Sally1009

Since I've been doing this day-time rehab, I have been too tired to get to my AA meetings. The rehab is 10am to 3.30pm weekdays, and while I am enjoying it very much, it is also very intense. By the end of the day I feel quite emotioally exhausted - it's like doing four AA meetings a day!
So I havent been to a meeting since last Sunday, and my sponsor is getting concerned.
This rehab is not 12 step, but it is abstinence- based, and doesnt critcise AA or negate it in any way.
However, I'm worried I am setting myself up for relapse by not going to meetings. I'm coming up to three weeks sober - the typical stage I do relapse.
Any thoughts?

pipparina

Now that it's the weekend, can you get in a nap then a meeting?
Are you talking to your sponsor daily through this? Or another AA member?
Do you feel like drinking? I would think all that rehab time during the day should keep the cravings away.

Sally1009

I will be going to a meeting tonight and tomorrow lunchtime. My sponsor actually hasnt been asking me to call her every day, but I will see her at tomorrow's meeting.
I dont feel like drinking atm, but have been having bouts of morning anxiety, which I get if I wake too early.
I have a small brain that cant take in too much information!

aasharon90

I do agree that rehab is intense and filled
with lots of information to learn about
addictions. I, myself with the help of
family members pulling an intervention
on me, sent me to an inpatiant rehab
where I stayed 28 days with a 6 week
outpatiant aftercare program attached.

It was there that I recieved the tools
and knowledge of my alcoholism before
I was set on my recovery path to live
each day without drinking.

We had full days of various theraphy
sessions, PE acivities, group meetings
and night meetings held in rehab as
well as out of rehab. 28 days is merely
a drop of water in a bucket so to speak
when just getting sober or clean. The
days I accumulated drinking, going to
any lengths to get my poison, the people,
love ones, friends, family, I hurt in the
process, would take a many one days
at a time sober or clean to erase the
wreckage of the past.

Whatever it took to get me drunk or
under the enfluence would also mean,
whatever it takes to stay sober or clean.

If I wanted to stay sober more than
anything, then I went to great lengths
to protect it and most of all to stay sober
for me because it is a gift to be appreciated
and to be grateful for.

It can be for you too.

tomsteve

dont feel bad sally. i have half a brain the loses most of the information that goes into it!

you may want to bring up the morning anxiety with yer sponsor and find out the cause and soultion.
as for meetings, it is good to see yer concerned about a relapse and its also good that yer sponsor doesnt make you call her every day. thats a good quality of a sponsor. however, sponsors are there to help you when you whan you are having a problem, so maybe give her a call when ya wake up?
when i was startin the recovery path through AA, all the footwork i had to do to change me was very mentally and emotionally exhausting. it does get easier.
i think "take it easy" is still one of the hardest things for me to remember.

it is good to see you putting in all the footwork. here is a line for the BB:

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition
heres my opinion: a relapse ends with a drink. we must keep our HP in the pilots seat and always remember that we decided that we were willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.

its also good for me to start the day with a lil time with my HP.

have an aweosome day and keep on trudgin. it will get easier.

Charon

IMO - no worry. Don't think you are setting yourself up for a relapse. You are engaged in recovery activities all day, 5 days a week. You could call your sponser or go to a meeting on week-ends if you feel you need it. However, neither AA nor meetings are magic. Nor are they the end all and be all. No recovery program is, 12 step or not. The only magic is honestly wanting to quit and persisting in your efforts to remain sober. With that deep rooted determination virtually any program will work and sometimes no program is necessary. Just my observation from many long years of quitting before I finally did.

2granddaughters

AA will be there when you are done your rehab.

If you wake up every morning and ask God to help you make the most of the recovery opportunities given you that day you will be fine.

Keep in touch with your sponsor and let her know how you are doing, she is concerned for you.

Recovery for me in the beginning was like trying to put together a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and I didn't know what the finished picture should look like. Very scary and difficult. Ask God for help and listen to the teachers/councilors/oldtimers.

Rehab will be for a few days/weeks and AA will be there for you after.

All the best.

Bob R

freshstart57

I think we all hope to arrive someday at the place where we are just us, content and serene, confident in ourselves and our sobriety. Exchanging one obsession for another can be an improvement, and a life saving one at that, but it can't be our final goal.

Being 'worried you are setting yourself up for relapse' sounds like the voice of your addiction working its evil on you, filling you with doubt about the strength of your conviction. Be confident in your choice and the good work you are doing, Sally. You are learning good stuff in your therapy sessions, believe in your ability to move forward to that sober life that is waiting for you. You will do this thing because you must.

Sapling

Can you explain this?

Sally1009

Which obsession for which? Alcoholism for AA?

BASEjumper

Hi Sally, I'm so happy to hear that you've been sober for the last three weeks, congratulations. My thougts are to just keep doing what you've been doing, since it's been working so far.

In the OP rehab I attended I recall the same feelings of anxiety at getting a bit of sobriety of under my belt, almost like I was afraid to believe in it. I tried not to get caught up in my own head, and just enjoy my new sobriety and do whatever it took today to stay sober.

I hope you continue to grow in your sobriety to the point that you feel like it's not conditional upon anything, that you are a sober person, and that you will do whatever it takes to remain sober. And that what it takes for you to remain sober may change over time, staying flexible.

