Contemplating quitting drinking in college
Devoted and Done
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 18
Contemplating quitting drinking in college
I'm a 19 year old male college student and I just started my freshman year. The first couple of weekends here I've blacked out all but two of the times i've drank. And i've drank every Friday and Saturday since getting here (four weekends). I've been drinking fairly consistently on the weekends since my junior year of high school, with some large gaps. I'm really freaked out by the blackouts i've been having. I've found that I cannot stop drinking when I begin to drink, I just rationalize it somehow and have absolutely no resistance to it, even if i planned beforehand to not drink more than x amount (I've tried). The drinking has gotten me into a fair amount of trouble (I got caught by my dorm director on the second night and got written up). I've also pissed off my friends and made a fool of myself which is easily the worst part. I wake up and immediately feel this sense of guilt and embarrassment which takes days to shake. I think there's a strong possibility that I'm an alcoholic. I'm predisposed as both of my parents are in recovery. I don't really know what course of action to take. I'd like to be able to drink without blacking out, but i don't know if this is possible. I just don't know how i'd quit drinking in this atmosphere. Literally all of my friends drink and the social scene consists of just drinking among us. I could probably just not drink with them but that would likely suck and would threaten any sobriety i'm trying to build. But i absolutely don't want to throw these friends away either. Whatever I do I just know i can't keep doing what I'm doing. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 360
Welcome to the forum, it's great that you recognize that you have a problem, a lot of people deny or rationalize it until they hit the bottom.
Here is what you should do.
1) If it's possible, get out of the dorms and find a person looking for a room mate in an apartment. Sometimes people post ads on billboards, the cool thing is that you could meet them, talk to them, ask if they drink or party and if it's going to be more of that, just walk away. You might not find anything, but there are all sorts of people going to college so it's worth a try to look.
2) One of the hardest things about being sober is leaving the lifestyle behind. Sobriety is more than just not drinking, you have to make other changes as well. If you continue to hang out with the same friends you won't get far, that's just how it is. Look to join some clubs, activities, sports, things to take up your time and meet new people. If you get invited to parties where there's going to be alcohol just say you have to write a paper or study, college provides lots of excuses.
3) consider going to meetings, they are everywhere, look them up in your area and start attending, even if you don't buy into the whole AA / 12 step thing, you could go just to meet sober people, I think it's important to build that network up of good people you can rely on.
Here is what you should do.
1) If it's possible, get out of the dorms and find a person looking for a room mate in an apartment. Sometimes people post ads on billboards, the cool thing is that you could meet them, talk to them, ask if they drink or party and if it's going to be more of that, just walk away. You might not find anything, but there are all sorts of people going to college so it's worth a try to look.
2) One of the hardest things about being sober is leaving the lifestyle behind. Sobriety is more than just not drinking, you have to make other changes as well. If you continue to hang out with the same friends you won't get far, that's just how it is. Look to join some clubs, activities, sports, things to take up your time and meet new people. If you get invited to parties where there's going to be alcohol just say you have to write a paper or study, college provides lots of excuses.
3) consider going to meetings, they are everywhere, look them up in your area and start attending, even if you don't buy into the whole AA / 12 step thing, you could go just to meet sober people, I think it's important to build that network up of good people you can rely on.
Devoted and Done
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 18
Thanks a lot. That's some sound advice. They actually require freshmen to live in dorms, so leaving isn't an option, but that's fine because my roommate is sober.
I mean I guess that is the cold hard truth that I need to find new friends if I'm gonna quit drinking, I just have a really hard time with that. They're good, genuine people who i've known for a long time. Its just, like everyone else I know, they drink and do drugs. Do you think there's no way that I can keep going to parties and being around alcohol without drinking myself? Because ideally that's what I would like do. I had a friend who came out of rehab and did that all summer completely sober.
I mean I guess that is the cold hard truth that I need to find new friends if I'm gonna quit drinking, I just have a really hard time with that. They're good, genuine people who i've known for a long time. Its just, like everyone else I know, they drink and do drugs. Do you think there's no way that I can keep going to parties and being around alcohol without drinking myself? Because ideally that's what I would like do. I had a friend who came out of rehab and did that all summer completely sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi binger 
I think a lot of us wish we weren't like we are...but we need to face reality.
It's tough but I look back now and don't regret it a bit
If you're a drinker like me, I don't think there's any way to drink and not suffer blackouts - I lose control when I drink and any good intent I have is lost.
You have some pretty big decisions coming up binger...your drinking's already getting you into trouble...that's not going to get better...
if you want to change your life, you're really going to have to make changes - and that includes what you do with your time and who you hang around with.
The good news is you're not alone - there's a lot of support here - and I bet there's support right there on your campus too if you look for it.
Hope to see you around some more binger - welcome
D
I think a lot of us wish we weren't like we are...but we need to face reality.
It's tough but I look back now and don't regret it a bit
If you're a drinker like me, I don't think there's any way to drink and not suffer blackouts - I lose control when I drink and any good intent I have is lost.
