 2 pack a day smoker) I think actually I had "just" quit when I last posted here.
#2- I was 397 lbs in Feb this year. Now I am 261 (50 more to go) I've had the will power to lose 136lbs by will power, sticking to diet, and lifting weights+walking/jogging 10 miles per week. Why is sobriety so hard?
So the odd thing is, I do have the will power for some things. Yet, others I don't. Anyway, I am back posting here because I am trying yet again to do what I know is right and need to do.
Steve
It's been a good year +...maybe longer? since I have posted/been here. Over that past 1-2 years....I have been UP and Down, both. Spent months without drinking, and have spent times where I could not go 3 days without drinking. Just weird.
Over the past year...I'ts been good and bad. Times I went months without drinking, they were great. Times I went 3-4 days between drunks, not so good.
I was/still- a member here for the past few years, and was told/saw that when you go back out there that it gets worse. Well....it's true. I have been an alcoholic for probably 20 yrs now (I'm now 40-close to 41) but I can tell you when I drink now (fifth and a half) it is Black out drinking and I have many problems remembering things from when I drink.
I do have two things that for some reason I have been able to stick too oddly enough and have the will power for.
#1...I am now 17 months smoke free ( I was a 2 pack a day smoker) I think actually I had "just" quit when I last posted here.
#2- I was 397 lbs in Feb this year. Now I am 261 (50 more to go) I've had the will power to lose 136lbs by will power, sticking to diet, and lifting weights+walking/jogging 10 miles per week. Why is sobriety so hard?
So the odd thing is, I do have the will power for some things. Yet, others I don't. Anyway, I am back posting here because I am trying yet again to do what I know is right and need to do.
Steve
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY
Posts: 618
Re:It's been a long time guys. Welcome back DayWalker. We missed you, really we have. I can't believe you lost so much weight. Talk about a blessing. Hey, it proves one theory correct in our eyes: Anythings possible if we put our best foot forward. You have, so be proud of that.
As far as drinking goes, well, that's next to go, right? Hey, you've come this far, haven't you? We know you can do it, it's only a matter of time. So stick around, okay. We're dying to hear more. Keep that momentum going.
As far as drinking goes, well, that's next to go, right? Hey, you've come this far, haven't you? We know you can do it, it's only a matter of time. So stick around, okay. We're dying to hear more. Keep that momentum going.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Welcome back Steve - yes I'm still here 
Has it been a year? doesn't seem like that...
I'm glad to hear about all the good stuff - and man, you know what to do about the rest.
You're too good a guy to be 'that guy' and 'that uncle'...been there done that
Maybe it's not about willpower...but about accepting who and what you are?
D
Has it been a year? doesn't seem like that...
I'm glad to hear about all the good stuff - and man, you know what to do about the rest.
You're too good a guy to be 'that guy' and 'that uncle'...been there done that
Maybe it's not about willpower...but about accepting who and what you are?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
DEE!! it is good to talk to you again, I just wish it maybe was other circumstances is all rather than me coming back here after going back & forth with my sobriety. But hell...still great to talk to you again
But ...yeah, been close or even more than a year I think. I just can't get this under control man. Like I said...I actully stopped smoking for 17 months and 8 days now....I have lost 136lbs and been sticking with a really strict diet/work out program. So sobriety??? Why the hell has this been harder than my other vices?
So Dee, give me the quick "fix" to that and I will go ahead and leave and you'll never see me again...LOL
Steve
But ...yeah, been close or even more than a year I think. I just can't get this under control man. Like I said...I actully stopped smoking for 17 months and 8 days now....I have lost 136lbs and been sticking with a really strict diet/work out program. So sobriety??? Why the hell has this been harder than my other vices?
So Dee, give me the quick "fix" to that and I will go ahead and leave and you'll never see me again...LOL
Steve
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
Glad to see you back. I quit both smoking and drinking myself. I found quitting smoking was a lot easier. I never had to lose a LOT of weight,but the little I have tried to lose has always been tough. It seems like you aren't getting anywhere forever and then you finally lose some and then do it over again to drop to the next level.. It takes commitment
If I remember right you do some hunting and fishing guide work. (Hope I don't have you mixed up with somebody else)That kind of work can certainly put you in awkward situations with booze.
Avoiding "situations" made things easier for me the first few months. The important thing is to keep trying.
Keep coming back.
Fred
If I remember right you do some hunting and fishing guide work. (Hope I don't have you mixed up with somebody else)That kind of work can certainly put you in awkward situations with booze.
Avoiding "situations" made things easier for me the first few months. The important thing is to keep trying.
Keep coming back.
Fred
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
If I remember right you do some hunting and fishing guide work. (Hope I don't have you mixed up with somebody else)
Nope not mixed up at all, that's me, I remember you as well from back when I was here ( I remember the bi wing plane avatar). Great to see your still here.
Yep your memory is correct, I do a LOT of fishing trips. But, honestly these days...trips sober are no prob. My hardest times now are when I am home and no one else around. That's when I get that itching uncontrolable feeling these days more than ever.