I know you can overcome this Sally, I believe in you.

Have a great sober weekend!

Sapling

You know Sally....It may not hurt to have a talk with your sponsor...Let her know what's going on and how you feel. I have to remember that my sponsor is freely giving his time to me...And it is only fair that I am completely honest where I stand with my program.

Sally1009

I did go to a meeting after all - just got back in fact. Very glad I went. I talked to my sponsor and she didn't seem worried that I had missed last weeks meetings. But I see it as a danger sign, because a relapse is nearly always preceeded by a dropping off of meetings. Maybe my AV is conning me into thinking I can get away with going to less since I'm doing this day-time rehab.... So, shall go to the Sunday lunch-time meeting tomorrow, and have a roast dinner with my sons.

Sapling

Beautiful Sally....I admire your awareness...You're doing great!

Sally1009

Thanks Sapling! Alcoholism is so sneaky. It never sleeps, and it means you always have to be on your toes to watch out for it's cunning ways!

Sapling

It get's easier Sally....The solution is in the steps. I love how this guy describes the program.....He was one of the original 100 that got sober before the book was written. They hadn't even broken down what they did into steps yet....I love the simplicity.

I've Never Quit Being Active
by Clarence Snyder
A.A. Grapevine, November 1999

On February 11, 1938, I had my last drink. I was a chronic alky, and through a long, involved miracle, I met my sponsor, Dr. Bob, one of our co-founders. He put me in Akron City Hospital, where I met the alkies who had preceded me in the Fellowship.

Fifteen months later, I organized the Cleveland, Ohio AA group. The activity in the Cleveland area was hectic. I spent practically all my time obtaining and following up on publicity for AA, lining up cooperation with civic and church groups, hospitals, and courts, and helping new groups to start.

So what do I do now, thirty years later? I have never quit being active, although my position in the Fellowship has modified over the years. I attend an average of two meetings per week, when I am home. I am also asked to speak at various groups. In addition, I am invited to take part in numerous group anniversary programs and AA roundups around the country (and sometimes out of the country). Many people call upon me for counsel and advice on both personal and group problems. I have an extensive correspondence, since I have made so many friends in AA from coast to coast. Once in a while, I sponsor someone. Cases where about everything has been tried, by everyone else, often wind up in my hands.

I have not found the program to be difficult, and I maintain that if it does seem difficult for anyone, he is not doing it "right." Certainly, when I came to this Fellowship, I was in no position or condition to handle anything difficult! I kept things simple. But I must add that when I first began I was well sponsored.

I took measures now summarized in the first nine Steps of the program: admittance of need (the First Step), surrender (Second through Seventh), and restitution (Eighth and Ninth). Having done this, I no longer had a drinking problem, since it had been turned over to a Higher Power. Now I had - and still have - a living problem. But that is taken care of by the practice of Steps Ten, Eleven, and Twelve. So I don't have to be concerned about anything but a simple three-step program, which with practice has become habitual.

Step Ten enables me to check on myself and my activities of the day. I have found that most things disturbing me are little things, but still the very things which, if not dealt with, can pile up and eventually overwhelm me. My daily checkup covers good deeds as well as questionable ones; often, I find I can commend myself in some areas, while in others I owe apologies.

Step Eleven is done after my daily inventory. I usually need the peace resulting from prayer and meditation, and I do receive guidance for my life and actions.

Step Twelve, to me, does involve not only carrying the message, but extending AA principles into all phases of my daily life.

I learned long ago that this is a life-changing program, but that, after the change occurs, it is necessary for me to go on making the effort to improve myself mentally, morally, and spiritually.

This is my simple program, and I recommend it to anyone who wants a good life and is willing to do his share of helping.

C.H.S., St. Petersburg, Florida

freshstart57

There was nothing ambiguous in what I said. What you are doing right now seems to be working, so do that. Keep your perspective, use the tools you are being taught, and strive for balance. You are engaged in recovery activities all day, five days a week. You are a whole person, you are much more than your addiction, so look after the rest of your being too.

It sounds to me like your AV is saying you are going to drink if you don't go to 'enough' meetings, whatever that may mean. That's a mugs game, you can never know what 'enough' means because you can go to meetings all day every day and still drink. Without a firm resolve to stop drinking, there is no magic number of meetings that will keep you sober. Remember, everything your AV tells you is an attempt to weaken your resolve, to wear away at your belief in yourself.

Any thinking about drinking now or in the future, or doubt in your ability to quit drinking is AV. Your AV has no power, no ability to reason, it is single minded and only has the power you choose to give it so don't give it that power. Choose not to believe the self doubt, and you will be fine.

Sasha4

Sally - I have have a massive brain. it's just that it is filled with thoughts of shoes and handbags!

xx

Sapling

Well maybe you can explain it then...Even the OP asked what it means...I'd sure like to know...

Exchanging one obsession for another can be an improvement, and a life saving one at that, but it can't be our final goal.

I mean if you are going to post something like this....I think it's only fair that you explain it. Thank you.

IndaMiricale

For the view over here, it looks like your doing wonderful...

Do what you are , work on yourself, talk to your sponsor. And like it was said AA will be there for the rest of your life. Use the IOP for all its worth right now..

Good love, Inda