You have some pretty big decisions coming up binger...your drinking's already getting you into trouble...that's not going to get better...
if you want to change your life, you're really going to have to make changes - and that includes what you do with your time and who you hang around with.
The good news is you're not alone - there's a lot of support here - and I bet there's support right there on your campus too if you look for it
.Hope to see you around some more binger - welcome
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
It's hard but the equation....
college = booze
is wrong.....
College = your future.
College = a good job.
College = an opportunity.
College = potential find of life partner.
Booze = wasted future
Booze - misery from black outs.
Booze = wasted opportunities
Booze = lots of drunken mistakes and loss of reputation.
You don't have to loose these friends.
You can still hang out during the day if they are not drinking.
You just need to find alternate friends when they go out drinking and drugging.
I also think a quiet word goes a long way. Saying that you like spending time with them, but just a this moment drinking is causing you a few problems and you don't want to be tempted, would explain for the time being.
In a year or so, probably less, they will associate you as the mate who has a laugh sober, still value your friendship and want to hang out but who does not drink.
Not only this, but I always think you are not the life and soul of the party when your in blackout mode!
I am boring, dull, overly emotional, cannot string a sentence together or have a conversation when I am like this. Plus paranoia, guilt and tears the next day, don't make me fun to be round either.
Why not be the one who gets up early to cook a massive breakfast for them all the morning after?
You could provode the fresh orange juice they are all dreaming about!
You could wake them all by banging your wooden spoon on your pan. Sure they would love that!
xxxx
college = booze
is wrong.....
College = your future.
College = a good job.
College = an opportunity.
College = potential find of life partner.
Booze = wasted future
Booze - misery from black outs.
Booze = wasted opportunities
Booze = lots of drunken mistakes and loss of reputation.
You don't have to loose these friends.
You can still hang out during the day if they are not drinking.
You just need to find alternate friends when they go out drinking and drugging.
I also think a quiet word goes a long way. Saying that you like spending time with them, but just a this moment drinking is causing you a few problems and you don't want to be tempted, would explain for the time being.
In a year or so, probably less, they will associate you as the mate who has a laugh sober, still value your friendship and want to hang out but who does not drink.
Not only this, but I always think you are not the life and soul of the party when your in blackout mode!
I am boring, dull, overly emotional, cannot string a sentence together or have a conversation when I am like this. Plus paranoia, guilt and tears the next day, don't make me fun to be round either.
Why not be the one who gets up early to cook a massive breakfast for them all the morning after?
You could provode the fresh orange juice they are all dreaming about!
You could wake them all by banging your wooden spoon on your pan. Sure they would love that!
xxxx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
I drank in college, mostly on the weekends. Most of my friends drank. S far as I know, I'm the only one who turned out to be an alcoholic. 26 years later, I'm newly sober. I also had some no drinking friends in college. I thought they were boring. Now I see that they were smart.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
Speaking for myself. When I was your age,there is no way I could hang around people drinking and partyin without doing it myself. The problem is,I'm sure you are running in to it all over the place.
The difference though between you and me,is it sounds like you are smarter than me. At that age I seldom had a desire to get away from it.
The thing you need is friends that don't live to party. One place to look is AA.
In a college town you might be surprised to find how many people your age are there. Where I went to AA,there were no colleges around but there were 2 or 3 folks just out of high school. You really have nothing to lose by checking a meeting out. Even if you are only going to seek out sober friends. The only requirement to attend is a desire to stop drinking. You might have to attend a few,to find some friends because not everybody goes every day.
You might attend a couple and be nosey and find out when their next lunch or big"get together" is. My AA usually has a BBQ or lunch every so often. And thats when the most people show up. Something like that puts you in the best place to find sober friends.
Fred
The difference though between you and me,is it sounds like you are smarter than me. At that age I seldom had a desire to get away from it.
The thing you need is friends that don't live to party. One place to look is AA.
In a college town you might be surprised to find how many people your age are there. Where I went to AA,there were no colleges around but there were 2 or 3 folks just out of high school. You really have nothing to lose by checking a meeting out. Even if you are only going to seek out sober friends. The only requirement to attend is a desire to stop drinking. You might have to attend a few,to find some friends because not everybody goes every day.
You might attend a couple and be nosey and find out when their next lunch or big"get together" is. My AA usually has a BBQ or lunch every so often. And thats when the most people show up. Something like that puts you in the best place to find sober friends.
Fred
Devoted and Done
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 18
Thanks for the support guys. Although its just a forum, I can feel how personal and genuine your responses are and it really means a lot. The advice goes a long way for me. I have decided to definitely quit drinking...for life. I think I'm still going to try and hang out with my friends on the weekends. If that proves tough then I'm simply gonna stop doing that. I'm also gonna start volunteering a ton, seems like a great place to meet sober people. Hopefully this sticks and I can beat it while its still easy!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