Steve
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
So Dee, give me the quick "fix" to that and I will go ahead and leave and you'll never see me again...LOL
I had to accept I couldn't be that....& there's your fight Steve.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
I know Dee, and I hope you know that line I posted was a joke at best 
But your correct...my will power with weight loss & quitting smoking although strong....won't help me with stayin sober. I do know that. Guess that's why I am back here.
Dee I know you probably remember some of my old posts/stories of those old days about things when I was here a year ago, but just to spill all this out since I am back.
Things got BAD man. Even worse than back when I was doing the court&jail stuff, because now I have nothing to blame it on and it's all on me. My drinking days now are to the point of when I start drinking, it's usually around 4-5pm on those days, and it doesn't stop till around 9am the next day. And that usually involve's about 1.5 to 2 fifths of Vodka. Which honestly has gotten to the point of scareing me because of the amount because back when I did that much before I was almost 400lbs. Now at 260'ish...it has much more of an effect on me and blackouts are normal. When I drink now I lose chunks of time in the order of losing 4-6 hours. And I know that's not good.
Anyway ...I have absolutely no idea how come I typed in this sites name again after 1+ year. But I'm about 3 days since my last drink now, and I know I've been thinking about my next which would normally be this weekend. So for some odd reason it crossed my mind to come here and post tonight.
Steve
But your correct...my will power with weight loss & quitting smoking although strong....won't help me with stayin sober. I do know that. Guess that's why I am back here.
Dee I know you probably remember some of my old posts/stories of those old days about things when I was here a year ago, but just to spill all this out since I am back.
Things got BAD man. Even worse than back when I was doing the court&jail stuff, because now I have nothing to blame it on and it's all on me. My drinking days now are to the point of when I start drinking, it's usually around 4-5pm on those days, and it doesn't stop till around 9am the next day. And that usually involve's about 1.5 to 2 fifths of Vodka. Which honestly has gotten to the point of scareing me because of the amount because back when I did that much before I was almost 400lbs. Now at 260'ish...it has much more of an effect on me and blackouts are normal. When I drink now I lose chunks of time in the order of losing 4-6 hours. And I know that's not good.
Anyway ...I have absolutely no idea how come I typed in this sites name again after 1+ year. But I'm about 3 days since my last drink now, and I know I've been thinking about my next which would normally be this weekend. So for some odd reason it crossed my mind to come here and post tonight.
Steve
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I'm glad you did Steve. I do remember the bad old days - yours and mine both - and I really don't want to see you, me, or anyone, go through that stuff again.
It's my knocking off time, but I hope you'll stick around mate...let a little SR spirit imbue you rather than the vodka
have a good day my friend...
D
It's my knocking off time, but I hope you'll stick around mate...let a little SR spirit imbue you rather than the vodka
have a good day my friend...
D
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
Welcome back, Steve! I remember you from when I first started posting here way back in 2009. Congrats on the cigs and weight loss. I don't have to tell you how harmful your drinking is to your mind and body. After a nearly 30-year drinking career, I started having blackouts and was also having severe panic attacks. My last panic attack put me in the emergency room, questioning my own sanity. That was my "Day 1" over 3 years ago. I made a vow to quit for good that day and it was the best decision I've ever made. Sobriety is WAY more rewarding than I ever could've imagined. Please get some help. You deserve the kind of happiness many of us here have found in sobriety!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Hi Steve, good to see you back.
I spent many years trying to use willpower, fear, and self-knowledge to keep me from a drink. My results were the same as yours, despite being a capable and determined person in other areas of my life. If you are convinced that willpower won't help with sobriety, what does that leave for you?
For me, I had to have a spiritual solution, which required specific actions on my part.
I spent many years trying to use willpower, fear, and self-knowledge to keep me from a drink. My results were the same as yours, despite being a capable and determined person in other areas of my life. If you are convinced that willpower won't help with sobriety, what does that leave for you?
For me, I had to have a spiritual solution, which required specific actions on my part.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Steve! I remember you. I don't think it's a coincidence that you found your way back here. Maybe you're really ready to do this thing and stay quit this time.
Congratulations on your amazing weight loss and quitting smoking. We know you have the power to lay down the alcohol. You sound fed up with that life. You can do it, Steve.
Maybe you're really ready to do this thing and stay quit this time.Congratulations on your amazing weight loss and quitting smoking. We know you have the power to lay down the alcohol. You sound fed up with that life. You can do it, Steve.
Member
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Just wanted to let you guys know what is going on. I haven't drank anything since last week, but the past week has just been constant thoughts of it though. If I didn't have so much work these past few days I am sure I would have probably not been able to say I had not drank.
I know what I need to do, been here before and I know getting to meetings is the first thing I need to make a priority. I'm finding it very hard to go back to meetings right now just because I feel like I've been through all this and hate to go back to square one. But I know I just need to get my ego and self pity out of the equation and do what I know are the proper steps to getting a happy sober life back.
Thanks for all the hello's.
Steve
I know what I need to do, been here before and I know getting to meetings is the first thing I need to make a priority. I'm finding it very hard to go back to meetings right now just because I feel like I've been through all this and hate to go back to square one. But I know I just need to get my ego and self pity out of the equation and do what I know are the proper steps to getting a happy sober life back.
Thanks for all the hello's.
Steve
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