Red79

Hi all. I'm still drinking, but I am getting to the end of my rope. I constantly have bruises from falling and/or running into things. I try to make myself feel better by lessening my consumption after a binge; say I have 12 beers and some shots one day, the next day I will have half of that. The issue is that is still an extreme amount of alcohol; drinking most men under the table isn't really an issue for me. This past weekend, I went out with friends, woke up in a hotel bed, and have no recollection how I got there. The bruises on my arms and shoulders insinuate I needed help to get out of where I was (which I also don't recall). This lifestyle is a one way ticket to nowhere and I'm in my 30's, so it's been going on way too long. I am scared it's going to kill me and how senseless would that be? I woke up this morning with cold sweats so bad I didn't want to move.

Anyway, I'm not sure how to begin. Any help would be awesome.

Impurrfect

(((Red))) - Welcome to SR! When I first got here, I read a lot of posts and found that "my" story wasn't much different than others, no matter what the substance. Something about knowing I wasn't alone helped, and I hope it helps you too.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Red79

Thank you, Amy!! I'm happy to be joining; so much of what I am reading is making me feel so much better.

*hugs*

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Red

Have you ever spoken to anyone about your drinking before? Like your doctor?

There is a lot of help out there.. maybe try looking into AA or a secular meeting like SMART.

I'm sure you'll find lots of support and help here too x

Red79

Thank you! As any addict could attest to, there is a lot of shame attached the notion of being an addict, so no...I have spoken to a psychologist, but I downplayed it because of the shame issue.

Does anyone have an opinion on cutting down as opposed to cold turkey quitting? Even though I have a tendency to overindulge, I am quite capable of drinking less if I choose. Done it before. I just don't want any withdrawal stuff and I don't know if I would or not.

Soulprint

Hi Red,

Welcome to SR. I'm a new member and am finding this community invaluable in many ways.

I know you will too!

For me I choose to be a member of the AA fellowship which I love (in fact have been to my home group meeting tonight). The 12 step programme is a wonderful way to help to change my life. As others on SR also say, there are other methods and groups you can become a part of, so it may be good to do some research into what will be best for you.

From your post, it sounds as though you recognise that you are on a slippery slope, so to speak. Take action as soon as possible to stop drinking, because you're right, alcohol can be deadly once it gets a grip and it is no exaggeration as I have had the experience of nearly loosing my life this year!

You are in a good community here. People who understand this illness, the madness of it and what it can do to us. People who will encourage and support. People who have wisdom and experience to share with you....

Good luck Red!

SP x

Red79

SP,

Thank you! I really appreciate the encouragement so much. We all need one another on this journey. I'm so grateful to be here!

If you don't mind me asking, what's your story? How did you almost die?! I'm certainly glad you are okay!

Impurrfect

((Red)) - there are threads on here about people who tried to cut down or moderate. I'm not sure, but I think they all failed. We have a disease of addiction and it will work HARD at keeping us messed up. We may do "just a little/few" for a while, but the urge to do more usually comes. At least, that's my experience.

I was "clean" for a better part of a year then started dabbling. Once a month, then twice a month, then all I could think about was when I could use again. Relapsed for a couple of weeks, almost went to prison and decided "that's it, I can't do this anymore". That was 5-1/2 years ago.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Red79

Amy, thank you for your honesty. I suppose sometimes I think I'm not in denial, but I think there are many levels of it.

CarolD

i too am a former blackout drinker and got myself in all sorts
of dangerous situations with scummy people.
Once I quit...the blackouts immediately stopped as did the risky behaviors.
It's a wonder I was not murdered....

Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum...

NewBeginning010

Hi Red79,

Welcome to SR, you have made the right choice in quitting & coming here. Now its time to put a plan together & stick to it. You can do this & have a better life.

Keep sharing & posting.

Cheers ~ NB

Taking5

Red,

I will add that bruising easily is a symptom of liver difficulties. You should see a Dr. on this.

Cutting back worked for me for a while, but I always got worse. I too got sober in AA, but only after a medical detox.

Sobersunshine

Welcome Red! This is a great place to be.
I know what you mean about shame. I downplayed my drinking to my doctors as well. Then recently, on the verge of a complete breakdown, I went to a new dr. and told her everything. I was totally honest about my drinking and how much I consumed. Alcoholism is a common disease and I'm sure the doctors have heard it all. Their job is to HELP you, not to judge you. If you don't feel comfortable with your doctor, get a new one.
A couple months after seeing this new doc, I quit cold turkey as an outpatient with her supervision. I tired tapering. I ended up drinking MORE.

Sobersunshine

Oh I wanted to add, alcoholism is widely accepted by the medical community as a disease. Would you feel shame if you had cancer or diabetes?

KaeHot323

Red we certainly have different stories, but the same underlying factor is the issue of addiction. I have tried so many times to cut down but it was when I realized that this is an illness that actually makes your body crave more from the second it hits your lips, I knew it was nothing to play with. Waking up the next day to realize the mistakes I made the night before were not a dream but a reality, I knew I had to get a grip on it. Once you're hooked on alcohol, cutting down will only lead to another full blown addiction again. My 8 times of trying to "cut down" during my 6 year run proved that all too well for me. This group has really helped me with my journey to remain sober and still have a little spice in my life....Welcome!!! We are here for you!

Dee74

Welcome to SR Red - you'll find a lot of support here.

I nearly killed myself with my drinking and falling over - you can read mine and other stories in our Stories of Recovery Forum

It's definitely better living sober and healthy - great to have you join us

D

Red79

Sometimes facing all of this seems so scary, especially thinking anything could be medically very wrong. I mean, thank God I haven't been worse; I see shows like "Intervention," albeit if it's accurate, and see people saying they drink a bottle of vodka a day or something. I've always been more of a beer girl myself, not that it isn't alcoholism. I just think I'm young enough to stop this madness now and not have to drink for twenty more years and wonder where all of the time went.

A lot of my dependency has to do with being lonely, I have realized. Don't get me wrong, I have great friends and family, but I live alone and tend to drink at night out of boredom and because I think it helps me sleep. (Passing out doesn't really count, huh?) My last relationship was plagued with arguments and unrest because we both drank too much, I realize that now. More than anything, I just want peace and health without having to rely on a substance.

Does anyone have any advice about tapering off in the beginning as to avoid withdrawal symptoms? Not that I would have anything as serious as a seizure (I don't think it's to that point), but it does make me feel better that I'm already on an anti-seizure med. I was reading that it might help to cut down during the first week or so just to make it easier. For instance, space out a couple of beers over the night for the first few days until you can cut down to one and then none.

I'm just so ready to do this. Thanks to you all for listening and being supportive.

Red79

KaeHot323 and Dee -- thank you. These words are so encouraging. I have hope.